Accidentally Sexist

I would call this more "accidentally realist" than "accidentally sexist." I know for a fact that even though I am not a great coder (not a huge part of my job currently) I could get hired over more qualified men because I'm female. I've talked to women who know they got hired in tech because they are women, not because of the skills/experience they have. I know women working current jobs where it's obvious they are not qualified for the job they have (of course, that happens with men too). I've had people at colleges tell me that if only I wanted to do Computer Science I'd be guaranteed a scholarship because I'm female, but there are not the same scholarships for me. All of that, in my opinion, is very sexist against men.

&gt; I was chatting with a friend of a friend the other day who mentioned she was thinking about taking Epicodus. Out loud, I said &quot;Oh, that&#x27;s awesome! I really hope you do it.&quot; But in my head, I was worried. What if she wasn&#x27;t good at programming? What if she didn&#x27;t do well in the class? What if she didn&#x27;t get a job afterwards?<p>I have that feeling whenever I commend _anyone_ for planning to learn to code. I don&#x27;t know the specifics of this case, and whether the author would have been unreservedly gung ho about a guy talking about his plans to learn to code, but under the impulse to have faith in my empathetic capabilities, I generally resist the author&#x27;s thought process as a kind of self-indulgent false modesty, rather than true insight. This might sound like a kind of &quot;I&#x27;m not racist, I&#x27;m xenophobic&quot; reasoning, but as a lot of people on this forum believe: learning to code is really hard and we shouldn&#x27;t be so hard on ourselves when we are skeptical of others&#x27; abilities to learn how to do it.

I (successful man in tech) was talking to successful woman in tech a few weeks ago about her experiences and how I could better encourage my young son <i>and</i> daughter and their peers to consider science&#x2F;engineering as normal.<p>At one point in the story of her journey, she noted with pride, &quot;That was the <i>ballsiest</i> thing I&#x27;ve ever done.&quot; Even after I pointed out her words, it took her a second to realize what I was talking about.<p>It runs deep.

On the one hand, applying valid generalizations is not bias. On the other hand, when dealing with individuals, one rarely has to rely on generalizations. On the gripping hand [1], treating individuals fairly can <i>look</i> like bias when iterated over a large enough sample size.<p>The solution: be rigorous about treating individuals fairly, be willing to apply valid generalizations <i>cautiously</i> and <i>only when necessary</i>, and remember that seemingly biased results might simply be reflecting real differences between groups. (This last point can be grokked by meditating, Zen koan–like, on the question &quot;Are women underrepresented in the NBA?&quot;—a question to which both the answers &quot;yes&quot; and &quot;no&quot; are defensible.)<p>[1]: <a href="http:&#x2F;&#x2F;catb.org&#x2F;jargon&#x2F;html&#x2F;O&#x2F;on-the-gripping-hand.html" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;catb.org&#x2F;jargon&#x2F;html&#x2F;O&#x2F;on-the-gripping-hand.html</a>

By the title alone I was expecting a depressing post by a men&#x27;s rights activist about how terrible it is to be called out.<p>This post is not that! I was pleasantly surprised to find a post about someone who is self-aware enough to realize that sexism exists, saying sexist things is wrong, and that these things are so deeply ingrained in our society that not everything we say or think is entirely unique: some of it is learned and habitual.<p>Good first step, author! Now continue along and do something about it! We need to redefine normal.

Interesting, company I work for has had Epicodus interns, when interviewing there were two women and two men that applied for my company for an internship. Seemed like they&#x27;re doing well to get women into to tech, as a 50&#x2F;50 split is pretty unusual.

Recognizing that you&#x27;re accidentally&#x2F;subliminally sexist or racist is good. But you should also recognize that those have had an effect on the world, and knowingly attone by spending some of your privilege. A sudden self awareness that leads to just a blog post isn&#x27;t really anything special. A sudden self awareness that leads to action is meaningful.<p>(before I get asked &quot;what was my action&quot;, I&#x27;m still trying to figure out how to spend my privilege for others benefit in a way that&#x27;s more than just donating money to appropriate causes - which I already do. I&#x27;m not thinking big enough yet.)