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When my wife developed Alzheimer’s, the story of our marriage kept us connected

401 点作者 rmbryan超过 3 年前

15 条评论

srvmshr超过 3 年前
&gt; It’s hard to accept the possibility that Judy may have completely forgotten about me, but a lifetime of living with disability has shown me how delicate human bodies and minds can be, how little it can take to dramatically, traumatically alter—or end—lives. Two rogue bones in my neck. Plaque on my beloved’s brain. Great love stories begin with such heady promise and end with such sadness and grief—but, at least in my case, also with memories of immense joy throughout a muscular marriage of two strong, supportive partners with challenges aplenty.<p>So poignantly expressed. I am usually skeptical of &#x27;true love&#x27;, but these kind of stories remind me I could be so utterly wrong. It is rare to find people as committed to each other as Judy &amp; Steve.
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baskethead超过 3 年前
It&#x27;s a lovely story, but quite honestly, Alzheimer&#x27;s&#x2F;dementia is a shitshow. I wouldn&#x27;t wish it on my worst enemy and there are many people I despise. There is nothing crueler than dementia.<p>My mom is suffering through dementia right now. We did something similar. We made photo albums, and went through them every day, until my mom stopped responding to them. Within a couple of years, she forgot who we were, or she would mix up my sister for her sister.<p>After 7 years from her diagnosis, she no longer talks and she no longer responds to me. My sister is taking full time care of her, and she is cleaning her several times a day because she&#x27;s incontinent. My mom recently has stopped swallowing. She also seems to have contracted a mild case of COVID, and my sister has been self-flagellating herself because she felt guilty about it. I of course told my sister there&#x27;s no reason to feel guilty, everyone is getting it and it&#x27;s something everyone will deal with, especially my mom. I secretly wish it would take my mom&#x27;s life to end her misery.<p>The worst part in the first few years were her lucid moments. During one of those moments she wrote a letter to God, asking to die, because she knew something was wrong but she didn&#x27;t know what. We found the letter hidden in her dresser. Every time I think about it, I burst out in tears, even now. It&#x27;s disgustingly cruel for someone who spend her entire life sacrificing her life for her kids and family, and asking nothing else.<p>So when articles like this come out, it is extremely difficult to contain my contempt at any stories that don&#x27;t paint the picture exactly how it is: a complete and utter shitshow. It&#x27;s unfair for the victim and it&#x27;s unfair for the caretakers. And it&#x27;s extremely expensive and almost impossible to keep your loved one living in a modicum of dignity.
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smoyer超过 3 年前
For those of you who are younger and perhaps haven&#x27;t experienced it, forget the movie version of true love. This story is a much better example - it&#x27;s imperfect, illogical, sometimes downright gritty and yet it persists (with bouquets of flowers spread throughout).
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austinjp超过 3 年前
Dementia is in the future for many of us. If not you then your parents or children, or friends, colleagues, whatever. You&#x27;ll see someone with it, one day, and it&#x27;s truly horrible.<p>Donate to your nation&#x27;s dementia or Alzheimer&#x27;s research foundations.
intrasight超过 3 年前
I am recently divorced from my wife of 30 years. I have a girlfriend now, but I am not sure if I&#x27;ll have sufficient time to develop such stories. It&#x27;s something that I think about.
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mastazi超过 3 年前
The page is currently down but it&#x27;s archived here <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;web.archive.org&#x2F;web&#x2F;20220119171102&#x2F;https:&#x2F;&#x2F;thewalrus.ca&#x2F;when-my-wife-developed-alzheimers-the-story-of-our-marriage-kept-us-connected&#x2F;" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;web.archive.org&#x2F;web&#x2F;20220119171102&#x2F;https:&#x2F;&#x2F;thewalrus...</a>
ncmncm超过 3 年前
This may be a good place to mention that a huge study [0] conducted over 6 years with tens of thousands of US Veterans Administration patients found that having a recent Tdap vaccination predicted a 40% lower incidence of dementia. This was confirmed with an independent cohort.<p>You hardly need any reason to go get your Tdap booster. Any faint possibility that it might stave off dementia ought to be enough by itself. Get your shingles vaccine, too, while you&#x27;re there. And, get prescribed some valacyclovir: studies in Asia have shown that had a desirable effect, with no risk.<p>[0] doi:10.1093&#x2F;gerona&#x2F;glab115, <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;sci-hub.se&#x2F;10.1093&#x2F;gerona&#x2F;glab115" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;sci-hub.se&#x2F;10.1093&#x2F;gerona&#x2F;glab115</a>
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mrpf1ster超过 3 年前
I guess I’m gonna be a little teary eyed this morning. Fantastic writing.
gioele超过 3 年前
Related to this topic (spouse with Alzheimer), there is a touching story by Alice Munro: &quot;The Bear Came Over the Mountain&quot;, the closing story of the book &quot;Hateship, Friendship, Courtship, Loveship, Marriage&quot;.
debdut超过 3 年前
You made me smile today :)
71a54xd超过 3 年前
Situations like this are why I&#x27;m afraid to get married. Maybe I&#x27;m a coward but I&#x27;d like to avoid strife like this if possible.
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IMAYousaf超过 3 年前
I fear mental deterioration and degradation more than physical.<p>They&#x27;re quite connected though.
Shamii超过 3 年前
My grandpa had dementia due to his age.<p>When I visited him for the last time he knew who I was.<p>But he clearly repeated very similar behavior patterns.<p>He also showed clear signs of not remembering &#x27;state&#x27;. Like time or location.<p>It was very hard for me because that gave me the feeling that he as a person was gone.<p>I cried after that for a while and it was basically me saying good bye .<p>My sister didn&#x27;t see it like that. She didn&#x27;t mind doing a sleepover and having her daughter with her. My mother also glanced over that. My other sister agreed on my thoughts.<p>I liked that she didn&#x27;t see it like that and spend time with him but I could not do that.<p>Of course I might be wrong. I don&#x27;t assume I know how he thought but what else to assume?<p>I don&#x27;t think I could do that if my wife started to show similar pattern.
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xwdv超过 3 年前
Having such a marriage in this day and age is truly a luxury, reserved only for the deepest of lovers.
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arrty88超过 3 年前
Please look at the new treatment options in clinical trials.<p><a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.linkedin.com&#x2F;posts&#x2F;scott-whitt-9b1261_cassava-sciences-initiates-a-phase-3-efficacy-activity-6888579354759045120-bLJl" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.linkedin.com&#x2F;posts&#x2F;scott-whitt-9b1261_cassava-sc...</a>