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A man who takes 6 months of paternity is a loser – Palantir founder Joe Lonsdale

50 点作者 villaaston1超过 3 年前

17 条评论

arpyzo超过 3 年前
Every time I&#x27;ve switched jobs I looked back and questioned the time and effort I put in. It seems like I never got back what I put in.<p>When it comes to my son though, I&#x27;ve never once regretted the time and effort I dedicated to him.<p>Sounds like the real loser is Joe Lonsdale. I hope he&#x27;ll come to understand what&#x27;s truly import during the short time on this planet before it&#x27;s too late.
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runjake超过 3 年前
Beware of men who soapbox about masculinity. Often, they lack confidence and are doing it as a result of their own personal struggles with masculinity.<p>If you value masculinity, look for the &quot;quiet professional&quot; type role models. The ones doing masculine things and not posting brags, rants, and videos on YouTube or social media about it. And do[1] your own masculine things[2].<p>One positive role model I can refer people to is Pat McNamara on YouTube. He&#x27;s got tons of &quot;masculine cred&quot; (retired Delta Force operator, killer workout regime and work ethic) but is in touch with his feelings, enjoys gardening and bird watching, and is humorously self-deprecating, which I respect tremendously.<p><a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.youtube.com&#x2F;results?search_query=pat+mcnamara+basic+dude+stuff" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.youtube.com&#x2F;results?search_query=pat+mcnamara+ba...</a><p>1. If you want to do masculine things. You don&#x27;t have to. There are a huge variety of people out there and a huge variety of personal and cultural definitions of what being a man, or their particular identified gender, is.<p>2. My masculine things are BJJ, sewing, cooking (exploring Thai currently), smoking meats, woodworking, not belittling others, and lifting weights. Yours may or may not be different.
gilbetron超过 3 年前
I&#x27;m pretty sure that when I&#x27;m on my deathbed, I won&#x27;t wish for just one more zoom meeting, but I am sure I will wish for a few more minutes with my son.
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refurb超过 3 年前
The outrage cycle is strong with this one.<p>Is this what social media amplifies? Some dude who makes a statement that is clearly atypical gets hyper focused on while internet “pundits” scream at each other about it?<p>It’s clearly an extreme statement, made with the perfect intent to stoke outrage, that gets amplified, then Fortune writes an article and it gets linked on HN.<p>Whatever happens to “wow that’s a dumb statement” then moving on?
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jusa92pl超过 3 年前
I followed this on Twitter and think some clarification is in order.<p>1 - Joe immediately regretted using the word &quot;loser&quot; <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;twitter.com&#x2F;JTLonsdale&#x2F;status&#x2F;1453420638832635904" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;twitter.com&#x2F;JTLonsdale&#x2F;status&#x2F;1453420638832635904</a><p>2 - The headline is missing &quot;in an important position.&quot; Joe&#x27;s statement applies to the top leaders of a company&#x2F;country, not everyone. He&#x27;s saying people like the CEOs&#x2F;SVPs of a company, or the presidents&#x2F;cabinet members of a country, shouldn&#x27;t take six months off without staying involved even part time. That&#x27;s a reasonable take that I think most boards and top executives agree with.<p>It&#x27;s not like you have to spend your entire life at work and can never see your child. It&#x27;s just that top leaders at a company have commitments to the company that shouldn&#x27;t really be dropped for six whole months. If you&#x27;re in one of these positions, and you take time off (for any reason), it either needs to be a short vacation, or you need to stay involved at the same time (like a vacation where you&#x27;re still checking in for important meetings).
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celticninja超过 3 年前
My kids will be there long after my employment ends. I feel sorry for this guy&#x27;s kids.
CtrlAltEngage超过 3 年前
Is &quot;takes one to know one&quot; too childish for this?
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beezle超过 3 年前
I suppose he never considered that not all men are the bread winners of the family these days.
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weq超过 3 年前
Without love, all you have to show your worth is money.
999900000999超过 3 年前
Another way to look at this is anyone who can take that much leave is absolutely privilege compared to typical working class people. Back when I was working minimum wage or near minimum wage it was rare to even see women take more than a month off.<p>Many new fathers would only take one or two days. So at least with my working class background this is a couple of privileged people, from an extremely privileged class complaining about how much they should use their privilege.<p>The landlord doesn’t care all that much, while you can get three or four months of unpaid leave no working class person can afford to take all that much time.
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meh2frdf超过 3 年前
Everyone is different, saying someone is x because y just shows he has lots to learn about life.
dragonwriter超过 3 年前
<i>Au contraire</i>, a man who is able to take 6 months of paternity—in the US at least—has already won.<p>A man in an important position (as if any other would have the choice) who is able to but chooses not to for fear of being seen as a loser is a chump, though.
phendrenad2超过 3 年前
A lot of people believe this (gender essentialism&#x2F;determinism, evo-psych), but it&#x27;s still a rare opinion relatively speaking. Mildly interesting but not worth getting upset over (or a Fortune.com piece).
ameminator超过 3 年前
Well, priorities change over time. It&#x27;s important to be a whole person, and that should mean a healthy family life as well
iammisc超过 3 年前
In this thread, I notice a lot of comments talking about how men who don&#x27;t take six months off (or don&#x27;t see the point) lack &#x27;love&#x27;, want to leave mom &#x27;exhausted&#x27;, not wanting a &#x27;healthy family life&#x27;, etc.<p>These are all misguided.<p>Indeed, I levy the exact same claim on all those comments.<p>To claim that men not seeing the point of taking six months off don&#x27;t want a healthy family life is a symptom of an American &#x2F; Western family life gone <i>horribly</i> wrong. Mom should have lots of family, friends, etc, who are able to help her with the female aspects of being a new mom, such as breastfeeding, post-birth care, etc. Try as I may, as a husband, I cannot fully give my wife what her mom, my mom, and her female friends can give her. I&#x27;m useless at practical breastfeeding advice (and frankly, most lactation consultants are too), don&#x27;t know how to advise her on vaginal healing, etc. I can read all day long about these things, but I would never think of the stuff her practiced friends and family would tell her.<p>Because we have a strong family and community, mom doesn&#x27;t need to rely on dad for child care help. Dad can instead do other things, which are also useful for the family (like making sure mom has enough food to eat). That many women are relying on their husbands for this sort of support just shows the problems with the isolation of the American family.<p>When I took paternity leave with my youngest daughter (four weeks, and will probably do less next time), I was still working with my eldest daughter. She would help me with various tasks around the house, various projects that I needed help with, etc. In fact, I think I was out of the house more during paternity leave than when I&#x27;m working (since we&#x27;re all WFH during COVID anyway).<p>Instead of overly long paternity leave (and again, I am not against paternity leave in general, just the months long ones), we need flexible hours for new fathers (way more useful than full day leave) and a culture that embraces actual community (not the forced government community either, but actual human connection).
jowdones超过 3 年前
Yeah, the devil is in the details. I have a workmate that surprised me saying he&#x27;s taking a year off paternity leave, getting a monthly paycheck from the state.<p>The catch ... his wife is working from home. So in fact <i>she</i> is doing all the hard work child care. He... essentially took a paid-off sabbatical B-)
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brodouevencode超过 3 年前
The rhetoric is harsh, but I can sympathize with him. I would rather my children see how hard I work (it never went unnoticed), and now that they are older I happily include them in on what I do. But those early years should be dedicated to learning how to be social and nice - things women are better at than men on average. Traditionally men have been the workers, women have been the caregivers. This model has worked for centuries.
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