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Ask HN: Navigating a messy mind

2 点作者 samh748大约 3 年前
My mind is a mess and I&#x27;m wondering if HN has any tips, experiences, advice, etc. to share!<p>My mental health has improved significantly over the past 10 years, but as the depression lifted and as I gained more mental clarity, I&#x27;m finding myself still struggling with some persistent patterns of thought and behaviour (potentially neurodivergent ones) that are hindering my ability to progress further in life.<p>I&#x27;ll give some examples, though it&#x27;s quite complicated to describe as a lot of these patterns are very paradoxical.<p>- I&#x27;m reliant on routines and predictability to feel calm and settled, while at the same time desire personal freedom and autonomy, in that I really dislike following someone else&#x27;s structure&#x2F;rules and don&#x27;t like being controlled, micromanaged, watched.<p>- I have a strong aversion to discipline, and can never get any productivity&#x2F;organizational methods to work. The act of trying gives me anxiety, makes me feel very detached from myself, and zaps all creativity&#x2F;authenticity&#x2F;enthusiasm out of me.<p>- I work <i>very</i> slowly, both at home and at work. It takes me longer to do the same tasks compared to others at work, and at home I can only accomplish <i>just a few</i> mundane things that take up most of my day. I think it&#x27;s because I&#x27;m paying a lot of attention and being careful with everything I&#x27;m doing, and&#x2F;or I&#x27;m thinking about stuff. No matter how hard I try I can&#x27;t do them any faster (plus rushing = stress and still just as slow).<p>- I think what bothers me most is how all these things lead to my inability to get enough quality self-care. I struggle immensely with 1) finding enough time to do things I enjoy, and 2) when I get some free time I get anxious about having to use this time wisely and productively and end up not doing anything. I just want to sit down and read my books and write my essays but I can&#x27;t :&#x27;(<p>I&#x27;m sure there&#x27;s more but these are the prominant ones that really get to me.<p>Anyway, I&#x27;ve watched this youtube video on ADHD [1] and can definitely identify with several of the descriptions, though I don&#x27;t believe mine is that &quot;severe&quot;? (I&#x27;ve talked to doctors and they just dismiss me as usual.) Generally, I am much happier than I used to be and things are really not that bad, but I think many of these low-lying symptoms are starting to take a toll. I really don&#x27;t want to take any kind of medication for fear of side-effects and because I, again, don&#x27;t think my case is that bad to require medication. I would much rather try more holistic approaches etc. That said, all suggestions and advice etc are welcome! And feel free to ask me anything and I&#x27;ll try my best to answer during the little bit of time that I have.<p>If you want more context: I&#x27;ve matured a lot mentally and am more self-aware than most people around me (though I have to admit my social skills are still well below average). I&#x27;ve gotten to know my own thought patterns and personality tendencies inside and out, and have developed them as well (eg I can often catch my own blindspots, at least in retrospect). I&#x27;ve grown significantly in many directions, both personally and in my relationships. I&#x27;ve dealt with at least some of my past traumas and am no longer tormented by them.<p>[1]: https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.youtube.com&#x2F;watch?v=ouZrZa5pLXk

2 条评论

hw-guy大约 3 年前
Try mindful meditation. It doesn&#x27;t work for everyone, but it helped me with a lot of the same issues. There are courses available at many colleges and online; I used palousemindfulness.com, which is free.
ganbatekudasai大约 3 年前
Blahblahblah mindfulness. Let&#x27;s get practical in a few points instead:<p>&gt; in that I really dislike following someone else&#x27;s structure&#x2F;rules and don&#x27;t like being controlled, micromanaged, watched.<p>Stop. Unless you actively hate the situation you&#x27;re in, e.g. hate your job, your work, your boss, whatever (in which case you need to get out), take a step back and evaluate whether the structures and rules are really intrinsically bad. If not, stop fighting them, take comfort in them. Obviously it makes you calm and settled once you just accept a particular rule framework.<p>&gt; I have a strong aversion to discipline, and can never get any productivity&#x2F;organizational methods to work.<p>I don&#x27;t know you, but are you brushing your teeth every day (even just once, say, in the evening)? Do you feel odd if you skip it? If so, you obviously formed an habit there. Habit forming is hard, but it works. Make it a tiny thing at first, i.e. &quot;sort emails every morning&quot; or &quot;check your todo list every morning&quot;. Not more.<p>&gt; I work very slowly, both at home and at work. It takes me longer to do the same tasks compared to others at work, and at home I can only accomplish just a few mundane things that take up most of my day.<p>At work: Let&#x27;s put that down as a strength. You are good for tasks that require an extreme level of detail. Find work accordingly. At home, especially with this:<p>&gt; and&#x2F;or I&#x27;m thinking about stuff.<p>... I found that my productivity in mundane household work improved by 9000% by listening to podcasts or audiobooks that I enjoy (or watching videos if the task allows). No, not a work-related, self-help, or &quot;weight of the world&quot; investigative podcast. Something <i>fun</i>. Something you really care about, but in a lighthearted hobby way. Like videogames or vintage cars, whatever floats your boat. (Maybe boats?)<p>I can get so engulfed in what I&#x27;m listening to that I&#x27;m often <i>actively looking</i> for other mundane, mindless household work so that I can continue listening.<p>&gt; I just want to sit down and read my books and write my essays but I can&#x27;t<p>Well obviously you don&#x27;t, and also:<p>&gt; 2) when I get some free time I get anxious about having to use this time wisely and productively and end up not doing anything.<p>Stop. This is bullshit. You are wrong.<p>Free time is for staying in bed, binge watching a stupid TV shows, falling back asleep, and waking up at ungodly times. For sitting on the floor with coffee and do <i>nothing</i>.<p>And then at some point, when your mind and body had enough for that, you will <i>feel</i> the ache to be productive. To continue reading that science text book, to write that essay. It will feel actively boring and bad to consume instead.<p>Until your mind and body are exhausted again and you start consuming again. Playing videogames, wondering how you could ever be motivated to write an essay. And the cycle continues.<p>&quot;You have to be productive&quot; in your free time is one of the most infuriating bullshit mindsets I&#x27;ve ever encountered, and it seems to grow. If I felt that I <i>had</i> to be productive during downtime, I&#x27;d never be! What an awfully exhausting thought.
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