I mean most people here otherwise so analytical about almost everything here. Writing code that covers negative cases, edge cases, failure, rare event etc. Why don't then they secure themselves in marriage? It seems counter-intuitive.
Yeah I know "Love is transcends all dimensions ..blah blah". I get it but still hard to understand considering, at least in west marriage fails more often than not and people still don't protect themselves using prenup.
A lot of it depends. The benefits of a prenup can be marginal depending on the laws of the state <i>if</i> both parties have similar assets and income. Of course there seems to be gender bias in the courts, and even abuse of process (restraining orders based on fictions to gain control of the house, etc).<p>Some states are fillial responsibility states. I wanted a prenup to protect our assets during the marriage, so that the state wouldn't be able to come after stuff in my name to support her deadbeat dad. We're protected in a different way because his prior actions was considered abandonment. If we had any "real" money (wife's mother was very dismissive about the amount I saved up), then i guess I could still set up a trust.<p>I still think a prenup would have been good. Why not decide on what is fair and reasonable when on good terms and you're not clouded by hate or resentment? It would save <i>massively</i> on legal fees. My wife didn't want one. She never gave a reason, but it's safe to assume that the conditions under the court eiild be more favorable than a prenup that excludes alimony. Her mother made some huge deal about me "not knowing what I'm doing", even though she has a prenup and couldn't give any explanation of why it's a bad idea. So overall, it feels like I was taken advantage of and they basically bullied me (repeated unsupported emotional attacks) into not getting one.<p>Frankly, I don't see much reason to get married in today's world. Sure, there are some minor or fringe benefits when dealing with taxes and stuff, but most companies are recognizing domestic partners for benefits even without official domestic partner certificates. Marriage is just a piece of paper from the government and shouldn't be neccessary to validate one's relationship.
I don't understand anyone's argument against a prenup. common argument:<p>> If you want a prenup you shouldn't get married.<p>That's as nonsensical as saying if you want to wear a seat belt you shouldn't get in a car. Some of us would like to drive a car <i>and</i> avoid unnecessary injury. They are not mutually exclusive.<p>There are already rules about what happens during divorce. If a partner does not a want a prenup it does not mean they don't want rules. They merely want the "default" rules of divorce. Likely because those rules favor them at great expense to their partner. Alimony, gaining assets they did not contribute to obtaining, etc.<p>The current laws around divorce are medieval in cruelty and are modern day indentured servitude. With suicide being the only escape. If your partner prefers these laws, they are either ignorant, or do not truly care for you.
> marriage fails more often than not<p>That's only true if you include all marriages. People who have been divorced tend to get divorced again if they get married.<p>First marriages are more likely not to get divorced.<p>And to answer the question, I didn't sign a prenup because I went through a period where I dated a bit and my wife was much better than everyone else I had dated. We'll be celebrating our 10th anniversary in a few months.
When I got married, we had no pre-marital property to speak of, and were still early in our careers. Spending money on lawyers to hash out a plan for how to split up unknowable things doesn't seem like it would have been a good investment.<p>The default rules seem reasonable enough that trying to do better for both parties without knowing specifics seems unreasonable. Comingling finances is a useful reduction of the total burden of financial management, and wouldn't be possible if you were trying to keep separate accounts.<p>In this instance, I was the breadwinner, and I would have no problem with an equal split of marital assets, plus or minus making adjustments to keep things easy: no sense giving each person half of three cars, can sell one and give one of the remaining to each spouse, the house might be challenging to split, but we're both reasonable and could figure something out that's more beneficial to both parties than a legal battle.
Married 10 years here. I've said in an anniversary speech that you should marry someone who you'd bring to a zombie apocalypse. Not just someone who can fight or fix cars... you know, worldly stuff. But someone who's not going to abandon you when things get rough. And someone who you'd risk your life and the lives of your team to rescue.<p>I think whenever someone says that it defeats the purpose of marriage, what they mean is you probably shouldn't marry someone who doesn't bring you forward and someone you wouldn't want to give more than half your stuff to.
Most of the time what is in a prenup should be part of your state law anyway. Write your congressman (state not national) and get reasonable laws in place. Most people shouldn't need one.
Divorce rates peaked in the 80s, and have been declining for decades. It is still not a good statistic, but we're getting better, and more than 50% of marriages last. Part of the reason they are lasting is that being in a non-married relationship is gaining more acceptance, so there is not such a drive towards marriage. I'd say that at this point, if you feel that you need protection from your spouse, you simply should not be getting married in the first place.
Think about how to do the risk calculation and figure out if it’s right for you.<p>Roughly what’s your expected worth times the subjective probability you’ll get a divorce. Also should probably include a scale factor or term to account for the up front legal fees and the later fees.<p>Now if not having a prenup come out as a risk adjusted loss say… -150k, then ask yourself if you’re willing and it’s reasonable to give your partner a gift of that size right now.
Half of first-time marriages fail, so it's not more often than not. People also don't sign prenups because they expect that their marriage will last for the rest of their or their spouse's lives. Marriage is not supposed to be a short-lived of frivilous thing.
If you don't have trust in a relationship you don't have anything.<p>In my case we were both broke when we got married anyway so nothing to prenup about.