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People Don't Know Themselves Very Well

247 点作者 dmurthy大约 7 年前

22 条评论

jm__87大约 7 年前
Something worth adding is that there isn&#x27;t anything in your brain that is immutable. We aren&#x27;t really capable of observing some changes as they happen so gradually, yet it is quite obvious the changes have occurred. The way you perceive the world is going to be significantly different today than it was when you were an adolescent, yet you can&#x27;t recall exactly what it was like to be that adolescent since you would have had to create an exact copy of your brain&#x2F;body at that point in your life to have access the same context.<p>I always try to remember this fact when dealing with others. Past experiences and environmental context (that is to say, internal environment, e.g. blood sugar levels, hormone levels, neurotransmitter levels, etc) are extremely important to how you experience life on a day to day basis. It is literally impossible to fully imagine what someone else&#x27;s experience is like, so it is important to listen carefully and be empathetic with others.
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wmccullough大约 7 年前
I would like to add another viewpoint from my own real world experiences.<p>Many people know who they really are deep, deep down. I find that most of the life long struggle is just to be, and express who we know ourselves to be.<p>I&#x27;m sure there are plenty of people that do not genuinely know who they are, and it&#x27;s hard to blame them. In my 30s, I feel like our generation as born, lived, and died with extreme amounts of advertising and promotion in front of our faces.<p>The only thing that scares me more than not having an implicit identity is having an identity that is driven by so much consumption that you believe you need to buy the Crest Whitestrips, do squats for a bigger butt, or person who has lots of Starbucks Star Rewards. No disrespect to those goals in their own right, self-improvement is always a noble cause to me, but I fear of people just becoming: Guy with the good teeth, girl with the Kardashian butt, or person who knows every piece of Starbucks lingo.<p>I genuinely mean it when I say that I hope that folks don&#x27;t allow their identity to be supplanted by everything that the glowing box says we should be. I hope we don&#x27;t become as unique as the sum of our corporate fingerprints, but perhaps we should accept that corporate fingerprints are allowed to be part of us too.<p>There is no pretending here, I&#x27;m not anymore free of this than anyone else, but I sometimes think this is why the world (and to some extent Americans) say that if you leave milk and America by themselves, only one of them will develop a culture. We have the unfortunate chance of being a nation that developed in a relatively modern era with more advertising being done in the last two hundred years than in the entire span of human history (note: I have no proof of this, this is purely conjecture on my part)<p>P.S. I apologize if this came off as preachy in any way. I love humanity and I get sad thinking about people living and dying without ever knowing who they really are. This just ended up becoming a stream-of-conciousness type post more than anything.
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drjesusphd大约 7 年前
This is something I struggle with and am profoundly bothered that, in my 30s, I can&#x27;t answer simple questions about my own personality. Things like: am I a morning person or a night person? How close am I to burning out? Introvert or extrovert? Do I actually enjoy travel?<p>Maybe 10 years ago, I had solid answers to all of these, but now I don&#x27;t. Or at least the answers change month to month. Maybe this is an example of Socratic wisdom: it&#x27;s better to admit not knowing than &quot;know&quot; the wrong answer.
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taneq大约 7 年前
&gt; So if I wanted to know how smart political candidates were, I wouldn’t bother with an IQ test. I’d just ask one question: How intelligent do you think you are?<p>This is a terrible measure. It&#x27;s not &quot;dumb people think they&#x27;re smart, smart people think they&#x27;re dumb, so just flip the answer.&quot; It&#x27;s &quot;everyone thinks they&#x27;re roughly 75th percentile.&quot;
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maaark大约 7 年前
&gt;And at Morning Star, employees get to write their own job descriptions based on how they plan to contribute to the company’s mission that year. But they have to get their closest colleagues to buy in on it, and then their coworkers rate their performance and determine their salary.<p>Sounds terrifying. Payscale linked to your coworkers opinions of you.
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psyc大约 7 年前
It seems obvious that how I see myself is completely different from how person A sees me, which in turn is different from how person B in a different context sees me. But as an individualist, I bristle at the premise that self knowledge is a matter of other people’s perspectives. I’ve had other people say all kinds of whacky things about me, such as “I always assumed you were a pretty religious Christian,” while I think of myself as agnostic atheist.<p>I consider others view of me very important, for certain limited purposes. I guess I’m not sure what “more accurate” would even mean here. I wouldn’t necessarily privilege other’s view of me all that much, especially in the context of what “self knowledge” means to me.
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colmvp大约 7 年前
&gt; One: If you want people to really know you, weekly meetings don’t cut it. You need deep dives with them in high-intensity situations.<p>I&#x27;m sure most people experienced situations in a company where things were rocky and others in the company were experiencing the same situation. I haven&#x27;t spoken to certain co-workers in years, yet I know for a fact that if I e-mailed them today saying I&#x27;m coming into town, they&#x27;d be excited to meet for dinner.<p>&gt; Two: Looking under your own hood at what makes you tick and writing it down can provide a useful reference.<p>That&#x27;s also where mindfulness can be very helpful in that you build up the sensitivity to see what&#x27;s going on within yourself.<p>&gt; Three: Put yourself in situations where you can’t ignore feedback from multiple sources.<p>If only I had design critiques &#x2F; code review for my past life decisions.<p>I think for much stronger beliefs (e.g. &quot;I&#x27;m intelligent&quot;, &quot;I&#x27;m attractive&quot;...) it takes repeated blows over a course of time to update the error. It wasn&#x27;t until I got my ass kicked from learning STEM subjects over a course of a year and got rejected A TON in online dating until my priors got updated to a more accurate calibration.
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scandox大约 7 年前
I think a great deal of our confusion in life comes from the idea that we have a strongly fixed identity - that we are this or that &quot;kind of person&quot; - with definite characteristics which don&#x27;t vary much with context.<p>I think we construct an enormous number of illusions, especially with regard to what our - usually untested - values are.<p>I think many of what appear to be our innermost feelings are learned&#x2F;mimetic reactions that have become deeply ingrained.<p>This can be disturbing to some people because it makes them feel unstable - but it is also very freeing because it means we can really change. Even how we feel about things.<p>It also means we can become monsters.
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eksemplar大约 7 年前
When I picked up my management education, part of it included psychology. The approach was focused on management, and things like Helle Hein’s archetype theory, Deci and Ryan’s motivational theory or stuff like DiSC profiles, all had the end goal of teaching me how to maximize worker and group performances in a professional and assertive setting, but I learned a lot about myself going through it.<p>I knew I was a perfectionist. I also knew compromising on quality demotivated me because I want to do things right. I learned that I could stop losing motivation and keep both the joy and personal ownership despite compromising by looking at the bigger picture. It doesn’t matter that parts of the software suck if the end user still see an improved product.<p>This may be obvious to some, it may even sound self-deluding to others, but I learned how to better handle one of the most common place occurrences in my daily life, compromise, by getting to know myself better and finding solutions to my weaknesses.<p>I highly recommend it.
nailer大约 7 年前
I had an odd experience recently: I took around 20 milligrams of sativa, in edible form, as someone who hasn&#x27;t really experimented with cannabis before.<p>The sativa made me feel somewhat egoless - I could re-examine different events from my life and seperate the stories I tell myself to placate my ego vs what actually happened. It&#x27;s a very vulnerable state - your ego is also a necessary shield - but I felt like I was able to look at myself with more impartial point of view.
11thEarlOfMar大约 7 年前
Echoing what others have said, the extent to which we know ourselves depends in (large?) part to the range of life experiences we&#x27;ve endured. Extremes might be enjoyment such as roller coaster or paintball wars, grief from losing a loved one, pride in seeing your child excel at a sport, fear while being under fire in a war zone, pain in a boxing ring,... If you haven&#x27;t had extreme experiences, can you really be certain how you&#x27;d react and how intense those reactions would be? Can you really place your day-to-day experiences in context of the entire range of possibilities? I&#x27;ve found that, in general, people with less life experience tend to under-react to some circumstances and overreact to others, for example.<p>The other half would be how honest we are with ourselves on reflection of those experiences. (Did I really enjoy it that much? Was it really as painful as I felt at the time? Why did that circumstance cause so much embarrassment? I believe others would not have felt it so poignantly...)<p>It&#x27;s a complex endeavor, but certainly worthwhile, especially if you&#x27;re in or aspiring to be in, leadership. Leaders who don&#x27;t know themselves are less likely to supplement their weaknesses and also less likely to exploit their strengths.
aizatto大约 7 年前
For me, knowing myself well is done by asking questions, and journaling about it.<p>I built a platform where I ask myself deep questions <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.deepthoughtapp.com&#x2F;" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.deepthoughtapp.com&#x2F;</a><p>For me, it has helped give me a better holistic view of myself. At the moment I have over 35,000+ questions, and almost 2700 topics&#x2F;keywords.<p>It is mostly me sharing at the moment, though there are some other users.
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tc7大约 7 年前
Tangential: I was so pleased to see inline links to the actual studies cited. &lt;3<p>I accept that others can evaluate us on some of these traits better than we can ourselves. Given that, how hard is it to update our mental models to better match reality? Besides doing a poll of my friends (which seems shaky), how can I self-evaluate to know more objectively where I stand on these? Is that even possible (by, e.g., studying biases, rationality, &#x27;taking every thought captive&#x27;, etc)?<p>It seems remarkably hard to try to address this in the workplace, where we feel so much pressure to be and seem competent anyway. I don&#x27;t know if I trust my coworkers enough to honestly evaluate or be evaluated by them :D.
tortoise1大约 7 年前
when they say co workers, whom do they mean? anyone in my company? some one whom i work with for 30 mins per week? some one with whom we work for 5 hours a day? some one whom i chat with through out the day as part of work?<p>&gt;&gt;They’re often more than twice as accurate.<p>which co worker is capable of being twice accurate than me in knowing about me.<p>So surprising, so magical and so flawed.<p>How do we destroy such bullshit analysis all over the internet.<p>Some where some normal person or even a smart person is going to read this and believe it to be true and is going to base this as source of his research and going to come up with a whole lot of new bullshit.<p>This concept of flawed non sense and noisy logic i think deserves its own word.<p>Any suggestions? How about SINFO ... any useful, meaningful info we can call as INFO and anything that is not useful or misleading or nonsense we can call it SINFO.<p>Because i think its a type of SIN to provide misleading information.
ender89大约 7 年前
I&#x27;m not surprised, I&#x27;m a shifty character. No way I&#x27;ve told myself everything about myself.
Bjartr大约 7 年前
I notice one thing missing from the various threads of discussion about self and what self means here: an acknowledgement that an individual&#x27;s life is unlikely to ever meaningfully cover the full scope of human experience. It&#x27;s always an attempt to stretch that individual&#x27;s experiences out so as to somehow apply with nigh universality across a population.<p>It&#x27;s seemed pretty clear to me for a while now that I can barely begin to imagine what it&#x27;s really like to be in someone else&#x27;s head, in terms of experiencing their perspective on the world. Empathy alone isn&#x27;t enough to account for formative life experiences or physiological state.
slfnflctd大约 7 年前
There are some good suggestions in this piece. Absorbing a diversity of perspectives is often valuable.<p>The thing is, most of us view ourselves at least partly as &#x27;who we aspire to be&#x27;-- we know we aren&#x27;t actually that person technically right now, but we believe or hope that we could be. As we mature, I think more often than not we try to be more realistic about it.<p>It would be difficult or impossible for many of us to make progress in our goals if we didn&#x27;t regularly see ourselves as more than we currently are. It&#x27;s important to be honest, but it&#x27;s just as important to have some optimism.
projektir大约 7 年前
Well, this is a wonky topic. Before the question is asked, it should really be clarified what is meant by the &quot;you&quot; part. A lot of the responses here seem to talk about things like how you respond to situations or a crisis. I think this mostly suffers from the fact that the current wisdom is to merge what is &quot;you&quot; and what is &quot;your body&quot;. You can control your body to some extent, but it&#x27;s like saying you&#x27;re your Toyota. You&#x27;re really not. And if something happens to your body, it may drastically limit what you can express, i.e., you can become a vegetable due to an accident. But that wasn&#x27;t of &#x2F;your&#x2F; doing, so it&#x27;s not really &quot;you&quot; (under the definition above). It&#x27;s something that happened _to_ you. Just like most of your body, truth to be told. You don&#x27;t create your infant body, or your normal body, so how can it be you? It&#x27;s not, it never was.<p>So most of the time when people talk about their &quot;true self&quot; they&#x27;re talking about &quot;my body, without too many tweaks&quot;. And I think that&#x27;s the wrong way to go about it. You should be tweaking and updating your machinery and potentially you can get pretty far doing so. But it&#x27;s still just that - machinery. It&#x27;s never going to be you. The &quot;you&quot; is not that interesting, and the idea that we&#x27;re all sorts of fundamentally different &quot;you&quot;s is problematic in itself.<p>I think it&#x27;s really the wrong question to ask, who you are. You got a machine and you can study it if you wish but it&#x27;s not exactly some stable construction and it&#x27;s not &quot;you&quot;, regardless, you&#x27;re just a meta-field it projects some stuff onto. I think the less mysticism around this are, the better, as the mysticism makes the machine seem too sacred and immutable, and as if it has its own right to exist.<p>&quot;I&#x27;m not like that, that&#x27;s not something I can do&quot; is my least favorite response ever. You are not your machine. You may decide you don&#x27;t want to do it, which is valid. But saying you can&#x27;t do it because you&#x27;re some immutable thing is not valid.<p>P.S.: I&#x27;d really like to know how they measured things like &quot;smart&quot; and what not in this study and why they&#x27;re so confident about their measurements...<p>Seriously, there&#x27;s no such thing as a reliable and unbiased &quot;smart&quot; test right now.
mlrtime大约 7 年前
&quot;Oh would some power the gift give us, To see ourselves as others see us.&quot;<p><a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;en.wikipedia.org&#x2F;wiki&#x2F;To_a_Louse" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;en.wikipedia.org&#x2F;wiki&#x2F;To_a_Louse</a>
keepper大约 7 年前
I’ve always gone by this little bit of wisdom...<p>“We see ourselves as who we want to be, others see us as who we are”
platz大约 7 年前
I&#x27;m disturbed that writing actually determines your thoughts more than thinking does.
fredch大约 7 年前
The article was fine aside from not being news. But The Atlantic&#x27;s quality has plummeted over the last couple months. A lot of lazy, narrative-driven pab. Someone upstairs must have decided quantity was the thing and screw quality.