How do we know when we’ve fallen in love? (2016)

157 点作者 rohmanhakim大约 6 年前

14 条评论

So I’ll just leave some bits here. For me the quote that started to conceptualize romantic love was “Love is that condition in which the happiness of another person is essential to your own.” from Robert Heinlein. But really that’s not the whole story. Just like we have many different kinds of non-romantic love (kids, candy, outdoors, parents, friends, motorcycles, precision instruments, algorithms) we also experience many different kinds of romantic love. We often talk about “the love of your life” and “the one” as the ultimate version of romantic love. But it’s not an escalator: <a href="https://offescalator.com/what-escalator/" rel="nofollow">https://offescalator.com/what-escalator/</a>. And if you follow this model of relationships, you quickly arrive at the concept of casual love: <a href="https://www.carsieblanton.com/blog/post/82149148832/casual-love" rel="nofollow">https://www.carsieblanton.com/blog/post/82149148832/casual-l...</a>.The idea that you can say “I love you” to a partner 2 weeks into a relationship and not place any expectations on it being actionable is very freeing. I have experienced it myself several times on both ends. It is a wonderful thing. Remember folks, you don’t have to love every partner you have. And if you love them, you don’t have to do anything about it. You can love for a week or a lifetime, you can love for a lifetime and never get serious. You can get serious but not married. The choices are yours and many options exist for all kinds different relationship types.Edit: if anyone wants to nerd out about non-monogamous/polyamorous relationships, I am happy to talk about it.

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lcall大约 6 年前

Long experience, observation and reading lead me to say that the pop-culture idea of "falling in love" is just hormones and curiosity and adventure. Real, true love is a decision to faithfully be there and serve a person through thick and thin.It is best if that decision is well-made. Related to courtship and marriage, I have put many thoughts here (based on experience, research and lots of observation): <a href="http://lukecall.net/" rel="nofollow">http://lukecall.net/</a> (under "Life Lessons").

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emit_time大约 6 年前

This really doesn't relate too much, but I've realized over time that I'm essentially in love with one of my best friends (of the opposite gender).We've been friends for 10 years, and just spending time around her makes me feel so relaxed and satisfied with life, it's a unique feeling to someone like me who hasn't been in much of a relationship so far in my life.I'm able to maintain a good friendship despite this, and I guess I just treat it as some weird thing. I'm super grateful for the friendship we have, and it's amazing that these feelings persist even though I now only see her a couple of times a year.I think part of me hoped we'd end up dating at some point, but I find that highly unlikely to work given certain circumstances. Either way, I remain grateful for what I have, and hope to find someone else that I'm able to relate to emotionally in the same way.

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harryposner大约 6 年前

> In Russian, the verb that means discover or recognize also contains the verb to know.The English very nearly does as well. The "gn" in "recognize" has the same etymological root [1] as the "kn" in "know"---and as the "зн" in "сознать" (recognize) and "знать" (know). It's not quite as obvious as in the Russian, but "acknowledge" means nearly the same thing as "recognize" and includes "know" as a substring.[1] <a href="https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Reconstruction:Proto-Indo-European/%C7%B5neh%E2%82%83-" rel="nofollow">https://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/Reconstruction:Proto-Indo-Eur...</a>

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amriksohata大约 6 年前

I never understood the concept of falling in love. I can understand falling in lust. Love is something you develop over time.

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bartimus大约 6 年前

If it's not a "Hell yes!", it's a "No".

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ArtDev大约 6 年前

Well, we can all agree that the word "love" is overloaded. With my parents and my kids.. my love is truly unconditional.No matter what they do or say, I will always love them.Unconditional love has no place in romantic love. They shouldn't even be sharing the same words.Romantic love is absurdly conditional. We need a different word. The word "lust" is also a temporary state, even with new couples.Music, romantic movies and shows like "The Bachelor", have warped our cultural ideas around relationships.However, sometimes media can explain it perfectly:"Listen Morty, I hate to break it to you, but what people calls 'love' is just a chemical reaction that compels animals to breed. It hits hard, Morty, then it slowly fades, leaving you stranded in a failing marriage. I did it. Your parents are gonna do it. Break the cycle, Morty. Rise above. Focus on science."

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shadowroot大约 6 年前

Love is not possessiveness , attachment , emotion , feeling , hormonal activity , marriage , having kids and family, dependency , self-sacrifice , romance .True love is the state of your mind in which there are zero conflicts , no violence , just a light a joy you want to share . This sharing is called Love . I have found something and i wanted to share it, this sharing is called Love. Love is your own internal condition/state . It's not at all something to do with the other person . Love is not like you got someone , it's "You found yourself" .

dctoedt大约 6 年前

The author's ex, Daniel, did the right thing by breaking up with her. He was fairly sure that he didn't see a long-term future with the author. It would have disserved both of them — and been woefully unfair to her — for him to keep seeing her just out of habit and convenience. Both of them would have been at least somewhat foreclosed from other romantic opportunities that, at least in his eyes, would have been a better fit.

jayalpha大约 6 年前

Man, you will know. Trust me. But in general:"Don't have sex man. It leads to kissing and pretty soon you have to start talking to them."Steve Martin

westurner大约 6 年前

Where is the feeling felt? Is there an associated color or a shape or a kinesiologic position?"Love styles" <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_styles" rel="nofollow">https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Love_styles</a>"Greek words for love" <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_words_for_love" rel="nofollow">https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Greek_words_for_love</a>

neom大约 6 年前

I wonder how Ayn Rand would feel about this article. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMNUdDC4tEc" rel="nofollow">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wMNUdDC4tEc</a>

LifeLiverTransp大约 6 年前

That recklessness and self destructive behaviour make for excellent scouts of opportunity (aka as stupidity and statistics), which is why its important to fall quickly for them, cause they might be gone tomorrow.

skilled大约 6 年前

Gather around friends, the wine is on me.

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