There is a lot going on here but I'll comment on just one facet: the seemingly inexhaustible supply of trust that current(prospective) employees have for their employer(possible future employer).<p>One should <i>never</i> rely on a statement from an employer that isn't in writing. Furthermore, even if it is in writing, if it says "discretionary bonus," you should consider that a big fat ZERO. If it says "possible," "maybe," "if," etc. you should consider it to never happen (if it's for your benefit, otherwise, assume it definitely will happen).<p>Only after the above can you reasonably compare offers between prospective employers or value your current job.<p>HR is trained to hire you at the lowest price and say the most that they can without making fraudulent claims.<p>Additionally, if you are a current employee, and you EVER speak to HR, walk in with a pen and notepad and take long long notes and do not hesitate to ask someone to pause while you document. Treat it as a legal deposition. They are not your friends, they are trained to extract or give statements that protect the firm (not you).<p>It's unfortunately a pretty stark reality but it's business. It's even worse if the people involved are your friends - because it will hurt more if you aren't protected or have the wrong expectation. There's a reason that the expression, "never go into business with your family," is a thing.