Although I have to accept that the premise is generally true, it is also a little concerning. Friends, close friends, seem like they're "supposed" to be a bond like family: someone you're always there for in good times and bad.<p>Instead, philosophies like the one espoused in this article transform that deep friendship into a friendship of "utility". It kind of reminds me of the political marriages sometimes considered typical of the upper classes in various historical societies: when "love" may not even be a factor in a marriage.<p>I have a friend that has said similar things to this article. It makes me wonder: are we friends because we've been through a lot and share that bond, or is he my friend because I present a certain "utility" to his success? If the latter, does that in turn mean our friendship is discarded as soon as I fail to present that utility?
You may not "become" but there is definitely tremendous influence on you based on who you hang out with. Even if you are the leader/aggressor type, you will start getting "influenced" by the other party. I am saying this strictly based on my own personal experience of course.<p>This topic has resonated with me a lot lately. My professional life has not really been moving where I want it to be in last 3-4 years. Yes, ultimately I am to blame and no questions about it. But all my friends/co-workers/family I hang out with are very similar to me in many ways. I realized that I think a lot like them now. Nothing wrong with that but it is just not where I see myself.<p>In contrast, many years ago, I really wanted to do something drastic in my life which would mean going against all odds. I pulled it off. The only reason I can think of now is that I hung out with people who were already doing that drastic thing. I followed them and hung out with them. We became really good friends. Not to take away my hard work that I put in, but if I had to give the main reason I succeeded then was the company I had. I should mention that those people were all much better than me at what I wanted to be.<p>You want to be an entrepreneur ? Go hang out with other entrepreneurs who are already doing it. Of course, you cannot be a sycophant. You still have to do the hard work, you still have to sweat it out but the right company and influence on you can really speed your drive towards where you want to be.<p>Ok, I wrote all this stuff but time to really go and find the "company" I want to be in. I know what/where they are but it is just my laziness that is keeping me from getting to it. This post probably gave me the kick in the butt I needed. Really hope so.
It is <i>good</i> to have friends who aren't quite like you. It is good to have friends who don't work in the same fields as you, or who aren't obsessed with chasing success. Why? Because, hopefully, they can call you out when you start handing yourself over to workaholism/bad relationships/excess drinking/etc. Ideally, you'd let these people stretch you so you can balance yourself out; even if it means part of your entrepreneurship neurosis is lost.<p>These sorts of articles disgust me; it's insane how much people value their career.
I very much agree with Kevin here. I grew up in a very average neighborhood with low ambitions and never really challenged myself. In college, I got with the wrong people my freshman year and eventually lost my scholarship.<p>Being out of school and with a chip on my shoulder has led me to learning how to code, starting a startup, and being accepted into a top college accelerator despite not being in school. The people I am around now are KPCB fellows, former interns at top startups, and thoroughly ambitious. Without this environment, things would not be moving nearly as quickly.<p>Conversely, my brother went to a Math and Science academy and is now at an Ivy league school. The same Ivy League school I am now at as part of the accelerator program.<p>Like people attract like people. So if over time a person becomes a new person, why should they feel held down to the old people that they were once like? I know for me the friends I am making now are like me and they are pushing me to become better. Ultimately, that is what you really want in a friendship.
I think the causation is at least partially the other way around - people you choose to spend time with reflect who you are.<p>When you try to game the correlation by forming friendships aspirationally, this largely breaks down. It's much more important to come to terms with who you are than to try to become more like someone else. When you're trying to be X, you're not X, you're just someone who's trying to be X.
I generally agree with this. Not only does hanging around amazing people make you a bit more amazing, but it generally increases your drive and pushes you in whatever direction your buddies are going in.<p>Maybe it's just me, but I also get a huge kick out of doing what other people I know WON'T do.<p>Maybe it's some innate craving for attention, money, fame, whatever, but I really love doing things completely differently than my peers. Whether it means working on projects most people don't find interesting, pushing myself to do things wayyyy out of the ordinary in regards to jobs / physical stuff, or whatever -- I get a lot of satisfaction from pushing myself beyond what everyone else is doing.<p>I don't always come out successful, but when I do, it feels fucking fantastic >:)<p>I have a pretty diverse group of friends -- so I'm not sure if this makes a difference -- but I find myself wanting to constantly out perform my buddies (even though I'm happy to help them succeed, and vice-versa), as a way to stand out or something.<p>Shrug.
I'd kind of beg to differ on this one.<p>Six years out, of my high school friends, two have left the hometown (in addition to myself). Of my college friends, half are un(der)employed.<p>I don't strive to be different from them; I like my friends. I still spend time with them, I get together with them whenever I can.<p>Now, at my job, I'm in a very typical enterprise-y position, with all the things that that entails. I've been informed that I'm very talented, that I'm a rising star; but really, I just want to keep moving my career forward. I'm not going to do it at (too great of) expense to my social life or my relationships, but I want to be in a position where I've got a chance to grow and learn. It's become increasingly evident that that may not be here.
Also, "having a friend" and "choosing to be around" certain people are 2 totally different things. There are many ways to be around people including volunteering, playing sports, and especially taking a job. Those people can exert great positive influence on you regardless of whether you become friends with them.<p>Obviously, there are many people that we're very close friends with, even though we're rarely surrounded by them.<p>So its generally when you're <i>choosing</i> your friends around some utilitarian metric that you begin tread into sycophantic waters.
Even assuming it is true - aren't there a whole lot of other things one could optimize first, before sieving out friends?<p>Who knows, you might even become an inspiration to your friends and they might change along with you.<p>Also if you do things you want to do, the people you spend the most time with will change automatically. For example if you start going to startup meetups, you will hang out more with people who do startups. If you start doing more sports to lose weight, you will end up hanging with more sporty people.
This is so true and also helps explain how echo chambers develop. I always try to change my perspective on something big at least once a month. Last month I disabled flash and all my Chrome extensions. Holy cow, the default internet is weird!<p>I build web sites, so this helped me see the way certain people (my dad) experience the internet.
There is also the opportunity for you to be the change you want to see, and be the influencer to inspire and empower those around to "become you" - positivity and inspirations spread fast and far.
This is too generalized. There are born leaders and there are born followers. Followers are influenced by those around them, while leaders forge their own path no matter what. However, a well rounded person knows when to adapt. They lead when necessary, and take instructions when required. There are some people who will never become like those around them, but will instead shape those around them to their own image.<p>Edit: Downvotes with no counterpoints? That means I must be right, because the truth hurts.