I fear this will get a lot of "Just say no" comments from people that don't understand that the author is from Pakistan and most likely grew up in a completely different culture than most of us are used to.<p>And it seems like she's not villing/able to cut of contact with her family as I would maybe do if I were in her place, but I'll never be so it's hard to even imagine what I'd do.
Families are MUCH closer in Pakistan and the rest of the Middle East than they are in the western world. Doing things against the families will can get you in big trouble and leave you without your family at all.
The main difference between the Middle East and the West is: in the west, you grow up and you are taught by your parents how to stay on your own. That is why Westerners often only see their parents and brothers and sisters occasionally. In the Middle East, you grow up to be a good part of the family for the rest of your life.
As I married a girl from the Middle East I had to learn and feel the differences and resulting occasional tensions. So to say it short: you normally are not supposed to leave your family in Pakistan. So this girl feels she is in great trouble, even if the solution may seem so simple for us.
This doesn't sound like a great idea. A friend of mine with an Indian passport and a valid UK work visa was visiting Northern Ireland and decided to try to sneak a quick bus trip into Republic of Ireland. Their bus was randomly stopped and everyone's passports were checked (these are pretty infrequent, I believe), the police quickly noticed they didn't have a valid visa for Ireland, took their details and then took them back to the North. Later that year he had a bit of trouble visiting mainland EU, the immigration officials cited his previous attempt to illegally enter Ireland - evidently it had been logged in some EU immigration database and can follow you around for a while.<p>And this is just Ireland, I imagine the repercussions of getting denied from the US are a little more severe.
Does Spain have an equivalent to the UK government's "forced marriage unit" ( <a href="https://www.gov.uk/forced-marriage" rel="nofollow">https://www.gov.uk/forced-marriage</a> ), an agency whose job is to help people in this kind of situation?
If she's coming over to live, then she should be denied entry anyways. Perhaps just stay straight-out "I'm moving here." Maybe throw in something about maybe getting a job "To have more money for our family." Neither of those are total lies, but any CBP agent that's not asleep should block entry. She might even just tell them the situation, ask to see a supervisor and go from there. They may be able to provide something better on her record that way.<p>Although it can really depend on who she gets. My wife came over to see me after I moved to the US after just losing our daughter. She had a 10-year multi-entry visa, had come and gone several times before. They held her for a couple of hours, went through all her stuff (which is to be expected), but then demanded to know why she was sad about losing a child, why she had written about her child if she had died, and on and on. My wife decided she'll never fly through the US again.<p>Once I got an agent, first thing out of his mouth was "you're going to miss your flight". When I said he didn't know when it was (I had a 3 hour layover), he said it didn't matter, he'd make sure. Other times, they barely even glance up and wave me through.
I think this will work:<p>- "What's the purpose of your visit?"
- "I will be looking for a job in the U.S."
- "But you have a visitor's VISA here"
- "Oh.. mmm.. but I am coming here to work"
- "I am sorry this is not going to work out"
It's a pity I can't answer on the SE but I have experience in this matter, I came to the US (through Newark) once with a visa to stay for 6 months, without proof of financial support, without contact information for somebody in the US, reluctance to tell my purpose, and a tent as my means of accommodation. I was taken to a back room where they were going to deny me entry, but I manage to persuade them that I had an uncle living in Texas and a friend in Oregon.<p>So my advice is, go there without money, accommodation, contacts or purpose, and they won't let you in.
Hacker News is very qualified to give this person technical advice, but her problem originates in human relationships, and the solution requires some amount of diplomacy.<p>Everything we say on this matter is useless until confirmed by an outside party not afflicted by an ultrarational engineer brain. That said...<p>In recent years, the US government has ramped up its training for federal employees on recognizing and interdicting human trafficking. It might suffice to tell the border agent, "I have been subjected to a forced marriage, and the man's family is attempting to import me to the United States against my will. Once here, I will be little more than a slave. But if I refuse, I will probably be murdered. Will you help me?"<p>This is likely to make a bad situation worse, but that's the best I can come up with. The lady is probably better off traveling to a Germanic or Scandinavian country and appealing to a feminist organization instead of getting on a plane to the US.
Go to the Spanish authorities, tell them the situation (illegally living in the USA) and that you fear for your life and need asylum in Spain.<p>F*ck the sort of family that marries you to someone 15 years older against your will, frankly.
I think the traditional solution is to go say yes, move in. Start breaking things (dishes and stuff) until he asks for a divorce. Bonus points for making it plausibly an accident. Go home. At least that is what I have read about Morocco where the divorce rate is relatively high.<p>It seems relatively common elsewhere as well, in my experience.<p>One of the things that is not to like (especially if you are a woman) in many Middle Eastern countries is that the household matriarch is the husband's mother and the households are patrilocal. This means that if you are a woman and you get married, you end up as a very low-status individual until your first son is married and then you have status and power to make his wife as miserable as you were.<p>So it isn't a good situation but one thing to keep in mind is that being in a more individualistic culture gives you options. My recommendation would not be to try to get denied entry at all but to go. Then evaluate your options, build contacts, and see what you need to do. The US culture and legal system doesn't support the same kinds of things and this can bring some power.
Easy, when asked why you are are entering the states say 'no reason' and get a 24hr to year long ban. I've tested this when my idiot friend gave that response while we were driving across the peace arch border.
Most of suggestions people give on this problem is like this;<p>Problem: Site doesn't work in IE<p>Solution: Then don't use it.<p>It is not that easy.<p>Her problem is really complex one. As i can not answer it on site (protected question), i will try to give some ideas to her here.<p>She needs to somehow trick the family members and the husband in US. One solution can be getting a fake paper that wants her to give information about the people she is related in US. This can stop family members asking her to come to US, since her husband is not legally living there. But connecting this fake paper to her travel to US is little tricky. Family needs to somehow believe that it is coming from government. Maybe women rights association can help with this one, if she can reach them.<p>The other option can be to somehow make them believe that she took the flight but they send her back. In this case she needs to find a really good excuse that family members will believe and will not investigate further.<p>If you think these are reasonable ideas, please let her know on travel.stackexchange, because i can not.
My advice to her: NEVER get in trouble with any country's government on purpose, completely abandon this line of thought and figure out something else. I bet she would rather live with her "stupid in-laws" than in a Federal PMITA facility.
One other option worth considering:<p>1. Loose your passport
2. Get a new passport
3. Apply for new US visa to keep parents happy
4. Get rejected at the visa office<p>Just avoids re-entry, and buys time may be till she is done with her college.
I am clearly not a lawyer: if you tell passport control that you lost your drugs on the plane, there will be no evidence to prosecute you, but they probably won't let you in.<p>More seriously, just don't get on the plane, then after a period of time contact your family and tell them you got refused entry. Spend a day or two at the airport or a nearby hotel.
I'm surprised no one came up with the "NO-FLY" list excuse. If she goes to the airport alone, that's trivial---she goes to the airport, waits an hour, comes back and says, "I was refused because I am on the US' no-fly list." The US does not confirm nor deny any name on the list, so it's hard to check.
I know better than to try to give advice when I can't relate at all to her situation.<p>But I would just like to take this opportunity to say "fuck you" to her relatives in the United States. Economic opportunity and personal liberty are a package deal, you want one without the other and you're playing with fire.<p>You're guaranteed to lose, either quickly or slowly. Quickly if this young woman continues down the path she's clearly already on and calls down the weight of the state on your heads. Slowly if you win this round, only to see your grandchildren grow up fully-Americanized.
Just fill out this form on entry <a href="http://www.usvisalawyers.co.uk/images/I-94form.gif" rel="nofollow">http://www.usvisalawyers.co.uk/images/I-94form.gif</a> with a lot of "Yes".
All her problems boil down to a lack of money. She should just take a student loan to become "financially independent". No idea if she has access to one though
Wow what trash suggestions that woman is getting. "Just report him."<p>What the fuck SE community? Just ruin the lives of more than one family living in the states just because this girl is too chicken to just say no - from thousands of miles away no less.
The reason why this was asked is baffling to me.<p>If you don't want to go, then <i>do not go</i>. I assume the AP was an adult. Adults don't need to resort to tricks like trying to get rejected: adults can just reject the invite themselves.
This can be solved with just the following:<p>"Honey I love you but i can go through that ordeal i had last time again. I love my life here and i don't want to go we're going to have to find another way."<p>If you can't be straight with your husband you might as well divorce now it's not going to get easier.