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Teaching Good Sex

181 点作者 c0riander超过 13 年前

12 条评论

Shenglong超过 13 年前
I recently (well, a few years ago) went through sex education in schools. They don't really teach you sex, as much as why you shouldn't have sex. Even when they're teaching contraception, the consistent emphasis on only x% effective really cuts out student interest. It's almost like saying, "yeah we have a method or preventing HIV transmission, but it doesn't really work." While it might seem like a good idea at first, I found it to quickly invoke the <i>I'm not listening anymore</i> response.<p>Next, is the issue of effectiveness. Personally, I've been shown way so many gross images of venereal diseases, that I I won't even touch without knowing I have protection. Unfortunately, this doesn't follow through for a lot of other kids who went through the same education as I did. "I was drunk", "we didn't have any", "it doesn't feel as good", and "it's too much work" are all (yes I know it's sad) frequently cited responses among people I know.<p>Thirdly, and most troublesome of all, some people don't care that they're <i>spreading</i> diseases. I recently found out someone I knew was receiving treatment for Hep B. I asked her when she found out, believing this to be a recent development. "I've had it all my life," she responds. I walked out of the room. She's quite active, and her disdain for condoms is legendary. How anyone can exhibit that kind of carelessness is honestly, beyond me.<p>Rather than force education, I feel we might have to take a completely different approach. Teaching is great, but it doesn't work when kids don't want to listen or don't care. Perhaps we need to stress the <i>why</i> here, rather than the <i>how</i>.<p>Lastly - I know this is really aside the point of this article, but schools should probably also teach <i>how</i> to have sex properly. Not using condoms, but common erogenous zones, sensing feedback, appropriate pressure, etc. It's kind of sad that we learn all these things by exploration, again and again, generation after generation. I think it's about time we standardized it. Everyone needs to (well, almost everyone) have sex one day, anyway. Might as well at least have fun.
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_delirium超过 13 年前
How to tackle this well is a difficult question, so it's interesting to see someone trying. I think sex tends to fall along with personal finance into the category of things most people end up doing without learning anything about it first, or at least, not learning very well. About the most you can hope for in either case is a few don't-do-this rules of thumb being taught in school or via public-service ads, like "use a condom" and "don't rack up huge credit-card debts".<p>I assume it'd work differently for different students, but for a subject some people find awkward, non-classroom sources of information might also be useful to think about. The internet makes it so that few people are really strictly <i>unable</i> to access a huge range of information. But is the information out there good and well organized? Wikipedia, as often, is probably the least-bad high-profile thing out there, but I'm not sure that Wikipedia on sex-related topics is actually that helpful for a teenager; it somehow has an odd focus, half pop culture and half clinical.
FD3SA超过 13 年前
It seems unwise to promote casual sex without fully understanding the consequences. And I don't speak of the overblown disease fears, but the far more serious effects of emotional desensitization. Sex elicits a chemical response much like cocaine or heroin, and is also prone to the build up of tolerance. Thus, casual sex with multiple partners leads to a severely diminished capacity for pair bonding and emotional fulfilment. It is no coincidence that the state of marriage in western nations is in shambles, while citizens report high levels of unhappiness as demonstrated by massively increasing antidepressant consumption [0].<p>Promoting a rapid change from tradition should be done so cautiously, for Occam's Razor suggests that the majority of the world's civilizations evolved strict marital practices (celibacy till marriage and fidelity thereafter) for good reason [1].<p>0. <a href="http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/databriefs/db76.htm" rel="nofollow">http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/databriefs/db76.htm</a><p>1. <a href="http://darktriumvirate.wordpress.com/2011/10/02/the-cancer-of-western-civilization/" rel="nofollow">http://darktriumvirate.wordpress.com/2011/10/02/the-cancer-o...</a>
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firebones超过 13 年前
Good lord, I saw this headline on HN and thought it was going to be the ESR classic "Sex Tips for Geeks":<p><a href="http://catb.org/~esr/writings/sextips/" rel="nofollow">http://catb.org/~esr/writings/sextips/</a>
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winter_blue超过 13 年前
For those if you who have never had sex, how does this (seeing this article) make you feel?<p>Please be honest. - I feel a combination of envy and hatred (but I wish I didn't feel like this.)
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dredmorbius超过 13 年前
Al Vernacchio, "How To Have the Talk" on YouTube, roughly 2 hour presentation: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkUJdBkTDpE" rel="nofollow">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkUJdBkTDpE</a>
philbarr超过 13 年前
What's this: "If there’s grass on the field, play ball" ?! I think you'll find the actual phrase is, "if there's grass on the wicket, let's play Cricket."<p>The American-ized version doesn't even rhyme!
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veyron超过 13 年前
The real problem here is that many parents have very strong opinions regarding teaching sex in school.<p>obligatory south park reference (nsfw): <a href="http://www.southparkstudios.com/full-episodes/s05e07-proper-condom-use" rel="nofollow">http://www.southparkstudios.com/full-episodes/s05e07-proper-...</a>
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russell_h超过 13 年前
<p><pre><code> In its breadth, depth and frank embrace of sexuality as, what Vernacchio calls, a “force for good” — even for teenagers — this sex-ed class may well be the only one of its kind in the United States. </code></pre> Up until this point I was thinking how much this class sounds like the "health" class I took in 8th grade. And my teacher taught barely beyond the curriculum, I sat in on another teacher's health class that probably violated all sorts of policies and went much further than this. If there were two such classes at my middle school, I can only imagine this isn't really that unique.
logjam超过 13 年前
Article on single page:<p><a href="http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/20/magazine/teaching-good-sex.html?pagewanted=all" rel="nofollow">http://www.nytimes.com/2011/11/20/magazine/teaching-good-sex...</a>
HilbertSpace超过 13 年前
The article is pushing, pushing HARD, on a particular point of view: "Sex is normal and okay and should be enjoyed well before marriage and age 18".<p>Well, in the US in this year 2011, heavily this point of view is in actual fact DANGEROUS.<p>Before explaining some of the danger, notice, the article is EXTREME: To see how extreme, just look at the picture where the girl is somewhere between age 9-12, my guess would be 10 or 11. Below I will illustrate a little of why 9-12 is, here in the US in 2011, so extreme.<p>We need a fact of life, mostly about politics and religion and not just about sex: In the US, there is an extremely strongly held and very restrictive norm and a significant fraction of the population that believes very strongly in this norm and wants very much to have this norm ENFORCED on others and to bring serious, severe, even lifetime, public retribution to anyone who violates that norm. The norm is close to the traditional teachings of some religions, especially Roman Catholics, Baptists, Orthodox Jews, and Muslims, that sex should be ONLY within marriage. The idea that sex should be 'fun' between two people, like, say, playing tennis, is frowned on. That's the norm. To enforce the norm, there can be various cases of 'religious police'.<p>Now on to the danger: Anyone in the US who is publicly accused of violating the norm can be in very deep trouble in their job or marriage or legally.<p>E.g., without a doubt, one of the greatest dangers to the career of a politician is an accusation that they violated the norm. That is, there is a long list of once powerful politicians who, just because of accusations that they 'fooled around', were thrown out of office or had their political careers seriously hurt. Forgot Governor Spitzer? What about Chairman Wilbur Mills? The Little Wiener Representative Weiner? The news media is talking more about Herman Cain's (A) 999 plan or (B) he said-she said?<p>Outside of politics, there is a great danger of a person being accused of being a 'sexual predator' and, thus, having to 'register' for the rest of their life.<p>Violations of the norm can be taken more seriously than robbery or even murder. I.e., some people who follow the norm are REALLY 'uptight' about sex.<p>There are so many people who believe strongly in the norm, especially in Texas and the Bible Belt, that the Republicans toss out little hints about abstinence-only sex education, leaving sex education to the parents and holding down any role in sex education in the schools, repealing Roe v. Wade, etc. and get some significant election advantage.<p>Any suggestion or hint of improper behavior about sex at work can result in law suits, being fired, etc.<p>One of the crimes taken most seriously is rape, but, if sex were just like a game of tennis, then why lock people up for years because of rape? Because according to the norm, sex is very much NOT just like a game of tennis.<p>If the boy is in college and the girl in high school, then have to do some careful calculations about their birth dates and state laws to decide if the boy should be locked up.<p>Heck, the people with the norms don't even like standard sex within marriage: E.g., why in the US has there been a long tradition of June brides? Because it was long standard that a girl would get married in her first June after high school graduation. Then there was a good chance that she would be a "teen mother", married but still in her teens. But the people with the norms keep screaming about the evils of "teen pregnancy". Gee, Princess Di was a "teen mom". The norms are so UPTIGHT about sex they don't even want a married woman of 18 or 19 to be a mommy.<p>Heck, some of the laws enforced as desired by former US Attorney General John Ashcroft would have most of the US male population in jail -- literally. E.g., just take a picture at the beach where the picture has a girl under 18 and let a digital version of the picture get distributed at all. JAIL. According to Ashcroft, even a cartoon image would do. We're talking UPTIGHT. By the way, parents: No baby pictures!<p>For the case of the picture with the article, the public repercussions, especially for the boy, from any suggestion that that couple, with the girl likely well under age 13, even engaged in just some 'touching' could be horrendous. E.g., if the boy's father were a politician, then the news media could go wild for weeks.<p>The news media knows very well about the norms and how uptight many people in the US are and takes huge advantage to 'sell newspapers' or, now, get eyeballs for ads.<p>Sex outside of marriage, any touching related to sex, just talking about sex can have consequences that can ruin lives. At work, a woman can get a man fired, and his career ruined, just by complaining "He looked at me in a way that made me feel uncomfortable.".<p>Net, in our society, sex, nearly anything about sex, outside of marriage is DANGEROUS -- politically, legally, financially, etc.<p>The article is ignoring the strong norms and pushing a very 'liberal' view of sex maybe more like in, say, Sweden. At one time in the US, the age of consent was 10 -- NOT NOW. Maybe the US should return to the age of consent 10 or have something like Sweden (or maybe not), but currently that is very much NOT how the US is.<p>As dangerous as sex has been in the US, now with DNA testing it's much more dangerous. E.g., consider the DNA testing of the stain on the little black dress of that White House Intern during the Clinton Administration. Then consider how that stain was the 'seed' of a full impeachment process with all of the US Federal Government seriously distracted for months. Clinton was seriously throttled in what he could do as the leader of the US. We're talking SERIOUS and DANGEROUS.
giardini超过 13 年前
They may not know how to do long division or compute an angular velocity but, by damn, American kids are going to know how to fuck properly!<p>I am pleased my tax dollars are so well spent. "Female ejaculation" - sheez...
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