On Tinder, Off Sex

&gt; I found the profile of a man whose name is probably Matt and told him I’m new to this Tinder thing and asked him how it works.<p>&gt; &quot;You match with a bunch of people, no one ever messages each other, and no one ever has sex,&quot; he responded.<p>Sounds like the average male experience on any dating site or app.

It used to be the case that hooking up with strangers was assumed to be the whole point of using Tinder. Nobody was really trying to find a life partner on there.<p>Nowadays, I feel like women are using it for easy validation, or to find a variety relationships (friends only, sugar daddys, traditional dating, finding someone to marry, etc). Which explains the &quot;not looking for hookups &#x2F; one night stands&quot; that appear in a non-trivial percent of profiles now.<p>On the other hand, I think most male users are still there mostly looking for quick hookups.<p>Women are using Tinder for different reasons than they did a few years ago, and its increasing the signal to noise ratio for the hookup crowd.

Maybe she just needs fewer friends who are so judgy.<p>Before I got married, I generally went 2 or 3 years between sexual partners. There wasn&#x27;t any particular reason. I <i>wanted</i> to have sex during that time, but I <i>didn&#x27;t</i> want to put the necessary effort in to make such a thing happen. I just didn&#x27;t care enough.<p>Much in the same way that I like watching baseball, would like to watch more baseball, but don&#x27;t have baseball on television at home and don&#x27;t care enough to get my ass down to the bar to watch any games, even during the playoffs.<p>It&#x27;s okay to have sex. It&#x27;s okay to not have sex.<p>That said, I&#x27;ve always found that any sort of dissatisfaction in my life has been due to me going to the same, old, wrong wells for where I thought I should find the things I wanted. If you keep doing the same thing while expecting different results... well, we know what that&#x27;s about. My wife and I eventually got together after I stopped hanging out in bars so much and started making friends with other people who had more going on in their lives than hanging out in bars all the time.

I think it&#x27;s fairly common to go two years without having sex. It&#x27;s just the public hype that makes us think everybody else is having sex all the time.

&gt;I bought a bottle of Larceny bourbon the night before in preparation and had consumed half before he arrived.<p>Ali Rachel Pearl, you have a drinking problem.<p>No, seriously: I double-dog dare you, &#x27;Hacker, reading this, to drink half a bottle of bourbon before you reply.

I enjoyed this. But, then, I am a woman who has been celibate for a long time, and not because that&#x27;s how I &quot;want&quot; it to be. It just is.<p>I don&#x27;t think the article has much to do with Tinder. I happen to like it, I am just not sure why it is on HN. I really don&#x27;t think it has any particular relevance to Tinder. It is a nice piece about someone who is where they are and ridiculous suggestions by other people to try x, y or z and just FIX IT are simply not working. Sometimes that happens. And a dating app (or hook up app?) doesn&#x27;t fix whatever is causing it, because &quot;meeting people&quot; is not the issue.<p>There are deeper issues here. She admits that.

After reading this article I still haven&#x27;t the faintest idea what I read. Tinder? Make your intentions clear, wrap it up in a few messages. Go get laid. End of story.<p>Sex is infinitely easier for women than it is men.

The thing I wonder about her: She did not had sex for two years, and still wants to continue taking the pill, to be available anytime to men who are to stupid to ask (or to smell), if she has the 3 days when French games are topic.