I've come to similar personal conclusions about what success means to me (although the speaker articulated it better I possibly could have).<p>The idea that you should define your success by what you are willing to lose/give up on resonated strongly with me. A few years back, I gave up a much better paying job and 'better' career prospects in the US after an Ivy League education, to move back home and stay closer to my dad (who'd just suffered a catastrophic stroke). While I might not be considered super successful in the popular sense, I've redefined the meaning of success for myself. I've realized I value relationships over traditional measures of success and I am willing to lose some of the latter to get more of the former.<p>Incidentally, this realization has been strangely liberating. I'm completely at ease at college reunions, even when I get the odd snicker from classmates who are more 'successful'.
Thanks to whoever posted this! I've been agonizing over my career for years and have only just started to realize the truth (and beauty) in what he's saying.
I love this kind of TED talks.<p>One of Alain's main arguments was that the "kinder, gentler" philosophy of success should partly be based on the negative implications of meritocracy, i.e. "if you are at the bottom, you deserve to be there and thus you're a looser". But to meritocracy's defense -- isn't it more fair to say that "if you are at the bottom, you can with an effort pull yourself out of there"? And thus "merit" a better position in the social hierarchy?<p>For me, once anyone at the bottom make the slightest effort to rise, they are instantly rising in social hierarchy. Thus, it's all up to themselves, and it's all based on a choice. Make a decision, and merit follows.<p>I'm not sure what I want to say with this argument. But somehow, the criticism forwards meritocracy seemed a little shallow in the talk.
"A lot of times our ideas of what it is like to live successfully are not our own. If you're a man, your father. If you're a woman, your mother.. We are highly open to suggestion. We should be truly the authors of our own ambitions. It is bad enough to not get what you want but even worse to find out at the end of the journey that what you got is not what you wanted."<p>"That problem is envy. If there is one dominant emotion in modern society - that is envy. And it's linked to the spirit of equality. We don't envy the Queen of England...because we can't relate to her... And when you can't relate to somebody, you don't envy them. The closer two people are in age, in background, in the process of identification, the more there is a danger of envy... Which is why you should never go to the same school but.. The problem of modern society is it turns the whole world into a school - everybody is wearing jeans and the same and yet they're not."<p>"One of the reasons we fear failure... is the judgment and ridicule of others. The number one organ of ridicule is the newspaper... they have failed and they are described as losers."<p>"We tend to worship ourselves. Our heroes are human heroes. Most other societies have had at that center something that is transcendent. A God, a spirit, a natural force, the universe"<p>-Alian de Botton
Really liked this.<p>For anyone who has read Alain de Botton: Could you recommend some of his books? I'm really interested in checking out his work after watching this.
Tyler Brulé of Monocle did an interview with Alain covering his recent book. Typical of Tyler it isn't the usual puff piece but he actually pokes for real substance.<p><a href="http://www.monocle.com/sections/culture/Web-Articles/Alain-de-Botton/" rel="nofollow">http://www.monocle.com/sections/culture/Web-Articles/Alain-d...</a>