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How I made sure all 12 of my kids could pay for college themselves

56 点作者 rohmanhakim将近 6 年前

29 条评论

BigJono将近 6 年前
&quot;We have helped them with contacts in corporations, but they have to do the interviews and “earn” the jobs.&quot;<p>What?<p>I&#x27;d bet there&#x27;s way more &quot;failures&quot; (for whatever reasonable definition) out there that would have succeeded with a few good contacts than there are &quot;failures&quot; that would have blown it given the chance.<p>There&#x27;s a lot of other red flags in this article too. The section about how kids got to make their own rules sounds good, but the two examples they gave really don&#x27;t sound like rational decisions that would be made by young children. Maybe they were subtlely encouraged to go in that direction by mum and dad, or maybe the children <i>did</i> naturally elect to go with those rules. Hopefully if they did, it was all 12 of them, because all I can think about is Paul Graham&#x27;s article on good vs bad procrastination. If only 10 wanted to go along with it, what would the other 2 have accomplished instead if they didn&#x27;t have to clean their room every single night of the first two decades of their lives? I haven&#x27;t vacuumed my room in 6 weeks and I bet I earn more than at least half of these kids, if that&#x27;s how we&#x27;re measuring success. Maybe that half should have spent less time cleaning and more time playing puzzle games or manipulating the pokemon card market at school.
sudosteph将近 6 年前
I&#x27;m both glad they found a system that worked, and very happy that I was not one of their kids. I agree with not babying your children (I was staying home alone after school by 10, and babysitting neighbors by 12), but having large amounts of unstructured time outside of school was actually incredibly positive for me overall. I was able to get a lot of introspection time in, and still got plenty of social time by engaging with the neighborhood kids in various shenanigans. Plus some people are just not cut out for sports.<p>FWIW, both me and my sister still grew up to meet this author&#x27;s definition of financial independence &amp; education &quot;success&quot;, despite being picky eaters, having divorced parents, and never learning how to camp in the wild over vacation or take solo airplane trips as children (that stuff is expensive!).
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_hardwaregeek将近 6 年前
&gt; All the kids were required to take every Advanced Placement class there was.<p>This was probably a different time and place, but that&#x27;d be physically impossible at my school, not to mention seriously stressful and probably useless in the end.<p>&gt; If children would come home and say that a teacher hated them or was not fair, our response was that you need to find a way to get along.<p>I hope this is simply a simplification or exaggeration, as it makes me a little sad. Complaining isn&#x27;t just demanding rectification, but also a request to be heard and understood. If a kid complains and is immediately told to deal with it because that&#x27;s how the world works, that&#x27;s gonna provide a not great lesson on their problems being heard.<p>&gt; Remember, for 15 years, she was either pregnant or just had a baby.<p>I&#x27;m in no place to judge how many kids one should have. But damn, that&#x27;s intense.<p>There&#x27;s this interesting contrast (I hesitate to use the world hypocrisy) between the emphasis on self actualization and responsibility and the strict rules. Like if you&#x27;re raising a kid to be intellectually driven and curious, why not let them choose the AP courses? Or why force them to study for 2 hours every day if you&#x27;re giving the whole &quot;make mistakes and learn from it&quot; spiel? How about they fail a test or two and then learn to study?<p>This ethos of gung-ho strict parenting isn&#x27;t necessarily bad, but I want to ask these parents: &quot;what if it didn&#x27;t turn out alright?&quot; What if one of the kids got addicted to drugs? What if they became depressed? Would they have stayed the course? Sure, it didn&#x27;t happen, but I don&#x27;t think that&#x27;s because the parents made sure kids played sports and forced them to change their own oil. And I don&#x27;t think that families where shit did happen were necessarily doing something wrong. While one can certainly credit the parents for their children&#x27;s outcomes, there&#x27;s an undeniable amount of luck involved.
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woodruffw将近 6 年前
I don&#x27;t doubt that these parents have the best of intentions (and I&#x27;m glad it worked out for them and their children), but I wonder about the propriety of encouraging it in general: AFAIK, the strongest indicators of adulthood success are general familial stability and social class, not militaristic parenting or forcing your kids to eat their brussels sprout.<p>Similarly: the value of knowing that you have a place to call home should you fail in college is incalculable, even if your parents aren&#x27;t paying your tuition directly. I know that feeling of safety helped me during times of stress, and that the absence of such certainty exacerbated similar feelings in less some of my friends.
quickthrower2将近 6 年前
I like the idea, but man that is some serious military parenting.
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sleepyandlazy将近 6 年前
It’s not clear to me based on the article how the 12 kids paid for college themselves in this situation. Did the parents co-sign the loans for student debt? Did the government offer financial aid? Were the kids forced to work full time on their own until they could pay for tuition?
vezycash将近 6 年前
The last two paragraphs are the most important.<p>&gt;We loved the children regardless of what they did. But would not prevent consequences of any of their actions. We let them suffer consequences and would not try to mitigate the consequences because we saw them suffering. We would cry and be sad, but would not do anything to reduce the consequences of their actions.<p>&gt;We were and are not our kids’ best friends. We were their parents.
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mixmastamyk将近 6 年前
Love it. I wanted to do a similar thing with the food for our kid, but the wife wouldn&#x27;t support it. And that, as they say, was that.
faitswulff将近 6 年前
&gt; When the kids turned 16, we bought each a car.<p>Seems like the key, as usual, is to be rich and come from a rich family.
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mrb将近 6 年前
«<i>a 1965 Mustang fastback [...] no car had less than 450 horsepower</i>»<p>That mustang had 200-289 horsepower. I find it hard to believe a teenager rebuilt it to 450hp.
petepete将近 6 年前
College must&#x27;ve been an escape for them.
cm2012将近 6 年前
I&#x27;m pretty sure twin research shows that unless you abuse your kids, your parenting decisions (besides your income) have little effect on their general life outcomes.
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hbogert将近 6 年前
I liked most of their rules. I can only hope my spouse will go along with it, when I introduce the same rules.
tomjoht将近 6 年前
Nice article, but I missed how the title of the article is supported by the body of the article. How exactly did you cover tuition for 12 kids, actually paying for college? There&#x27;s an implicit assumption that you taught them hard work and good study habits so they figured out how to pay for tuition themselves, but you never address that head on. Today tuition costs are around $30k per student per year, so did they all magically get scholarships, or did they work while going to school? If you could address the college costs part, not necessarily the regiment you put them through, that would be nice. Otherwise, maybe change the article&#x27;s title.
diminoten将近 6 年前
You know, I think about how I might go about doing anything remotely like this, and I realize the biggest challenge would to get my wife on <i>exactly</i> the same page as me. We&#x27;re not aligned at this level on anything!<p>It makes me think this was the product of a solo mind, one individual decided to be this rigid, and the other individual went along with it. I can&#x27;t see any other way this could possibly happen&#x2F;work.
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haipothetical将近 6 年前
The real question isn’t how he managed to have them pay for their own college but why the fuck did he have 12 kids in the first place
cm2012将近 6 年前
Fine parenting, so long as you don&#x27;t impose your methodology on anyone else.
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sleepyandlazy将近 6 年前
With the increasing in income inequality, I don’t think a story like this will have a happy ending in the future. Those kids who will access to financial support, such as a paid for college education and time to focus on studies rather than chores will have an edge over those who don’t. Sure, many of those kids will be spoiled and not learn the value of hard work and flame out, but enough of them will be able to utilize that advantage that people in this situation will not be able to compete for the limited number of middle class jobs available.
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uptownfunk将近 6 年前
Incredible, how do the parents maintain any semblance of sanity with 12 kids in this day and age. I’m overwhelmed with the thought of having baby2.
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kayoone将近 6 年前
I admit this is snarky and not entirely plausible, but you could also move to a place where good education is free, as it should be.
haipothetical将近 6 年前
The real question isn’t how he got his kids to pay for college themselves but why did he have 12 kids in the first place.
xvector将近 6 年前
I personally find this kind of parenting horrifying. Three year olds cleaning toilets? What the actual fuck?
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nitwit005将近 6 年前
I gather there was substantial unmentioned help from relatives. Otherwise I have to wonder how it&#x27;s possible to have so many kids in a sport, club, and volunteering, given that one of them would have had to stay home with infants.
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hbcondo714将近 6 年前
This was written in 2014 but still relevant today; maybe add an iPad in there
novok将近 6 年前
It&#x27;s too bad this 2hr post was booted off the front page by some people flagging it, but not flagging it enough to get the &#x27;flagged&#x27; tag.
johnchristopher将近 6 年前
&gt; To this day, our kids are not afraid to try different foods, and have no allergies to foods.<p>Hmmm. That weakens the story.
gmoore将近 6 年前
Yeah.. that sounds positively horrible...
RickJWagner将近 6 年前
That&#x27;s awesome. What a great family.<p>I especially enjoyed the part about the car being towed in. Fantastic!
ykevinator将近 6 年前
Poor kids