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Ask HN: How to find your own people and being around normal people

6 点作者 password03超过 9 年前
So,<p>I am a geek: Programming, computers, tech, discussing things in fine detail, picking wholes in theories and all things around me (not argumentative), reasoning out everything...<p>Even back in high school, 15yrs ago, I noticed that the above put most people off me. Put off largely by the fact that I thought differently than most people and was fairly creative in the not so normal ways (think gaining access, hacking things etc and not art, music etc)<p>It&#x27;s continuing into adult life.. most people just end up thinking i&#x27;m odd. I find it difficult to mix with, who I will, call for ease of explanation &quot;non-hackers&quot;. It&#x27;s a pain because to get on socially in life you need to be able to mix with all types, chat about what I would consider nonsensical topics, trash news, sports, weather etc. It get&#x27;s depressing at times, it&#x27;s also annoying when I see types being able to have normal conversations &gt;.&lt;<p>When I do find somebody similarly minded it&#x27;s great and we can chat about all sorts of stuff for hours. I&#x27;ve never really had the chance to create a group of friends like this.<p>I have recently moved to a new city with where I have no friends. After about 9 months I have ended up in a cycle of work, home, computer, bed. I haven&#x27;t made any friends really as I generally find it difficult to fit in with the regular crews of people (probably introvert). I need to find a group of hacker, coder types who&#x27;d have no problem breaking out their favourite IDE abd learning a new language over some beers or whatever.<p>Now don&#x27;t get me wrong, I don&#x27;t look like your stereotypical nerd really. I&#x27;m trendy, look cool and can chat generally to people in passing but not really engage and make friends.<p>So my question is. Has anybody ever been in my type of situation before.. how do you find friends who are just like you.. a HN reader?<p>Does anybody share my dilemma?

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code_Whisperer超过 9 年前
I&#x27;ve waited to post a response on this because my knee-jerk reaction was &quot;Of course I share your dilemma! I think that a majority of geeky developer-types share this same trait.&quot; I figured you&#x27;d get a lot of feedback.<p>But given the paucity of responses, now I am wondering if perhaps you and I are more rare than I thought.<p>I have ALWAYS felt the way you describe. I also share the same traits... I am reasonably normal&#x2F;good looking, feel that I can speak somewhat intelligently, am passionate and knowledgeable about my craft. But if you put me in a social setting like a dinner party I am a reclusive wreck. I feel that I am an island in a sea of chatter. Although I find much of the discussion around me banal and pointless, at the same time I covet the ease with which everyone else &#x27;seems&#x27; to be able to converse with complete strangers. And if I do try to strike up a conversation, I feel like a fool when I can&#x27;t seem to keep pointless chatter going (like weather, sports, politics, whatever). However, once I know someone really well I can talk with them all day with relative ease.<p>Although self-diagnosed, I&#x27;ve always assumed this was what it meant to be an &quot;introvert&quot;. Lately I&#x27;ve heard a new term which seems to fit my own personality much better: ambivert.<p>So here are some suggestions I&#x27;ve found helpful.<p>- Join a local geeky group that appeals to your interests (e.g. Programming, Astronomy, Brown Coats, Creative Writing, WHATEVER!) If you can&#x27;t find a geeky group, create one!<p>- Develop a list of questions (and followups) to ask someone when you first meet them. If you can get someone else talking (and you truly listen to what they&#x27;re saying) you will find it easier to create that initial conversation. Examples; What do you do in life? How did you get started on that path? How do you know the host? Are you working on on something you&#x27;re passionate about? Tell me about it! What do you do for fun in [your city]? Read any great books lately that you&#x27;d recommend to someone you barely know? What was the worst job you&#x27;ve ever had?<p>If you create a good list of initial questions (and you LISTEN to what the other person is saying] you will be able to create conversations from thin air. And you&#x27;ll likely make new friends!<p>You might also look up &quot;Toastmasters&quot;. If there&#x27;s a Toastmasters club near you that might be a very enlightening experience (www.toastmasters.org)
chrxn超过 9 年前
You should find a coding meetup in your town or start a new one. I recently started one here in Salt Lake City, and we&#x27;ve been having a lot of success.