Is there an upside to having no social life?

196 点作者 hvo超过 7 年前

24 条评论

nilkn超过 7 年前

During one of the happier periods of my life, I lived by myself in a small but very nice apartment. I had a girlfriend, but we didn't live together. We'd hang out on the weekends a lot and maybe one weeknight out of the work week.I really found this to be an excellent balance. I had a space that I was proud of and had complete control over, eliminating entire categories of possible conflicts in life. I had plenty of time for my own pursuits. I was in a very meaningful relationship. I went into the weekends excited to see people, and I went into the workweek feeling socially fulfilled and ready to be productive.This is a very difficult balance to maintain. Indeed, it's almost impossible. Most relationships either end or progress to the point of living together. In fact, most folks would say there's something "wrong" with a relationship if the couple has been together for years but chooses not to live together.

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shados超过 7 年前

I once sat down and listed everything I wanted to do that don't really require other people. Not like "watch this TV show", but REALLY want to do. Learning some topics, traveling to certain places, some software projects, etc.My list is very, very, VERY long (and includes some long term things), and I'd have to live a few hundred years to do it all. That's if I had no social life whatsoever. I took several sabbaticals (including a 2 years one), long vacations, etc. I can't even dent the list.Ive been married for years and I'm very happy, mainly my wife is absolutely awesome, but even before meeting her I did just fine for almost a decade alone (I lived alone and didn't really go out to social events. By choice. Because of that long list. Too much I want to do!).Now we have a lot of mutual friends, go out, lots of events, etc. But when I'm thinking of vacations, all I want to do is stay home with headphones on for 2 weeks without anyone talking to me. I could easily do it for years: I have before. If something was to happen and I ended up single, I'd probably just do that until I'm too old to take care of myself.

jcun4128超过 7 年前

I live with a roommate. We're friends. He's like the only "social life" I have and it's not much. Just work at restaurant, work at home (web).Often I'm fueled by the drive of escaping poverty. Sometimes though I actually feel bored. I just stop and lose momentum. Binge eat, pass out, feel bad at lack of progress. Like what is my life for? What do I enjoy?I dream of working/living in a city but I'm also afraid of crowds/new people haha.I don't know I want to be exposed to nature more like seeing grass, feeling heat, blue sky... I just spend most of my time in a box staring at screens. There is always something on, music, some show/movie.I used to live in a fraternity house and was not really the cool guy I don't know throughout school I just wanted to be cool/fit in. I don't know I wasted a lot of time/money made a hole for myself.After I crashed my car a few years back (nothing major just broke a tie rod), I didn't fix it. I became unemployed and I enjoyed the freedom of sleeping/waking whenever. This was also when I tainted myself financially and now (future) I realize my mistake.I then committed myself to learning webdev. This thought of building high traffic websites and getting rich entered my mind (did not happen). I guess I couldn't commit to school. Man time flies. So yeah that's what I pursue, freedom.

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pmoriarty超过 7 年前

1 - You can just focus on your own interests, and you don't have to cater to the needs, wants, or whims of anyone else.2 - You can do what you want, when you want.3 - You don't have to worry about pleasing people, or not offending them.4 - You don't have to attend any boring social functions.5 - You'll save a ton of money on drinks, restaurants, and travel.6 - You could learn a lot more, if that's what you choose to do with all your extra free time.There are downsides too, of course, but this thread is about the upsides.

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CharlesDodgson超过 7 年前

Kind of reminds me when I lived on my own for a while, I really started liking my own company and reading, watching stuff, staying up late and generally doing what I felt I liked best. It wasn't negative really I'd just go to the gym, bake a cake, watch a few documentaries, attempt to learn some code, it was overall a nice experience.Then I realised that I was liking my own company too much and people weren't all they were cracked up to be. I thought for my own mental health it was best to break this deadlock and start integrating myself more with friends.

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bykovich2超过 7 年前

> Doing nothing can be as equally energising as time out spent with people, and is in fact necessary in order to recharge, says Pedro Diaz, CEO of the Workplace Mental Health Institute in Sydney.Hmm, who's this guy?> Driven by an obsession for better outcomes in workplace mental health, Pedro Diaz founded The Workplace Mental Health Institute as a boutique educational resource for managers serious about creating immediate and sustainable changes for their organisation’s mental health.What's a "boutique educational resource"? That's a phrase I've never in my days encountered.This article is stating nothing but the obvious: that living by a calendar maniacally filled to bursting is not the road to happiness.> "We find that people who are dual-centric tend to be healthier, do better at work and do better at home," says Galinsky [co-founder of the Families and Work Institute]."Dual-centric" apparently means "not monomaniacal."

usaphp超过 7 年前

For some reason some people here seem to equate having social life with going on night long parties, for me social life is riding a bike at 6 am with my best friends and stopping for a cup of coffee along the ride and have a good conversation, playing soccer on weekends with a bunch of people. You don’t need to go dancing and drinking at 1 am at a night club to have social life.

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codingdave超过 7 年前

Like most things in life, moderation is probably the wisest path... I have had a very limited social life for the past 5 years. Working from home, putting most of my energy into my work and family. The work was a success... the company grew and got sold. The family did just OK. Personally, I have no friends left because I stopped seeing them. I stopped going to kung fu classes. I just stopped doing things, like the article said. And 5 years later, I find myself realizing that yes, there were upsides to being at home and working... but I do not think I am a better person for it. I actually think I'm kinda boring and quite stagnant, and it is a bit of a letdown to have to come to terms with that.So a few weeks or a month of that sounds fine. But again... moderation in all things. (Don't be like me.)

nunez超过 7 年前

Depends on the kind of person you are. While I love getting along with people and making acquaintances, I am extremely introverted by nature. I just spent two weeks essentially by myself, and it was a GODSEND. Others that rely on friends probably would think otherwise.

jarjoura超过 7 年前

I attribute my feelings from growing up as an only child, but I absolutely love doing things by myself. I prefer traveling by myself, doing hobbies by myself, going to the theater by myself. All of those things may seem lonely to others, but honestly, it works for me.

chewz超过 7 年前

Welcome to adulthood. This is how it looks like for many grown up people for whom social duties are a chore and who prefer career, time alone and early sleep.

brailsafe超过 7 年前

I'm seeing a lot of one-to-one connections being made between social activities and social obligations. Weddings can be torture and less of a choice. Parties can be fun or torture and are optional. Nobody's ever said "Man I'm so happy at this point in my life. I've been to 6 weddings this month!". On the other hand, my summer has been one of the best in recent memory due in no small part to the people I've spent it with in varying capacities. Solitude is super important sometimes, but so is human interaction with different people. Not for everyone of course. I think it helps to modulate your social investments. Maybe you don't want to go to parties, weddings, socials, birthdays, whatever. Fine. Fuck them. Empower yourself to say fuck them. If all you're doing socially is keeping up appearances, then you'll be miserable. Try taking one person that you value out for coffee once a week. Not the same person every week at the same time. Vary it.Well... that's my pocket of change.

Fezzik超过 7 年前

I can relate to the notion of 'deep work' benefiting from solitude. I think I am odd in that I love company and have lots of friends due to growing up where I live, but I spend very little time with them. This became a conscience choice in my late 20s and led me to develop a lot of skills (guitar, penmanship, running/swimming/biking, reading, mountaineering, etc...) which, oddly, make the time I spend with people richer (I think).As with most things, it seems like the best advice is to do what works for you. I have friends that go stir-crazy without some nightly social interaction, whereas I would rather delve in to personal endeavors on my own. I don't think either one is 'better' in any sort of existential way.That said, it is amazing how many people who socialize regularly are constantly complaining about how unfulfilling social functions are.

ryanmarsh超过 7 年前

One thing to take into account is the quality of ones potential associates.I could share an apartment with my best friend (we deployed together so we’ve lived in close proximity) and be happy but if I had to suffer just one evening a week with people who weren’t great friends I think I’d be a lot less happy.

maxxxxx超过 7 年前

Since moving to CA I am having trouble building up a social circle. I am fine doing things alone and often enjoy it but what I miss is new things you can do and learn through friends. Things I wouldn't have the opportunity by myself. Like when someone has a sailing boat and takes you for a trip, or you can go with someone to a concert backstage or drive an expensive car. I definitely miss that.

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bitL超过 7 年前

I do a compromise - when I work I am isolated, 100% focused, then I throw a big party with a lot of diverse people (artists, technologists, regular folks) and get my socialization fun as well. I love cooperating with other super capable people (that is very rare due to societal push for stupid competition) but can do world-class stuff on my own as well when no other option is available.

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throw912323超过 7 年前

I don't know; there is definitely a basal need for a community, but these days, it just seems so artificial.

callesgg超过 7 年前

>I was spending 22 hours or more each week on social activities.I often get envious of people having that much social time.But the fact is that I would not be able to cope with it. Talking to people and having good interesting conversations is extremely energy intensive.

owebmaster超过 7 年前

In the short term, it is good to "reframe" yourself, like a monk mode.

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rglover超过 7 年前

This is how I've been living my life for years now. It's not all sunshine and rainbows (we can't live without other humans), but I've found myself far happier and exceedingly productive.

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Simulacra超过 7 年前

The only upside I found to not having a social life was cost.

hacker_9超过 7 年前

Well this thread is depressing, if you're not wanting to interact with other people for fun then what is the point exactly? No one ever says they wished they did more work on their deathbed.

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cerealbad超过 7 年前

in a free society some people will choose to disassociate themselves from it.

Dowwie超过 7 年前

Sure, marriage and family