After being an ordinary developer for 6 years, at age 30, I started Masters By Research. For those 6 years, I always wanted to check if research is really what I love to do.<p>I'm really struggling in the University courses. But I try hard these days and things are slowly making sense. I may not be getting better marks yet but my inner voice says "I want to try again and again and again". Almost all of the time I think of the problems in class, about ways to get better at it. Instead of being lazy and sleeping in free time when I was developer, these days I wake up suddenly at night and start looking at the algorithms.
However, research has consequences. I don't think I will be a very good researcher and would be able to secure grants in future as others do because I do not have good academic record. But I have to make money because I started my life from scratch and have gone through a lot of financial hardship to get here.<p>Now, I'm not sure if research is really my passion and if I should go ahead or should I fall back to developer to live financially better life.<p>Has anyone gone through this situation?
You could find out what motivates you. Look at the SIMA method, or find something similar. And realize this method may not work 100%, but it should give you good directions.<p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/Power-Uniqueness-The-Arthur-Miller/dp/0310242886" rel="nofollow">http://www.amazon.com/Power-Uniqueness-The-Arthur-Miller/dp/...</a><p>Based on the idea that every person is endowed from birth with a unique pattern of competencies and motivations, or giftedness, this book describes your Motivated Abilities Pattern (MAP), which indicates your personal giftedness and encourages you to pursue your unique calling and live a purposeful life that is highly productive and richly satisfying. Formerly titled Why You Can't Be Anything You Want to Be.
Passion is overrated. I've done passion. Passion doesn't care about you. Sometimes the 'fire in the belly' is heartburn.<p>You do realize there are commercial developer positions where algorithms development is important, yes? You don't need to return to the same job you left.<p>And even inside of academic research programs, there are research programmers. This is part of the support staff, and not in charge of securing grants; though they may help with writing the grants.<p>Is there a graduate student adviser you can talk with about post-graduation career plans?
I've accidentally stumbled on this line of thought. Ask yourself a hypothetical. If you had to sacrifice your life and well-being for it would you still do it? If the price was unreasonable and ridiculas would you still want it?