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Unless You’re Oprah, ‘Be Yourself’ Is Terrible Advice

50 点作者 rohmanhakim将近 6 年前

10 条评论

corodra将近 6 年前
This is truly an amazing piece of junk speculation from a supposed psych prof.<p>I find it interesting how the current culture is confusing social norms and personal acceptance when they want to then say &quot;be a special snowflake&quot;. Not everyone will like you and that&#x27;s okay. No one has to like you, except for you. You should like yourself. Generally speaking. Same goes with not liking everyone else. No one will like everyone. Again, nothing wrong with that. That happens when you foster self worth. Social cues are then far easier to manage when you learn that you can pick and choose who you can like and appreciate. It&#x27;s easier to ignore assholes and enjoy the time with good people.<p>Monitoring social cues and being yourself are two different things. Being yourself means that you don&#x27;t agree with everyone around you always to appease them. Social cues, or the self monitoring as they like to say is knowing when to say &quot;I don&#x27;t agree because xyz&quot; or &quot;you&#x27;re a dumbass&quot;.<p>Damn it I feel like I&#x27;m taking crazy pills here. Did tech really make society this stupid this fast?
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post_below将近 6 年前
&quot;Bullshit is what makes society work&quot;.<p>It&#x27;s not a new idea.<p>Eventually it leads to where we are now: Living in a (hopefully temporarily) post fact society, where loud enough lies function as truth, where politicians have long since given up on the idea of genuinely believing anything they say, where corporate leaders own governments and chuckle at the idea of caring about the general wellbeing of mankind.<p>And where all the bullshit has lead to lots of tiny decisions based on misinformed priorities, cumulatively resulting in the largest mass extinction event in 100&#x27;s of millions of years and a genuine existential threat to the human race.<p>I think authenticity is a very practical cultural goal. Misused and misunderstood sometimes maybe, but much needed.
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jorgesborges将近 6 年前
Be yourself is terrible advice if you read it as an excuse to thoughtlessly act on every impulse. That&#x27;s not what being authentic means. It&#x27;s unfortunate that the author fails to provide even a loose definition. High self-monitors aren&#x27;t necessarily being inauthentic, and low self-monitors aren&#x27;t necessarily being authentic. They simply have different strategies and preferences for navigating the social landscape.<p>Being yourself in this context is to me more about having a certain resilience to social responses -- being confident and without remorse with your words and actions, because they&#x27;re grounded in your beliefs, attitudes, and behaviour. Just because you&#x27;re being authentic doesn&#x27;t mean everybody will like what you&#x27;re saying or doing. But if you&#x27;re authentic you can take it or leave it and keep going.
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Waterluvian将近 6 年前
There&#x27;s no such thing as &quot;authentic&quot; and there&#x27;s certainly no such thing as an &quot;authentic self&quot;. If you&#x27;re the kind of person who <i>hates</i> going to the bar, but goes because you like having friends, and to survive it you go into comedian mode, that&#x27;s a part of who you are.
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copperx将近 6 年前
&quot;Be yourself&quot; is the best advice I&#x27;ve ever received. But it took me nearly 20 years after I heard it to figure out who I really was.
Trowter将近 6 年前
Opinion pieces like this always strike me as more about their individual definition of the phrase.<p>To me &quot;Be Yourself&quot; doesn&#x27;t meant to blurt out everything in your head it means don&#x27;t try to be something you&#x27;re not.<p>In my experience people can subconsciously pick up on authenticity and if you&#x27;re trying to be something you&#x27;re not you&#x27;re just going to fall flat on your face.<p>To put it simply to be yourself is to always strive for genuine connections and goals which truly interest and excite you, in work, love or whatever
m463将近 6 年前
I am reminded of Lily Tomlin who said:<p>&quot;I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.&quot;
shtolcers将近 6 年前
To &quot;be yourself&quot; is not the same as &quot;be blunt and ignore any basic social norms&quot;. Unless your true self has no tact, no social interaction skills and only thing it truly wants is to lay with all the women in line of sight. It is not a call to degrade ones all being to instinct&#x2F;raw emotion level behaviour. Shape yourself as an individual by thinking, analyzing and making own decisions rather than copying everything that seems(!) popular, cool, intelectual.
lidHanteyk将近 6 年前
Since nobody else has said it: Oprah isn&#x27;t herself either. Her backstory is quite amazing, but I would not characterize it as a story of being herself and forcing the world to adapt to her desires; I would characterize her as hard-working, willing to experiment and grow, and making the most of opportunities. The only thing that &quot;be yourself&quot; might have to do with Oprah is her name.<p>This article might be junk.
ojosilva将近 6 年前
In case you didn&#x27;t click through, the brutal experiment in honesty mentioned by the OP is really worth a read.<p><a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.esquire.com&#x2F;news-politics&#x2F;a26792&#x2F;honesty0707&#x2F;" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.esquire.com&#x2F;news-politics&#x2F;a26792&#x2F;honesty0707&#x2F;</a>