Ask YC: Hacker moms & dads, what do you read?

I just spent four weeks on a pediatric neurology clerkship in medical school, and my wife is a pediatric occupational therapist. Throw away your TV.<p>Just do it.<p>After Katrina, when we evacuated to my parents' house, they'd just moved in themselves, the day before. We agreed to not hook up cable. My kids calmed down noticeably. No, remarkably. We watch, maybe, a movie or two a week. The DVD player broke, so they only watch those movies on a computer anyway. The TV hasn't been turned on in weeks. I now own a $5000 Ethan Allen box to hide a $500 TV box that I don't use. Just throw the boob tube away. What do you do with a livingroom that has no TV? Feng shui.<p>My wife has started advising parents of kids with ADHD to get rid of their TVs. They're scared at first, but they do it. And in a few days or weeks they love her for it.<p>The pediatric neurologists I was with last month think ADHD probably isn't even a legit diagnosis (psychiatric diagnoses are voted on). They very frankly told me they think it's mainly a combination of TV and bad parenting, which is on the rise thanks to TV and entirely too many double-income homes. And if you're questioning their politics, these folks are <i>insanely</i> smart and educated, and probably more liberal than Noam Chomsky, and I know at least one that raised four kids herself.<p>In case you missed it: throw away the TV. All of them.<p>For specific readings, go to PubMed's Entrez site and look up the author "Christakis DA". He's prolific, but his biggest newsmakers are some rather large studies showing dose-dependent correlations between TV and obesity, attention deficit, violence at school, and I think there was something else.

As a hacker and father of four (2 grown now) I've read this thread with interest. What books to read as a new dad?<p>I wouldn't read any books. Or if you must read them, do so with a pinch of salt. Use your instinct. People in books will tell you all sorts of sounds-good things that rarely have any traction in the real world. It's like business tapes and self-help books: they know a bunch of people are out there looking for advice and they're going to pump your head full of something for your twenty bucks whether it works or not.<p>I am going to try to make a simple observation that I hope is not too controversial. For all of those "I did X,Y, Z and it is so much better" folks, last I checked humans have been making little replacements for millions of years. These replacements have done all sorts of things like introduce philosophy, conquer sickness, sail the oceans, learn to fly, etc. And I guarantee that none of these hundreds of thousands of exceptional cases ever had a parent that read some special book. Perhaps there is a pattern to how they were raised. If so, that empirical data is long lost to history.<p>So how about this? Try being a human with your kids. Seems to have worked for the rest of history except the last few decades. Might be worth giving it a shot, right? There are plenty of people out there who will read the books for you. Take a look around on this thread. And they will be more than willing to provide you their special "insight" on your situation -- complete with guilt trips, moral bromides, and sing-a-long philosophies. You should get used to these folks anyway, because whatever you do they'll still be there providing you with their counsel. Whether you want it or not.

Man, just go with your gut. I've got two kids, 6 and 1.5 (both boys) and they're night and day different. The best advice is to listen to you instincts. You know your kids better than any one else. If it doesn't feel right, it ain't right.<p>One caveat: ignore any advice that says you shouldn't get your kids vaccinated. The science doesn't hold up and, even if it did, it ignores the concept of relative risk (i.e. you're statistically more likely to be maimed by an uncontrolled case of measles than to get Autism from the MMR vaccine).

As a father the best thing you can do after attending to your daughters immediate needs, is learn more about how to become the kind of father that your daughter needs. After reading the following book I feel better prepared and informed to be a better father.<p>Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters (<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Strong-Fathers-Daughters-Secrets-Father/dp/1596980125" rel="nofollow">http://www.amazon.com/Strong-Fathers-Daughters-Secrets-Fathe...</a>)

I was looked at like a freak when I mentioned this in my pre/post-natal class, but I got a lot out The Language Instinct, by Steven Pinker.<p>Evolutionary neurobiology is a great way to think about skill acquisition in young children.

We have a 10 month old, a six, and eight y-o. Here are some books that have helped us:<p>The Happiest Baby on the Block: The New Way to Calm Crying and Help Your Newborn Baby Sleep Longer (Paperback) by Harvey Karp<p>Parenting Beyond Belief: On Raising Ethical, Caring Kids Without Religion by Dale McGowan

Just try to spend as much time with her as you can! The best is to take a deep breath and take full responsibility of your baby for a few hours, just two of you. This helps the create a very special relation between all three of you, while helping poor mum to recover a bit. We did it with our younger kid from the second month as my wife studied on each Saturday for 8 hours or more. From our experience this is a real booster. Be brave!

When my children were small, I found the Berkeley Parents Network[1] to be a good source of information.<p>[1] <a href="http://parents.berkeley.edu" rel="nofollow">http://parents.berkeley.edu</a>

I liked "Super Parents Super Children" (<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Super-Parents-Children-Frances-Kendall/dp/0929205006/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&#38;s=books&#38;qid=1204509907&#38;sr=1-1" rel="nofollow">http://www.amazon.com/Super-Parents-Children-Frances-Kendall...</a>)<p>From their book description: Provides the libertarian answer to solving all your child-raising problems, based on self-discipline and freedom of choice.

Baby Wise. I'd swear by 95% of it.

I have a 15 mo girl.<p>My wife read lots of books. I read a few. With a few exceptions, the books have been a waste of time and money. So many of the books in this genre have the feel of the Learn Blub in 21 Days line of programming books. Accept from the get-go that parenting is hard, there are no silver bullets, and you are going to spend a lot of time and energy if you want to do a good job, and filter anything you read from that perspective.<p>Nevertheless, we did find some helpful books. The most useful books we have are a reference book given to us by our pediatrician and a book about baby sign language (The following link is to the revised edition, which is not the one we have, but it's cheaper on amazon <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Signs-Revised-Linda-Acredolo/dp/B0012F7UCI/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&#38;s=books&#38;qid=1204563699&#38;sr=8-1" rel="nofollow">http://www.amazon.com/Baby-Signs-Revised-Linda-Acredolo/dp/B...</a>).<p>We went through a lot of "the book says" conversations early on, especially related to getting her to sleep. The thing to realize here is that it is up to you how to do it. There's a book out there that will support your position, and many of the books are contradictory. So, in the end, you'll end up having to decide what you think is right. The book many parents find useful is merely the one that reinforces their opinion, and they will use that book to appeal to authority in the passive-aggressive conversations that all new parents seem wont to have.<p>I had trouble finding what I felt like were unbiased opinions on sleep in particular. This book: <a href="http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/0345486455/ref=pd_bbs_sr_1?ie=UTF8&#38;s=books&#38;qid=1204563964&#38;sr=1-1" rel="nofollow">http://www.amazon.com/Healthy-Sleep-Habits-Happy-Child/dp/03...</a> was helpful, mostly because it more or less laid out three approaches and passed few, if any, value judgements on going to the baby vs. letting her cry herself to sleep.<p>In the end, I decided I couldn't stand to let her cry, so we settled on developing a very predictable routine at bedtime, and it has worked well. We have had our bumpy patches, particularly during illnesses, teething, and major milestones, but in general my child looks forward to bedtime and naps.<p>The sign language seems somewhat controversial among our peers, but we are in the less progressive southeastern US. The common fear is that it will retard speech. I just wanted to be able to communicate with my child, and it has made for a pleasant experience so far. She seems to be developing vocbulary at an above normal rate. I don't necessarily attribute that to signs, but it is at least one counterexample to the fear of significant speech retardation.

Not a book recommendation, but I suggest playing classical music often :)

Congratulations!

<i>Read</i> the Ferber sleep book. The details matter.

I read <a href="http://www.takingchildrenseriously.com/" rel="nofollow">http://www.takingchildrenseriously.com/</a> and its email list. (Note: website not updated recently.)<p>I also write about parenting. Try<p><a href="http://www.curi.us/archives/list_category/50" rel="nofollow">http://www.curi.us/archives/list_category/50</a><p>or<p><a href="http://www.curi.us/archives/list_category/6" rel="nofollow">http://www.curi.us/archives/list_category/6</a><p>It's not especially organized and other topics are mixed in. I also write to the email list above.