Should have (2007) in title, as this has been submitted here before, and by now there ought to be some follow-up journalism on this issue, perhaps even from the keyboard of the same author. (As a parent, I am continually revising my opinions about parenting, and I hope the author is too.)<p>Among the several previous submissions,[1] the submission with the most comments seems to come from a follow-up piece.[2] But the print-formatted story with that submission doesn't seem to load properly, and a lot of the comments look like they came from people who didn't read the story (as I cannot read that story just now).<p>Carol Dweck[3] is one of the main researchers on attributional style and what that does to motivation.<p>[1] <a href="https://www.hnsearch.com/search#request/submissions&q=Praise+nymag.com&start=0" rel="nofollow">https://www.hnsearch.com/search#request/submissions&q=Praise...</a><p>[2] <a href="https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=2237874" rel="nofollow">https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=2237874</a><p>[3] <a href="http://alumni.stanford.edu/get/page/magazine/article/?article_id=32124" rel="nofollow">http://alumni.stanford.edu/get/page/magazine/article/?articl...</a>
I used to be this way, grew up being told I was smart, scored extremely high on standardized tests with minimal effort... I viewed those who <i>had</i> to work extremely hard as lesser individuals, thinking that I could work as hard as them at any time if I wanted to truly showcase my ability.<p>The truth is that actually putting in the time and effort when the time came proved to be far more difficult than I had believed all along. It took something that I wanted desperately to be good at, but couldn't just pick up in a weekend to make me change my views. Programming was/is it for me. There's more to learn than I could ever hope to understand and it has been a humbling experience to say the least.<p>Everyone is an incomplete person in some way. I think my flaws are characteristics inherent in my being that would have been that way had people told me I was smart or not. I knew pretty early on that things came quickly to me; the validation may have inflated my ego, but I don't know that it outright caused me to run from challenges along the way. I did that on my own. Sigh.
This explains a lot to me, about my own life (anecdotal experience, I know...)<p>Since I can remember I am "Very Smart"[0], I was told that by my parents, teachers, and lots of other adults.<p>In the first years of high school, I would get the best grades on math without even studying, it was easy to me. But when the last years came, I needed to put more effort on study, I didn't liked it, and also didn't get the results I wanted.<p>Now I'm getting back to university, and it is really difficult to me to put all the effort I need to study, it's like I don't want to.<p>This article resonated a lot with me, and helped me understand a posible cause of what happens to me. Also, reading about how brain "exercise" helps intelligence, motivated me to get to study a lot more now :)<p>[0] I think I really am smart (not that it makes me better than anyone though) but I don't know how much, or how to measure that, if that's really and objectively possible.
While praising children for the right thing is important, I don't think that the emphasis should be on praise.<p>It is much more important that parents make a conscious effort to see the children, try to gauge their emotions, and reflect that in words.<p>In the book "Your Competent Child" (I can highly recommend that to all parents), Jesper Juul gives an example. A child manages to climb up the back side of a slide, and then calls "look, ma!". Now many parents have the urge to say "Wow, you did that really well", and thus give a reward for the child's hard work.<p>But climbing up was fun (even if it was also hard work), and by giving a reward we teach the child to crave the reward, not the fun. Instead, one could just say "Yes, I'm looking", or trying to understand the child better, say "Yes, I'm looking. Did you have fun climbing up? And now maybe you're just a tiny bit scared sliding down?".<p>By simply observing the children, and making it clear that we do, we give value to children themselves, not their intelligence, and not their effort either. IMHO that's a much higher goal.<p>If at some point their motivation fails, they still feel they have value.<p>Once again, for anybody who wants to take children seriously, I highly recommend to read Jesper Juul's books. They were a real eye-opener to me.
One of my several life principles is that the only real sin one can commit is not utilizing the full potential of the resources one was granted. Squandering a gift or privilege or resource is the only true failure in life, whether it is an inheritance or simply time.
This notion is difficult to engender in a world of standardized tests and public education, where, the same bars are set at the same height for all students. If clearing a 5' high bar earns an A, what is the reward for clearing 6'? This implies a homogeneous intelligence that does not exist, and the output is akin to the blandness of mass-produced foods. Yes, honors and advanced placement courses and special education are injected into the curriculum, but do not adequately address the greatly varied minds that pass through.
Internet education has the opportunity to 'mass-customize' education and tailor the challenge of learning to individual minds. I see this as greatly promising. There are many efforts from Khan Academy to open lecture series' sponsored by top schools. But in my community, the learning behavior of high school students is primarily aligned with entrance to a top university, a conforming effect (one very high bar for all) that moves in the opposite direction to the point that learning has far more to do with disappointment than achievement.
So where do we stand? Can in-person plus Internet education be mass-customized on a public school scale to better effect and if so, what is the path?
Overall a well written article with some solid points and data . However, to my understanding, the article claims that if we praise our kids for their smartness, we are implicitly teaching them not to value hard work and efforts.<p>It even goes that far by claiming "Giving kids the label of “smart” does not prevent them from underperforming. It might actually be causing it."<p>Human beings are complicated. Talk about kids; it complicates the situation further. I am a father and I believe in praising with the right attitude. That attitude is "Yes you are good but you are still like many others. Keep going and you are doing a great job". I will go as far as to say that if your kids are under performing even though they are smart, it has nothing to do with your praising but more to do with overall values that are being taught to them by the parents. So go ahead, praise away <i>but</i> teach them the right values by example.
I want to note as someone who was the "victim" of over-praise that I don't think it would've been such a problem if not for the fact that so much of the praise was done without a clear impetus (e.g. a large amount of effort expended on a project). It got to the point that it was basically background noise that made my mindset "well, if my baseline mode is apparently 'smart as hell' when I'm not trying at all, why try?".<p>It's like you've hiked 1/10 of the way up a mountain and there's someone insistently blocking your view of the peak and saying "oh my god look at how far you've come you are awesome!"
If you know about nonviolent communication (NVC) - they say that most praise are violent speech because it doesn't come without strings attached - but rather are a form of subtle manipulation to make the kid perform as the parents desire.<p>Instead of saying "You're so smart!" or "You're so hard working!" - which is attaching a label to the kid, they should focus inside an tell how the action of the kid made them feel: "You made me feel very happy because you completed your work."<p>That doesn't say anything about <i>how</i> the kid is, instead it says how the parent feels, thus, allowing the kid to feel more free and understand <i>why</i> he is being appreciated. With regard to giving praise, I think NVC is quite insightful.
As someone who's received praise on being smart as a child, I don't think it's necessarily all that bad, depending on the mindset the child already has. If they already realize that working hard will lead to them doing better in school, then it probably won't have as debilitating as an effect.
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