I harvested the questions out of the PDF.<p><a href="https://gist.github.com/shmup/3bc1229f24486d746bf3" rel="nofollow">https://gist.github.com/shmup/3bc1229f24486d746bf3</a>
I was so inspired by this article that I spent the day coding an app / game that beautifully guides you through the questions and includes a built in timer with a sound for the eye gazing.<p><a href="http://LoveActualized.com" rel="nofollow">http://LoveActualized.com</a><p>I envision is being something that would be fun on a first date as a game.<p>Also - I've used eye gazing and several variations with profound results in my coaching work -- many of my clients have said that a ~3 minute session is easily the most profound experience of their lives.
I thought this was great and recommend the article. Click through to the list of questions - <a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-or-small.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.nytimes.com/2015/01/11/fashion/no-37-big-wedding-...</a><p>There's no harm in trying it. At worst you'll get to know someone. I'd have no qualms working through this set with at least a dozen people I can think of off-hand (some of whom aren't available anyway, it doesn't matter, or where we flirt anyway.)<p>The questions are mostly quite interesting. I'd lie about #34 though as it's embarrassing that, like most people here, I have unbacked up stuff on a laptop, which would be an easy decision over other stuff (since there's so much and it's so easy to take) but gives the wrong impression about my priorities. So what - say someone isn't completely honest with you in some of the answers. still an interesting set of questions.<p>I'm also curious what happens if you just do this with an acquaintance of the same gender assuming neither of you two have any interest in that gender romantically. if you're a man, imagine just answering this stuff with a casual acquiantance (think of bros or colleagues) vaguely similar to you but not a gender you're attracted to, and looking into each other's eyes for 4 minutes. same if you're a woman with another woman acquaintance. [1]<p>It would be interesting to know what kind of bonding this elicits.<p>[1] I specifically chose to mention only a same-gendered examples - two guys who aren't into guys, or same with two girls - because the example of a purely gay person doing so with someone of the opposite gender is a bit different for a couple of reasons. some gay people will date or even marry someone of the opposite gender - e.g. a beard - plus social norms would push in that direction even if neither party is attracted. I'm more interested in the example of two acquaintances who are of the same gender but not gay doing this.)
I'm just finishing up <i>All About Love: New Visions</i> by bell hooks. In it, she talks about love as an action.<p>She frequently quotes Erich Fromm's <i>The Art of Loving</i>, which seems good as well.<p>[1]: <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_About_Love:_New_Visions" rel="nofollow">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/All_About_Love:_New_Visions</a><p>[2]: <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Art_of_Loving" rel="nofollow">http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Art_of_Loving</a>
We did this in the Stanford salon: the procedure was for interpersonal intimacy, so some parts you can pluck out and try for friendships: we matched people pretty randomly-ish, and it was a fairly good result. This is the experimental protocol (<a href="https://www.ocf.berkeley.edu/~rascl/tools/secondFastFriendsQuestions.html" rel="nofollow">https://www.ocf.berkeley.edu/~rascl/tools/secondFastFriendsQ...</a>)<p>There seems to be a positive feedback sort of thing in this, because the pair who got the most out of it was two people who had been friends for a long time, who learned a lot about each other.
I remember reading about positive conceptualisation techniques in <i>Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus</i>. This is nothing particularly special. What if you spent 90 minutes detailing one another's flaws? You'd come away with a similarly inaccurate negative impression of your partner.
What i don't get-why did something like this remains hidden from the general public for 20 years ? Why didn't the study authors worked on popularizing this ?
Time for all of us to come up with pre-canned answers.<p>"My greatest weakness is that I'm a workaholic perfectionist. I know I should spend more time doing stuff other than working and preparing for work, but it's just so important to do everything that is best for my company."
"To Fall in Love with Anyone, Stare Into Their Eyes for 4 Minutes"<p>I hate business models that work by wasting your time. It's not a bad article though.
This article is disgusting hogwash, suited for the emotional timbre of shallow New Yorkers who go to psychotherapists as a hobby. As the great philosopher Inigo Montoya put it, (Love) "you keep using that word, I don't think you know what it means."
This is sophistry. She was already attracted to him (here,
I use it in the sense primarily of "willing to go out on a date with him") before they started. I don't see any mention of "to build attraction, do this", and intimacy will smother their boundaries and their relationship without attraction.