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Evidence That Online Dating Is Changing Society

257 点作者 dtawfik1超过 7 年前

31 条评论

ScottBurson超过 7 年前
My wife and I met online in 1992. Not on a dating site; we were both posting to a Usenet group, alt.psychology.personality. She had posted that she was trying to figure out whether she was a Five or a Six in the Enneagram system of personality analysis. My first words to her, in a private email, were &quot;Well, do you have a bigger problem with depression or paranoia?&quot; Ha! How&#x27;s <i>that</i> for a smooth come-on line?? :-)
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drcross超过 7 年前
This ignores the far bigger reaching impact of online dating, that which includes some uncomfortable gender dynamics for hetrosexuals; The top percentage of men get the lions share of the dating options and presumably more frequent sex with no reason to commit to the ladies in question while lower tier men suffer disillusionment from their lack of options. The OK Cupid blog page is a filled with these sorts of nuggets, such as women rate 80% of guys as worse-looking than the medium: <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;theblog.okcupid.com&#x2F;your-looks-and-your-inbox-8715c0f1561e" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;theblog.okcupid.com&#x2F;your-looks-and-your-inbox-8715c0...</a>
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harshaw超过 7 年前
I am 42 and got married (for the second time) a couple of months ago. After getting a divorce I worked my butt off on okCupid to meet my wife. I made it a full time gig and I am happy with the results.<p>Besides finding a great life parter, one of the most surprising results is what is hinted at but not really discussed in the article. She brought a completely new social circle into my life. Although we are the same age (Roughly) and have lived in Boston for the last 20 years, the Venn diagram of our circle of friends didn&#x27;t overlap.<p>My perception is that my social life is much more interesting at this point because of this, rather than my College friends, many of whom married their college parters.
abalone超过 7 年前
It&#x27;s still just a correlation, and there&#x27;s a problem with the article:<p><i>Of course, there are other factors that could contribute to the increase in interracial marriage.... [But] “The change in the population composition in the U.S. cannot explain the huge increase in intermarriage that we observe,” say Ortega and Hergovich.</i><p><i>That leaves online dating as the main driver of this change.</i><p>Except there are more than two possible explanations for this correlation. For example, attitudes towards interracial marriage may have changed in the past couple decades. Therefore this is faulty logic (on the part of the author who wrote this summary, who is different from the researchers).<p>The study makes a good case for online dating playing a role, but it falls short of establishing it as &quot;the main driver.&quot;
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Mz超过 7 年前
I think they are missing an important detail.<p>Online dating doesn&#x27;t simply connect you to &quot;new&quot; people. It connects you to them <i>privately</i>. It is a setting in which you and you alone need to judge this person and how suitable they are as a partner for you.<p>I grew up in the Deep South. * I attended public school. I had non-white classmates. I knew guys who were Black or Hispanic who were interested in me.<p>But, I had no path forward.<p>In a racist environment, just talking to someone of color in a flirty way will get significant social push back. You have to be willing and able to stand your ground in order to pursue the relationship at all. People don&#x27;t want to deal with something like that at the curiosity stage. Its very existence helps kill relationships before they can begin. It is just too much drama and makes it too hard to navigate the relationship.<p>Online dating lets you talk to people without all that. It lets you say &quot;Hi!&quot; and flirt without deciding five minutes after you met them that standing down the entire world is a thing you are up for.<p>No one in their right mind is up for that just to have coffee. You commit to that at the marriage stage, not at the making eyes at each other stage. If you have to make that decision before you can even chat them up, 99 percent of the time the decision will be to not chat them up to begin with.<p>Edit: I will add that the privacy angle is likely a large factor in why online dating has been so popular for starting homosexual relationships.<p>* A long time ago. Hopefully, it&#x27;s better now.
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Overtonwindow超过 7 年前
Online dating has diluted the decision making requirements of dating. Rather than getting to know someone, over time, dating websites allow us to flip through massive numbers of people. With this impression that there are massive numbers of people to choose from, it tricks us into believing we can be more selective, and dismissive of attributes. These websites, IMO, have the negative affect of giving us &quot;too much&quot; choice, and so people never settle or make choices, or take chances.
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ransom1538超过 7 年前
A fun math question (interview?): let&#x27;s say you want to meet someone and you are in a bar in SF. What are the odds?<p>1) The population of sf 800,000.<p>2) Ok, but 1&#x2F;2 the population isn&#x27;t into you. (male vs female). 400,000<p>3) Ok, but people under 20 and people over 30 you aren&#x27;t interested in. A 10 (ten) year span of average age of 70. But hey we are friends here so lets do 1&#x2F;5. We are down to 80,000.<p>4) Ok, but how many people in that time frame are <i>not</i> in a relationship. %10 (pulled from my facebook). Ok, that is down now to 8,000.<p>5) Ok, but you are into people that are physically fit. That removes %50. You are down to 4,000.<p>6) Crap. You like college educated people that have a job. Now you are at another %50 loss. 2,000.<p>7) Ok, but you are in a bar. What percent do not go into bars? %50 loss. 1,000.<p>8) But you are in a bar @ saturday at 8pm. People go out let&#x27;s average 1 time a week (thur,fri,sat). That is another %66 loss. Down to 330.<p>9) You are in a particular bar. There are ~600 bars in sf., with only 330 people in SF that meet your criteria. They will not be wearing a sign.<p>10) So, there you are, buying $8 beer #4, standing in a bar hoping to meet someone - that statistically isn&#x27;t there.<p>=&gt; Online wins.
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nunez超过 7 年前
Online dating is a godsend.<p>It eliminates so much of the bullshit you deal with by meeting a stranger through &quot;common ties&quot; (as the authors of this article put it) or in a social environment like a bar or outing. You can literally find someone that you&#x27;ll highly likely be compatible with by answering a ton of questions and searching for exactly what you want.<p>My fiancee and I met on OkCupid, and we are proud to tell people that we met on there and how. I&#x27;ve been dating online for many years before I met her, and I can tell that the stigma associated with it has gone down <i>a lot</i> since then.<p>I wouldn&#x27;t say that online dating completely eliminates the race problem, however. While it definitely makes it easier for people of different races to come together by dint of not having to rely on social circles to make connections, there are plenty of people that have their racial preferences set in stone. I&#x27;ve come across plenty of women whose profiles said that they were only interested in <i>x</i> (where <i>x</i> was usually someone white). I suppose that it&#x27;s really hard for someone who&#x27;s grown up in a homogeneous environment to try something else all of a sudden.<p>This became a lot clearer for me after we moved down to a Dallas suburb from NYC, where damn nearly <i>everyone</i> is white and the racial divide is really, really clear. I&#x27;m almost always the only person of color in the events I participate in with my fiancee (she is white) and I&#x27;m one of very, very few in our church (she picked it out). This doesn&#x27;t bother me very much, and no-one has given me shit for looking different (except one dude who thought I was Mexican for some reason), but I do wonder how someone in an environment like this would go about getting romantically involved with someone non-white.
King-Aaron超过 7 年前
I don&#x27;t think any woman I&#x27;ve met so far in life has damaged my self-esteem quite to the extent that services like Tinder have.
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xupybd超过 7 年前
Hmm... this article points to a lot of good outcomes but I don&#x27;t see any data to back up the claims. They also say the marriages are stronger, but don&#x27;t indicate the metrics they&#x27;re using? I hope their conclusions are correct but doubt the methods used to come to those conclusions.
ak_yo超过 7 年前
The figure in this article* is taken (without citation) from a 2012 article by sociologists Michael Rosenfeld and Reuben Thomas.<p>(open-access preprint: <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;web.stanford.edu&#x2F;~mrosenfe&#x2F;Rosenfeld_How_Couples_Meet_Working_Paper.pdf" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;web.stanford.edu&#x2F;~mrosenfe&#x2F;Rosenfeld_How_Couples_Mee...</a>)<p>* Edit: The paper on ArXiv cites R&amp;T properly, it&#x27;s the MIT Tech Review piece that doesn&#x27;t.
heyheyhey超过 7 年前
Hardest reality with online dating is realizing the competition (at least for a 30 year old like myself).<p>When I was in high school, I&#x27;m only competing with like 2 or 3 guys for 1 girl. In college, that increases to probably like 5-10. With online dating? Feels like 50-100.
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online-ignorer超过 7 年前
Online dating is all about looks first and nothing else! You better look halfway decent or your going to hate Tinder and etc. If your a minority I bet it’s not a lot of fun either!
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epx超过 7 年前
I found my wife in an online chat about 10 years ago. We would never ever meet if the technology wasn&#x27;t there. And it was quite easy to stand out - according to her, I was the only guy that didn&#x27;t say something in the line &quot;nice shoes, wanna fuck?&quot;.<p>And yes, I was looking for low-level contact with the opposite sex; but also open to a higher-level relationship if it worked out.
astura超过 7 年前
&gt;“Our model also predicts that marriages created in a society with online dating tend to be stronger,” they say.<p>From everything I understand the data says just the opposite, that couples who met online are more likely to break up.<p><a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.huffingtonpost.com&#x2F;2014&#x2F;10&#x2F;01&#x2F;online-dating-marriages_n_5909212.html" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.huffingtonpost.com&#x2F;2014&#x2F;10&#x2F;01&#x2F;online-dating-marr...</a>
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modzu超过 7 年前
ugh:<p>&quot;To continue reading this article, please exit incognito mode or log in...<p>Visitors are allowed 3 free articles per month (without a subscription), and private browsing prevents us from counting how many stories you&#x27;ve read. We hope you understand, and consider subscribing for unlimited online access.&quot;<p>So like, I can just clear my browser cache to reset the counter, but you&#x27;re going to nag me about closing my browser to read this one? Come on MIT
StillBored超过 7 年前
Hmmmm. The graphs are interesting, particularly the bar&#x2F;restaurant line which seems to have been fairly flat until the online line flattened out, and then it had a big rise.<p>I wonder if that is because more people are actually meeting in bars, or because people are using social media of some sort and &quot;meeting&quot; in a bar&#x2F;restaurant for the first time and putting that in the survey instead of &quot;online&quot;.
gumby超过 7 年前
Surprised the article referred to the value of weak ties without explicitly mentioning Granovetter‘s seminal paper, The Strength of Weak Ties (which applies to much more than dating): <a href="http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.journals.uchicago.edu&#x2F;doi&#x2F;abs&#x2F;10.1086&#x2F;225469" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.journals.uchicago.edu&#x2F;doi&#x2F;abs&#x2F;10.1086&#x2F;225469</a>
Dowwie超过 7 年前
TechnologyReview is reporting plausible but non-peer reviewed research because being first to report is more important than reporting truth. Their &quot;Emerging Technology from the Arxiv&quot; needs a lightbox disclaimer warning that the contents are unverified. A lot of people here are taking the time to read, reflect, and comment on this material as if it were true.
Abishek_Muthian超过 7 年前
When we launched FindDate (<a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;finddate.co" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;finddate.co</a>) - a chat app network dating platform, I chose to keep it interracial by default; even though geo fencing is just a click away. Some felt it might not work.<p>I firmly believe that,<p>We cannot address racism, by hiding races. We need to give a chance to the people to mingle with people of different races to show that they are equal.<p>We cannot address body shaming, by hiding people of different body sizes.<p>This was our base principle in FindDate and from the feedback we&#x27;re receiving; it looks like people are loving it.
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peter303超过 7 年前
Correction: online dating srted in the 1980s with usenet and dialup bboards.
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gumby超过 7 年前
The funny thing about social circles: I met my gf online a few years ago; after we connected I realized that I knew her PhD advisor (she studied outside California) and that a fellow student of <i>my</i> advisor whom I knew (I also studied outside California but in a different city from her) lived next door to her and knew her well. And we have both lived and worked in Palo Alto for the last 15+ years.<p>Yet despite those pretty tight connections our social circles are essentially completely disjoint.
pjdemers超过 7 年前
It&#x27;s going to change everything about the future, because it&#x27;s going to change everyone who lives in the future. In a few generations, everyone will have ancestors who met through online dating, and therefore would not exist without it.
gerbilly超过 7 年前
I don&#x27;t get online dating.<p>Just meet people in real life and leave it up to chance, you know like it has always been since the dawn of our species...<p>Can you imagine a shakespeare play 500 years from now where one of the major characters is an algorithm? Geez.
justonepost超过 7 年前
I am really curious about that bump in the 80&#x27;s.
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baristaGeek超过 7 年前
According to the article Tinder has 50 million users. Is 50 a million a significant sample considering that the world has 6 billion people?
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geoffreyhale超过 7 年前
“Our model also predicts that marriages created in a society with online dating tend to be stronger,”
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Danihan超过 7 年前
So... am I missing something, or is the only evidence they cite a thin correlation between increased online dating and increasing rates of interracial marriage?
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jstewartmobile超过 7 年前
This is an interesting train that was derailed into the boring track of race.<p>I&#x27;d be more interested in what the long-term genetic effects of matching up fairly similar people across larger and larger divides (distance, social circles, habits, professions, etc.) might be.
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wallace_f超过 7 年前
The article concludes that online dating is good for society because it increases the rate of interracial marriage.<p>Isn&#x27;t online dating changing more than just the rate of interracial marriage? I suppose complex subjects can be easily simplified by looking at only one of the effects, but it doesn&#x27;t help us to understand whether it is good or bad, it only gives an indication.<p>Dynamite, heroin, chemical weapons, fossil fuels, and refrigeration have all been argued to be good for society due to some single inherent positive effect. They all have negative effects that were unforeseen.<p>If we want to know what the effect would be, we would need to conduct scientific experiments and see the results.
known超过 7 年前
Do not marry unless he&#x2F;she clears fMRI <a href="http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.sciencedaily.com&#x2F;releases&#x2F;2015&#x2F;01&#x2F;150127212158.htm" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.sciencedaily.com&#x2F;releases&#x2F;2015&#x2F;01&#x2F;150127212158.ht...</a>