Don't Burn Bridges: A Guide to Networking in Silicon Valley

Excellent points.<p>On a related note, I just read a good article on using small barriers to entry as filters for your time: <a href="http://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/blog/i-use-small-barriers-to-avoid-kooks/" rel="nofollow">http://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/blog/i-use-small-barrie...</a><p>Most of the folks that ask me for help aren't 'kooks' perse, but they usually want someone to make their dreams come true with little or no effort on their part.<p>Asking these people to do a small task as a precondition of your help is a great way to filter out those not really serious about the goal.<p>Here's how it typically goes:<p>"Hey Matt! I hear you do iPad apps! I have a great idea for one! I'm super passionate about this and really want to get it going!"<p>Me: "Great! Before we go any further, it's best to sketch the app out on paper first. Do that and then let's take a serious look at it!"<p>I've had many many conversations like this. Even requiring a simple sketch filters out about 98% of these people.<p>Another common variation is from folks who want to learn programming. Instead of asking for a sketch, I'll send them a link to an excellent beginners tutorial to work through. I very rarely hear back from anyone after that. However, those very few that do come back are typically great to work with.<p>I haven't always used these filters. I used to really try and help everyone that asked for it. Unfortunately that nearly always ended up with me putting in time and effort to help someone who I would later discover wasn't really all that serious about the goal.<p>Small barriers/filters have been great for saving my energy for those that are really serious about doing something. It's really been a sanity saver.

One of those things I learned early on is that a person's nature is not always under their conscious control and something I learned much later is to remind myself that people evolve based on their experiences.<p>The second bit is where you have to be careful because it will trip you up. I've known folks who came out of school truly arrogant bastards and then after a few years of exposure to the 'real' word mellowed like a good wine into something great. And have known folks who were great when I knew them, and then discovered on re-connecting that they had lost their way. The short of it is, holding a grudge against a person's past misdeeds isn't really very productive. As a manager you give your employees annual performance reviews and advice on what they should work on, so if I've not 'known' someone for a couple or three years or more I reset all my specific expectations to zero to get a sense of the person they are <i>now</i> versus the person they were <i>then.</i>

So, I'll be a bit contrarian on this.<p>I get a lot of intros. I get a lot of mail. But my chief role is not a networker. My role is to make sure the company makes money.<p>It happens <i>a lot</i> that I'll have some contact of a contact do an intro to someone that they think will be useful for us. We've done enough deals at this point that we can pretty quickly tell is an incoming intro passes the smell test or not.<p>Often I'll do an initial call out of courtesy to the person that did the intro, but I don't bother with a follow-up unless I smell blood in the water.<p>I end up dropping more intros that I'm happy with. It definitely bugs me at times that I can't stay on top of every intro that comes my way. But it's important to balance pure networking with actual business development and to not confuse the two.

I think you'll find you're far happier if you can avoid thinking like this. Putting any thought towards these kind of minor "misdeeds" or even keeping track of them is a draining way to live.

If someone introduces you to their contact, you should treat them with respect and not fuck up their reputation by being an arrogant bastard. (But maybe that's why I don't write blog posts).

It can be surprising how helpful most people are willing to be if you just manage to show up and not waste their time.

The people you meet on the way up, are the same people you'll meet on the way down. A cliché, but worth remembering.<p>Imo, if you're genuinely interested in what someone's doing / wants to do .. you won't need a networking crib-sheet. If you're not genuinely interested - what are you doing?<p>Also, good manners are free.

I'm always astonished how many people burn bridges when leaving a company. I'm not sure why this is.

All these points can be summed up into two points. First, make sure you are committed to the interactions you are engaging in. Second, if you are not committed to those interactions, make it clear to the other party (apologize, etc.).

So the main advice from the guy from giftrocket is to send out giftrockets. Got it.

I think this can be boiled down to "have self confidence, don't flake, be nice". Reputations are built over a lifetime.