I’m in the US. My seven month old daughter was born with Spina Bifida. It didn’t show on the ultrasound, and it was a total shock to us. I can’t be sure but it seemed to correlate to a flu my wife had during the period that spina bifida “develops” (rather the spinal cord fails to develop fully).<p>The worst complication has to do with Chiari malformation, which affects her unconscious breathing. She gets upset or angry, and freezes up, turns purple, passes out, then requires CPR to be resuscitated. Most spina bifida babies do not have this complication.<p>We were told children with this condition die.<p>My wife obsessively reviewed the same papers the doctors had, and some others. She carefully googled every term she didn’t know. She discovered children prescribed clonidine had a MUCH improved prognosis. At her insistence and after some initial pushback and a very detailed email to the doctors, it was prescribed and my daughters condition improved substantially. She hasn’t had a single breath holding spell that’s required resuscitation since. It’s made us wary of the doctors recommendations. We feel like we have to be the experts, because if we’d blindly followed the doctors our daughter would likely be gone.<p>She’s so good natured and friendly, and she’s happy. She’s happy to be here and we’re happy to have her. If we knew there was no hope, or that she’d be permanently mentally disabled, I can’t honestly say that we’d have fought this hard for her.<p>It’s also taught me who my real friends are, my wife’s family has been so supportive while mine has retreated almost completely. People do NOT like being around tragedy if they can help it. They’ve given us “plenty of space”. My wife’s grandmother, who we weren’t close to before, has given us amazing outpourings of support and her time, visiting our daughter in the hospital almost every day. In the months leading up to our daughters birth grandma had seemed to be deteriorating due to dementia, but she has a new lease on life. I can’t say why this has happened, but it feels like a miracle.<p>One of the best things that happened to me during all this was a gray beard software engineer overheard me talking about my daughter. He took me aside and told me he had spina bifida, and we talked at length about it, and it was one of the nicest things anyone has ever done for me. It made me have hope when before I had none. I never would have known he had it. He’s lived a long and fulfilling life, a life I want my daughter to have.