Alarm goes off at 6. I hit snooze 12 times until it's about 7. I half doze, half ruminate on why I can't just get out of bed at 6. The hour I steal from myself gives me immeasurable pleasure. Around 7 I make it down into the bathroom, where I check political news for about a half hour. I ruminate on how unhealthy my eating habits are. I take a shower, and get out of the house by 8. On the ride in, I try to use positive thinking to set the tone for the day, but I generally fail and focus on negative thoughts. I obsess about whether living and working on the Internet have caused a reverse personal renaissance. Often I grab a high carb, high fat bagel and cream cheese, and large coffee.<p>Once I'm in, I log onto here for a half hour, check reddit, and try to force myself to "feel motivated". I hop onto Lync, and the underlings tell me about drama from their mid 20s lives. I get jealous of them and all the experiences they could be having, but they're locked up in the same corporation I am. We do fake smiles and get lots of coffee. I do agile meetings and track my own progress in a little web app. Once per week, a chart is mailed based off metrics I self assigned, to my manager and the director.<p>By 11am I start to decide if I am going to write any code for that day. If I haven't started, I get overwhelmed. Lately I have panic attacks, but I have a new doctor who tells me to stop eating carbs and drinking coffee. I lie to her and tell her I am, and then get those items on the way back from the appointment as a reward.<p>Tell me I'm not as alone as that felt