Why Do Recipe Writers Lie and Lie About How Long It Takes to Caramelize Onions?

Bravo! I thought there was something wrong with my technique, but never knew what it could be.

in the words of my charmingly southern step-grandma, "I just stick 'em in the microwave for ten minutes. Best way."

I'd always sort of assumed it was because the recipe writers had magnificent Viking or KitchenAid prosumer ranges with 15K+ BTU burners, not pokey 8K-9K BTU burners like my more modest kitchen sports.