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Many single Japanese people in their 20s have never been on a date – survey

177 点作者 ahiknsr将近 3 年前

23 条评论

therusskiy将近 3 年前
30 y.o. male, (ex-)Russia.<p>First time I went on a date I was 23 years old. Before that with all the studying and work I had no time whatsoever for any kind of a relationship.<p>Some people on this thread bring up that dating let&#x27;s you develop a skill. In my experience dating is pretty easy if your goal is a long-term relationship, you just need to be yourself. If the other person likes you for who you are and not appear to be it&#x27;s a very good sign. It is also incredibly easy being yourself, less mental gymnastics. If you are after casual hookups... Here you do need a skill (unless nature gifted you with good looks). I suck incredibly hard at this.<p>Another thing is that once girls get older (25+?) they start to value other things, so all these hookups you missed in your younger years don&#x27;t matter that much.
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yur3i__将近 3 年前
I&#x27;m 22 and have never been on a date or anything resembling one. I&#x27;m not too worried about it, though the potential &quot;skill gap&quot; (for lack of a better word) with future partners does concern me a bit I have to admit.
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DoingIsLearning将近 3 年前
Controversial opinion: The concept of a &#x27;date&#x27; is an american romantic film import for a lot of other cultures.<p>If I go back 10 years in my home country any woman would shut down your conversation if you asked her on a _one-on-one_ &#x27;date&#x27;, the implication alone would question her &#x27;virtue&#x27;&#x2F;intentions.<p>One-on-one interaction would naturally occur as the casual hanging out with shared groups of friends or parties. I honestly don&#x27;t really see it as backwards if anything I think it really takes the pressure off from the two people to somehow keep interesting conversation for long periods of time.
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alephnan将近 3 年前
Statistically, this is not surprising.<p>In the West, especially a place like NYC, it is common to go on dozens of date with different people, to find the perfect partner. But first, just casual meeting and friends, getting to know each other. That culture is not common in Japan. Of course some HN poster will provide counter anecdata, but their datapoint is already selecting for a different demographic than the greater Japanese population.<p>Japanese people keep their social circles very small. Platonic relationships between genders are also less frequent. People generally hangout with people their own gender. Asking someone on a “date” borders on asking them to be your boyfriend&#x2F;girlfriend. To get to this stage, you’ve probably have spent considerable amount of time and context knowing each other. You ask, how do you get to know someone if you don’t already know them? Therein lies both the paradox and the answer.<p>Add in the fact that being single is not conditionally independent on the past, the headline “40% of SINGLE men never have been on a date” seems less surprising when you interpret it as “40% of single men have never had a girlfriend”.<p>Finally, one of the biggest domestic industries in Japan is mizu shobai. There are dozens “conversation bars” at practically every semi dense place in Japan to fill the loneliness gap. If you want a rendition of this, watch Season 1 of “Light the Night” on Netflix about this culture but based in Taipei’s entertainment district catering to Japanese businessman. Their Japanese is terrible, but they capture the aesthetic and lifestyle decently well. This is as close of a glimpse you’ll get to the real Japan because it’s not something people talk about during daytime, and sure as hell not explaining to Westerners ( the vast majority of these places do not welcome foreigners).
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2Gkashmiri将近 3 年前
As a Muslim, I would like to add my 2 cents.<p>Historically, religion has made pre marriage interaction between a man and a woman essentially banned. You &quot;should not&quot; meet or talk to a girl &#x2F;boy who is not your relative a term( mahram, which is a male relative who by consanguinity cannot have sex with) is often used so society is built around that concept.<p>A college going guy&#x2F;girl is not supposed to talk let alone be friendly because religion. That, over time has engrained into the entire society so for one, there is no concept of teen pregnancy because situation does not evolve to a point two people can have sex before getting married.<p>Years ago, I saw a 13 Yo couple &quot;kissing&quot; on the street like 7 years ago. That&#x27;s literally the only time I&#x27;ve seen PDA of sorts.<p>Marriage is also weird because you are supposed to be a celibate before marriage, then your &quot;parents&quot; arrange a marriage and you are expected to sign off on it either on a photo of the other person or a brief interaction.<p>The quirk of <i>arrange</i> marriage, you need to be &quot;saleable&quot; by way of a degree&#x2F;job&#x2F;business.<p>What happens is, a 25-27 yo guy is either studying or unemployed. Girls? They either get a low paying job to get a tag of &quot;employed&quot; or just stay at home.<p>Guys? Unless they start working, they are not considered ready till 28-29. Then it usually takes 2-4 years to &quot;arrange a marriage&quot;.<p>Now, its common to have 35-40 year olds getting married because the guy &quot;wasn&#x27;t earning enough&quot; and because of religious compulsions, are always virgins.<p>Over the last decade, instances of divorce have increased manifold because now people are starting to not put up with a bad relationship which was the societal norm and suddenly older generation is waking up to people getting divorced because the couple don&#x27;t know how to handle a relationship
commiepatrol将近 3 年前
I wish they would define what a date is. Does it mean virgin or at least someone who has had sex without paying for it? It also looks like in their culture you can be romantically involved without being sexually involved - are they saying 40% of younger men have never had a relationship?
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incomingpain将近 3 年前
This one isn&#x27;t so much about Japan. Japan is just sensitive to the problem because their ongoing population decline and upcoming economic collapse far greater than anyone has ever seen.<p><a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.psychologytoday.com&#x2F;us&#x2F;blog&#x2F;living-single&#x2F;201710&#x2F;teen-dating-and-sex-hit-record-lows-recent-decades" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.psychologytoday.com&#x2F;us&#x2F;blog&#x2F;living-single&#x2F;201710...</a><p><a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;nationalpost.com&#x2F;news&#x2F;canada&#x2F;the-u-s-fertility-rate-just-hit-a-historic-low-some-demographers-worry-its-a-baby-crisis" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;nationalpost.com&#x2F;news&#x2F;canada&#x2F;the-u-s-fertility-rate-...</a><p>&gt;In 2010, another survey published The Japanese Association for Sex Education Research Journal found that 40.8% (up from 34.6% in 2006) of marriages in Japan could be classified as &quot;sexless&quot;<p>What an absolute disaster. Imagine all of Japan&#x27;s recent Fukushima type events combined? How many deaths are associated with sexless marriages. Holy crap this is a disaster greater then their recent nuclear meltdown by whole factor levels. Easily hundreds of thousands of deaths every year.<p>What happens with sexless marriages? You stay at work because it&#x27;s far less depressing to be at work than be at home in a sexless marriage. So Japanese work long hours. Yet people are lonely... and clearly quite unhappy. They even have a &#x27;minister of loneliness&#x27;. So what does &#x27;work&#x27; do? Try to make you happy. Mandatory happy training!<p>They are unhappy... they just need to get laid. Worse yet, you have such a large percentage of your work force who are sexless and unhappy. What does this do to productivity? How about that economic collapse because of tremendous government debt and tremendous taxes?
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zeroonetwothree将近 3 年前
I’ve only been on maybe three “dates” ever. Somehow I got married though. So apparently it’s not the only way to do it.
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didip将近 3 年前
The government and the media keep freaking out about birth rate declining but made no attempts in fixing the poor working conditions in Japan.<p>Who wants to date, marry, or have kids if you can barely live your life?
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RajT88将近 3 年前
Having seen the documentaries and articles on predominantly young people living in internet cafes or as total shut-ins with family, I would say there&#x27;s more still societal factors to this than even the article mentions.
francisofascii将近 3 年前
Interesting that 27.3% of women have a lover, but 19.1% of men do. Does that mean more lesbian activity or perhaps successful men taking more than one female? Any thoughts on this discrepancy?
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yakak将近 3 年前
I don&#x27;t understand their spouse data being very different for males and females. Are there significantly fewer women in Japan, is there a significant difference in gay and lesbian marriage, is there polygamy?<p>I think people are not reflecting the same relationship as their presumed partner would.
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coldtea将近 3 年前
They worked hard. They made money. Then their culture and ethnic group grew old and died off.
sbf501将近 3 年前
Is US-style dating part of their culture? In the 80&#x27;s and 90&#x27;s I dated a few women from countries in Europe and they all thought the 1-on-1 date thing was weird, telling me that people usually go out in groups, and then pair off over time. I won&#x27;t go into detail, but the relative intimacy of various sex acts was also out of order from what the US expects based on what they told me.<p>Today, I have three friends with sons in their late 20&#x27;s, and NONE of the boys have ever had what my generation would call a &quot;steady&quot; girlfriend, e.g., &gt;6 months. I find that bizarre, but I&#x27;m old. Culture changes.
Aeolun将近 3 年前
What is more surprising is that like 8% of married young men went straight from koibito to wife, without going on a single date.<p>As far as I know arranged marriages aren’t really a thing here.
kanzure将近 3 年前
Curious to know if there are any very opposite recent results for some different population..?
sequoia将近 3 年前
How have ~5% of married men never been on a date? Is the chart just imprecise?
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Overtonwindow将近 3 年前
I don’t know that much about Japan, so forgive me, but I was under the impression that in Japan there was a lot of shame attached to sex, and sexuality.<p>Could the view on sex, particularly casual sex, impact dating?
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j3o2ijoi3将近 3 年前
Women don&#x27;t really like &#x27;nice guys&#x27; (only as beta providers) and a lot of japanese men are &#x27;nice guys&#x27;.
LinuxBender将近 3 年前
Japan&#x27;s population has been in decline for a while [1] and there may be other compounding factors. Adding a video that can does a good job explaining this. A lack of dating will add to this problem.<p>[1] - <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;youtu.be&#x2F;qcNhqYBr2To?t=9" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;youtu.be&#x2F;qcNhqYBr2To?t=9</a> [video] [skipping ad]
WFHRenaissance将近 3 年前
BRB starting a Japanese PUA Youtube business. I will help these men get women.
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t-3将近 3 年前
Not so surprising, as someone who was recently in their 20s. Dating is old fashioned and very consumeristic&#x2F;wealth oriented. I&#x27;ve also never been on a date, because my social strata only goes out to party, not to eat at expensive restaurants with dress codes and shit, or theaters with $20 popcorn. We have kitchens and netflix.
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fristechill将近 3 年前
Equally disturbing is the fact that many married men are being encouraged to participate in a permanent state of ersatz courtship known as &#x27;date nights&#x27;. What&#x27;s the point of getting married if you still have to go on dates?<p><a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.youtube.com&#x2F;watch?v=mm1HgQbXFEE" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.youtube.com&#x2F;watch?v=mm1HgQbXFEE</a>
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