It's not too late for slow parenting

I am in unique position as a parent. We have a 26 year old, 8 year old and 3 year old. We never tried to stop having kids, but all of the sudden we found ourselves pregnant when the oldest was 18. Then, a complete surprise when the last one came along.<p>When the 26 year old was born I was hyperfocused on getting her involved in everything. We signed her up for tons of stuff, exposed her to many things and we were continually going. I coached her in soccer and basketball, my wife taught her things like sewing and home maintenance. She&#x27;s now an RN and working in a hospital.<p>Sounds good, right?<p>In our rush to expose her to so much, we overlooked the simple premise that she should do what interests her. She didn&#x27;t graduate from college until 25 due to her inability to stick with things. I am so proud of her since she is the most caring person I know, but part of me knows we failed her by forcing her into so many different activities through her childhood. She felt she could try something and quit, try something else, quit. Rinse. Repeat.<p>Our youngest 2 kids aren&#x27;t forced to do things they don&#x27;t want to do. We ask them if there is interest and if there is we sign them up. If not, we don&#x27;t. We&#x27;ve eliminated TV and limit kindle screen time and spend so much more time with them than we did the oldest. Honestly, I don&#x27;t know if there are differences yet, but I do know the younger kids seem to find more things to do on their own.<p>Part of me thinks it might depend on the kid, but I am convinced parents forcing their children into so many activities hinders them in the long run.

It&#x27;s hard to know what the right thing to do, but young kids have an immense advantage that they&#x27;ll quickly lose: the ability to learn really fast.<p>A couple of examples:<p>If you don&#x27;t start playing soccer really young, you will never be able to catch up to someone who did.<p>A child can easily become fluent in two languages if they&#x27;re immersed from a young age. Learning a second language once you&#x27;re past 20 is <i>hard</i>.<p>It would be shame to waste potential.

My wife and I argue over this all the time. She wants the kids to enroll in soccer, swimming and what not, all at the ripe age of 2+. I have been like &quot;whats the hurry. Let them grow up naturally and we can always do those things&quot;. I guess it is a difficult topic but there is never really a right answer.

<i>Moreover what your full-grown kid would do at school, if you already taught him reading, counting, talking in foreign languages, practicing yoga and kung fu and playing the violin?</i><p>My uni physics professor had similar fears about his child, so he didn&#x27;t teach him as much as he could have. I&#x27;m curious to hear from other parents on HN about this. It seems like a valid concern. At the same time, I didn&#x27;t enjoy the traditional school system at all, and I&#x27;m glad that there are alternative schools where a child can learn at the speed he wants, whether fast or slow.<p><a href="http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.etreetdevenir.com&#x2F;EED.en.html#Accueil" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.etreetdevenir.com&#x2F;EED.en.html#Accueil</a>

I have two children and I am now a grandparent. I have to agree that there is no hurry. Too often parents get caught up in comparing their children to the &quot;Norm&quot;. Truth is that they all have their own schedule, and they are all different. In my opinion, you and your children will lead a much happier, more well adjusted life, if you let your kids set their own pace. Enjoy every moment and step along the way, don&#x27;t try to make it go faster, childhood is very fleeting.

I have always viewed my role as a parent as setting the boundaries of behavior, and providing a nourishing environment, within which the child could grow and develop on their own, slow or fast, with subtle guidance by me.

Just became a parent a month ago, and yeah, I am struggling to balance what my aspirations are for my daughter with what will would give her the best childhood she could have. Not and easy line to walk.

As a current parent the problem with this is that you&#x27;d need to get every other parent to agree with it for it to work well, especially in sports.<p>Let me give an example. At 4&#x2F;5 kids can start playing baseball, mine started at 5. He played during spring and summer for two years. Sessions were 10 weeks, with 1 practice and 1 game, and we played catch some at home. He really enjoyed it.<p>But now, by age 8, he has a decision to make (and I do to as a parent). He can stay with &quot;Rec level&quot; which is just kids having fun (as slow parenting would imply). Or, he can join the &quot;intermediate team&quot;. What does that entail? 4 practices per week plus 1 game, and significant travel to weekend tournaments. The team website also specifies the only times of year you can take vacation. If he doesn&#x27;t join this team, he is at age 8 effectively giving up any chance of playing baseball in high school. If he does play on the team however, he&#x27;s giving up on other activities, and we give up our freedom to not have vacation schedules dictated to us.<p>So, I guess if every other parent in the world agreed not to push kids like this it would work, for now it can leave kids behind.<p>EDIT made paragraphs

Learning how to be slow in our extremely fast lives, is probably one of the important skill you can develop in you and your kids.

My child did start speaking 2 languages (French and English) since she is 3 (she is now 6). She is in an environment where she is motivated to move forward and learn (a good school). But I am very careful to monitor her happiness and want to make sure she enjoy learning for herself...