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Americans are more worried about their sons than their daughters

139 点作者 johntfella超过 4 年前

19 条评论

FreshFries超过 4 年前
Father of 4 here: I am too.<p>For me the difficulty for a boy starts at school where today (and rightly so) boyish behaviour (fighting, being rough etc.) is not tolerated and dealt with in rather feminin ways (not so rightly). Schools lacking male teachers does not help either.<p>This trend is visible all over society as well. Where I grew up with semi regular bar fights, today every physical alteration involves the police.<p>Not saying &quot;the old days where better&quot; at all. Just that society has changed to honour the feminine treats much more then the male treats, so I too worry more about the success of my son then about the success of my three daughters (who are in effect, socially &amp; financially significantly better off, although slightly younger).
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pubby超过 4 年前
My observation is that in the adult business world, masculine traits can be advantageous. But before that, in schooling and such, masculine traits have few benefits outside of sports, and are frequently discouraged and suppressed. This causes dissonance, where men are being raised to be gentle, only to reach adulthood and realize that male privilege as advertised does not benefit them.<p>Women, especially attractive women, seem to receive more support, attention, and sympathy than men. In general, they have less pressure to succeed, and more options to fall back on. I suspect this leads to an easier transition from teenager to adult, though this advantage fades as they age, and they deal with unfair disadvantages otherwise.<p>As an aside, I&#x27;ll mention that in recent years the internet has greatly magnified the amount of attention young women receive. Few talk about it, but they should, for it&#x27;s the biggest change to gender differences in years.
zapdrive超过 4 年前
Rightfully so. The gynocentric society that we live in provides much more opportunities and privileges to young girls as compared to young boys. Eg:<p>- There is a wage gap in favor of women for people younger than 30, that absolutely no one talks about.<p>- Young men are more likely to be victims of false accusations, because women are never reprimanded for falsely accusing anyone.<p>- Men get longer sentences for similar crimes as compared to women.<p>- Young men who want to start families are in tough luck because more and more women do not want to bear children until early to late thirties.
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milchek超过 4 年前
Not an American, but I do agree and am seeing a perhaps a &#x27;knee jerk&#x27; reaction in society where we&#x27;ve neglected girls for so long that now the pendulum has swung the other way very quickly.<p>Think of all the initiatives to get girls into STEM, to give them positive role models, to enrich their lives, to give them more heros and icons in media (consider every hero in recent CGI and cartoon films).<p>We, humans, do this a lot. We see something wrong, and we overcorrect. So, what happens then is that boys start to get left behind again. I think we&#x27;re going to need to correct the correction in some way down the road to ensure we really have balance and equality.<p>I have a daughter and son, I&#x27;d love for them to grow up in a world where they have equal opportunity to live lives that are meaningful to them.
notJim超过 4 年前
What&#x27;s striking in this thread is the equation of masculine toughness with unhealthy things like getting in bar fights and doing drugs. Reading the report, men think their sons are less tough than their daughters.<p>Putting these two together suggests that the way we define toughness for men in anti-social ways may be the problem. Perhaps we need to differentiate between healthy and unhealthy ways of building toughness, and seek healthy ways for men&#x2F;boys to build toughness. As one example, I (a man) have never been in a fight, but I have found that challenging myself physically, and going camping have built toughness for me. Neither of those things required me to hurt myself or other people. There is something deeply toxic to me about a definition of toughness that requires men to hurt others, or to hurt themselves.
0xy超过 4 年前
More females go to the university these days, and according to OECD reports girls received higher marks than boys for identical work (the deck is stacked against boys from the outset). [1] Then they&#x27;re more likely to go to jail and more likely to get a higher sentence for an identical crime.<p>[1] <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.bbc.com&#x2F;news&#x2F;education-31751672" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.bbc.com&#x2F;news&#x2F;education-31751672</a>
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JacobSuperslav超过 4 年前
i was just about to have another kid recently. to be honest, my thoughts were: please let it be a girl. like some other people mentioned - i also grew up around bar fights, drugs, football fans, etc.<p>as a parent, i can only influence the kid to a certain degree. i believe most of the work is done by the environment, school, society. i just feel there&#x27;s a higher chance for a boy to become an aggressive&#x2F;pathological individual and hurt other people, because girls are not exposed to as much bullshit and toxicity.
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octokatt超过 4 年前
I forgot how much I hate the comments section of any mention of gender on Hacker News.
ralusek超过 4 年前
It&#x27;s interesting that left leaning people are worried less about boys in general, but when it comes to their own sons, are more worried about boys. I suspect that this has something to do with gender politics, which most prominently falls within the sphere of the left wing, predominantly focusing on issues affecting women. It makes sense that if you&#x27;re tuned into spheres primarily amplifying issues impacting women, and not men, that you would assume that your own son&#x27;s issues aren&#x27;t necessarily representative of the population at large.<p>Over 60% of college graduates are women, and up until the age that many women choose to have a family (early 30s), women actually out-earn men. There&#x27;s nothing wrong with either of those things, but certain models in our collective understanding of society need to be more cognizant of these facts, among others. People that speak about the problems with the way we conceptualize gender issues, people like Warren Farrell, Karen Straughan, Janice Fiamengo, and Christina Hoff-Sommers, actually face an embarrassing amount of vitriol from institutions, when invited to speak on these topics.
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adaml_623超过 4 年前
I worry about any survey that excludes results: &quot;We do not show results for respondents who describe themselves as “moderate” or “not sure.”<p>Is there any chance that this brookings institute has an agenda to push the idea of the liberal vs conservative totally polarised society?
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taylodl超过 4 年前
I have two daughters and a son aged 18-24. My son is 24 and is working on his Ph.D. in computer science, so he&#x27;s doing alright. But my wife and I worried about him the most while he was growing up.<p>For starters, an alarmingly high number of his friends and classmates were diagnosed with ADHD and so were drugged. Boys need more physical engagement - especially when they&#x27;re younger. Yet schools are reducing time for recess.<p>I taught my kids to take care of their own business and not tattle so long as: nobody was seriously hurt (no blood), no one was in immediate danger, and property wasn&#x27;t being destroyed. Those aren&#x27;t the rules they use at school. Kids continually tell on one another to try to get each other in trouble. Boys tend to be more &quot;ornery&quot; and so tend to get in trouble a lot. This creates an atmosphere where boys are viewed as being &quot;just bad.&quot; Sadly, boys learn that girls are &quot;sneaky.&quot; That has its own issues but that&#x27;s for another post.<p>Bullies are another matter. I was raised to not start fights but finish them. I raised my son the same way. That&#x27;s not AT ALL how schools work. They do nothing about bullies. Their &quot;no tolerance&quot; policies for bullies are laughable because they don&#x27;t do anything about bullies. Teachers have told me their hands are tied. They know who the bullies are, but now there&#x27;s such a stigma with being branded a &quot;bully&quot; the administrators won&#x27;t let them do anything about it. Eventually the bully will get their just reward and their parents will raise holy hell with the school and the tables get reversed: the bully is the victim. It&#x27;s disgusting. I&#x27;ve seen that happen time and time and time again. I did see a teacher once stand up to the bully&#x27;s parents and the school administrators and inform them the bully was, in fact, a bully and learned an important lesson in life. Thank goodness she had a paper trail tracking parents&#x27; complaints and had the backing of all the other parents.<p>As part of all this is parents today won&#x27;t accept that their children aren&#x27;t perfect little angels. I knew my kids weren&#x27;t perfect - they&#x27;re kids. Their teachers appreciated that they could work with my wife and I if they were having issues. They lamented that so many parents simply wouldn&#x27;t accept that their children weren&#x27;t perfect and refused to work with teachers to rectify a situation.<p>Finally, when my son went to college he had to contend with all the so-called Social Justice Warriors blaming all men, especially white men, for all the world&#x27;s ills. Never mind that my son and his friends had nothing to do with making the world what it is - just like the SJWs. The sad irony is in their eagerness to blame these young men for all the world&#x27;s problems they were undermining what I was teaching him about how we came to be in the mess we&#x27;re in and what steps we can take to get out. I was trying to raise my son to be a good man and the SJWs were making it clear that their world view didn&#x27;t include the concept of a &quot;good man.&quot;I could go on and on and on regarding this issue, but that would be for another post.<p>My daughters? They never had any of these problems. None.<p>Obviously things turned out okay and grad school has been completely different for my son than undergraduate school but - the whole point is my wife and I worried about him a lot more than we ever worried about our daughters.<p>The good news? Yes, you&#x27;re going to worry more about your sons. That&#x27;s just a fact of the times in which we&#x27;re living. Raising kids has never been easy and raising sons has become harder. My advice is to persevere and raise them to be a good man: a man who respects all people regardless of sex, race, religion, or sexual orientation; a man who knows it takes many different perspectives to solve today&#x27;s problems. It&#x27;s not easy and it never has been - but the rewards are worth it!
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ponker超过 4 年前
Why is this surprising? Sons are more likely than daughters to die a violent death, commit suicide, die young from injury, go to prison, or become homeless.
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known超过 4 年前
&quot;You don&#x27;t have to be famous; You just have to make your parents proud of you&quot; --Meryl Streep
notaspecialist超过 4 年前
26 pages of comments and all of you don&#x27;t get it. You don&#x27;t get the point of it now, the why and only two of you actually see a part of the coming storm.
damnencryption超过 4 年前
Here&#x27;s a theory to explain this.<p>Older couples birth more daughters so as a result of their maturity and life experiences, they are less worried.<p>For couples with both daughters and sons, it might be due to biological differences in progress in maturity and resilience in kids. Girls are more mature at age 10-11 than boys and the trends remain the same till early adulthood.
LatteLazy超过 4 年前
Go look at outcomes and you can see why.
watwut超过 4 年前
Tl;dr; the research was about whether people are worried about boys&#x2F;girls in the United States becoming successful adults.<p>This might to do with parents seeing their own sons as less resilient then their own daughters - which is another finding in the article.
getlawgdon超过 4 年前
Come on. From Brookings, a think tank known weill for its conservative ideology. This concept (&quot;fear for boys<i>) is also framed as </i>fear for white boys&quot; by other conservatives, and both are exponents of a core radical conservative bogeyman: &quot;the growing extinction of the white man.&quot;
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op03超过 4 年前
I really worry about my cat. Not that I need him to be a successful cat or anything. There are so many issues these days and I just don&#x27;t want him to suffer or struggle too much.
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