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Dating: A Research Journal, Part 1 (2016)

108 点作者 monort将近 6 年前

12 条评论

strenholme将近 6 年前
The secret to successful dating is the same as real estate: Location, location, location. I had much better luck dating in central Mexico (where a gringo who has had a successful career stands out) than in Silicon Valley.<p>Even with a favorable location, the online dating market favors women. When I was in Mexico, it took about 200-300 matches, which became 40-60 active online chats, which became 12-18 in-person dates, to find the woman who became my wife. So about a 6% match to date ratio.<p>As pointed out in the comments to the linked article, this guy did well because he was in New York, which favors men. Technology hot spots (Silicon Valley, Seattle, etc.) tend to favor women. Places that favor Caucasian men include Latin America (Peru being a really good place; Columbia and Mexico also are favorable), Thailand, the Philippines, Eastern Europe, the Dominican Republic, and large parts of Africa. In the US, the deep South (Alabama, Georgia, etc.) are somewhat better for successful men.<p>With places where the ratios favor the women, it takes about 100 messages to get a date (and a lot of you’re too short&#x2F;too old&#x2F;etc. canned rejections); to date requires I just send the same spam message over and over (“let’s meet for coffee!”) until someone says yes. The hit ratio is just too low for me to get dating success with anything besides spamming.
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starpilot将近 6 年前
&gt; To these I will add a crucial tip: make it obviously apparent that you aren’t copy-pasting. In Dataclysm, Christian Rudder finds that a huge number of messages on OkCupid are mass copy-pasted spam (he figured this by analyzing keystrokes: if it took you two keys to write 50 words, those keys were Ctrl+V). These spammers aren’t only gems like ‘u R hot want 2 cum ovR’, but also generic missives like ‘Hi, I read your profile and I find you very interesting. I think we should get to know each other.’ Since mass-spamming is so quick and easy, it only takes a few spammers to fill every girl’s inbox. Experienced users sniff these out quickly. I strongly urge against being a spammer yourself: most of your time should be spent searching for the best potential matches. Once you find a great potential partner you should take the time to write them the best message you can come up with.<p>Rudder also talks about why message spamming isn&#x27;t banned, though it is trivial to detect: <i>they often led to successful exchanges</i>. The rest of the article is in this vein; favoring the most politically correct, and gracious to women, interpretations of the data, and not the most rational.
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lkjhdcba将近 6 年前
I can&#x27;t be the only one thinking that treating dating as some kind of MMORPG you have to grind through is somewhat, I don&#x27;t know, creepy? And the comments aren&#x27;t exactly reassuring. It&#x27;s all about response rate, market value, percentiles, figures, and so on. Skimming through this thread you could think people are talking about the stock market and not actual human beings.
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tlringer将近 6 年前
One thing that I think these posts always ignore is that, for a lot of us, the ambiguity over whether or not it is a date is an essential piece of the puzzle. So going in knowing it&#x27;s a date takes away all of the magic necessary to fall for someone else. I always meet someone as soon as I give up on online dating.<p>If I were single again, I think I would like an app that deliberately makes it ambiguous whether someone likes you or just wants to hang out with you. You&#x27;d have to figure that out yourselves. So you&#x27;d choose people you genuinely enjoyed spending time with, which would increase your potential dating pool, but you wouldn&#x27;t go into it without the magic of ambiguity.<p>Data is always cool though.
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nnd将近 6 年前
&gt; Even if you’re not a wizard with words, dating sites also offer an absolute advantage: the sheer number of users. How can you find love that’s one in a million by hanging out at a bar that welcomes at most five new faces every night? Do “friends of friends” introduce you to 20 potential dates a day?<p>This assumption strikes me as a fallacy. I never understood why even bother with online dating where odds are severely skewed for guys, when it&#x27;s so much easier to find dates through your social circle, aka simply doing what you love and organically surrounding yourself with interesting women.
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tony将近 6 年前
That&#x27;ll be the day when we get accurate measurements from things where pride and ego is on the line and the sunk cost is glacial.<p>&quot;I spent a chunk of my life trying to be successful in an overdone, woefully lopsided, race-to-the-bottom social creation. I wasn&#x27;t even mildly successful in the attempt. Nobody acknowledges my effort&#x2F;sincerity&#x2F;investment, in fact I learned it&#x27;s exchangeable for nothing. Trying to follow the dream, I compromised my dignity and integrity in bid to succeed. I feel I failed at a fundamental goal &#x27;everyone&#x27; is expected to do to &#x27;make it&#x27;&quot; (fear of missing out)<p>&quot;Jim spent years of his attending college, moving and settling in an apartment hours away from home. While he attended courses for 3 years, he didn&#x27;t complete enough credits to finish the degree. He&#x27;s still paying off his loans. When job searching, it took weeks to even get a lukewarm response for his resume. In desperation, Jim drastically lowered his standards, not telling anyone, redoing his resume to adapt to different positions even when they offered little long term growth, in hopes of getting any feedback. On some resumes, he even lied about his qualifications. One time Jim even drove 5 hours to meetup for coffee that turned out to be a MLM recruiter&quot; (failure at career)<p>&quot;Jacob burned thousands of hours on dating apps. Most thwarted his bid for physical proximity, let alone emotional support, security, and reliability expected in a partner. He was routinely spurned by individuals he thought unremarkable, which he&#x27;d never consider or even notice in real life. Trying to make himself more appealing, he lied about his height and income. On some occasions, Jacob spent months chatting with a connection, investing enormous amounts of time in hopes of meeting them, only for them to ghost him. On the rare occasion he finally met someone in person, they looked much different than their pic. One time, a date revealed being courted by many others over years and still using the app actively.&quot; (failure at love)<p>Work and love is a life and death thing. The day people candidly report they sunk time&#x2F;effort and they were hurt&#x2F;humiliated attempting to conform to &quot;normal&quot; social escapades, pigs will fly.<p>That said, I know many people who were successful at online dating, and of course college (with varying extents of completion). Of those, I think their positive outcome is in spite of the avenue&#x2F;venue picked. They were uniformly great communicators&#x2F;empaths&#x2F;confident and very motivated.
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notyourday将近 6 年前
This article is completely inapplicable since all the dating services that have network effect have moved to a mutual match: one does not get to offer a non-visual ( typically first image ) USP before there&#x27;s a clear indicator of interest.
weq将近 6 年前
Stand out and be weird. This is the best advice. You want to filter out the cruft and you wont do well at pretending otherwise.<p>I used the same profile on each dating website, play the field, dont just limit yourself. You never know what will happen.
lcall将近 6 年前
I appreciate some of the comments about being thoughtful, systematic. After a 24-year marriage followed by divorce, I spent a great deal of time analyzing what lessons I needed to learn (plenty), and after my remarriage (I am very grateful!), I posted this (the dating link is the ~ 4th bullet), which includes a document I wrote about the process, and a lot of other info I have collected since. It is influenced heavily by my beliefs (obviously), and represents a lot of work, and desire for others to be happy. I think it is a very simple site with much info.<p>I think real, true love is a decision to faithfully be there and serve a person through thick and thin, and then sticking with it. It is best if that decision is well-made. There are many thoughts here (based on experience, research and lots of observation). Comments welcome (but I probably won&#x27;t make the site very pretty anyway :) .<p><a href="http:&#x2F;&#x2F;lukecall.net&#x2F;e-9223372036854592298.html" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;lukecall.net&#x2F;e-9223372036854592298.html</a><p>(It also includes (buried in there somewhere) a reference to a relative&#x27;s ~$4 ebook on free or very inexpensive dating ideas (and why dating a variety of people matters--she married #72 and they seem <i>very</i> happy several years later), but maybe I should add (on request..) a link to her blog entry where she posted 100 ideas....)
makz将近 6 年前
When I did dating I hated it. It was painful and stressful.<p>It took me like three years of active going through it to find my wife, who by the way is wonderful.<p>I hope I will never have to do it again.<p>Looking at it in retrospective, I think maybe I did it wrong, because it’s supposed to be enjoyable, I think. But I was clueless back then. Who knows.
justlikehoney超过 5 年前
Holy shit was this article all over the place. Some interesting theories, but it&#x27;s pretty clear from reading this what the author&#x27;s issue was--he&#x27;s way too analytical and left-brained, especially for women in NYC. Glad it worked out for him, but he&#x27;d have been better off dating in the Bay Area.
Jun8将近 6 年前
Man, beef up this content marginally and it would be a great script for Netflix series pilot: Sex in the City for the thinking man! I, for one, would watch that. Or you can take 1-2 people (men and women) each episode, beef up their profiles and we follow them to their dates.
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