Ask HN: Which parental action increased your happiness and success as an adult?

This one is probably very different than many people experienced, but I credit these things for being in the top 1% of earnings for my American co-hort (starting race, gender, educational attainment and economic class.)<p>My parents were theologians and both grew up as missionaries kids in incredibly dangerous, remote, environments, the best thing they did was teach us to think critically and parse communication (especially persuasive communication) and complex ideas. They used the tools of hermeneutics, theology and philosophy to do this, they also exposed us to living philosophers and their writings and the fields many journals.<p>They became heavily involved in education, literacy and higher learning and their plans to go overseas for mission work were dropped.<p>Every week on the way home from from the different churches we went to they would ask us what the pastors had preached incorrectly, what assertions they had made that were not defensible with the text they had used. There was very occasionally nothing said incorrect but there was usually A LOT of indefensible and even contradictory teaching. Much of it was teaching dominant local cultural positions unsupported by or antithetical to the text.<p>My siblings went into successful careers in scientific research, law, tech and leadership roles.<p>Literacy, critical thinking and the ability to parse complex ideas are invaluable. Having an &quot;objective&quot; text to argue to made things much more approachable as children.<p>I would love to figure out how to do that with my own kids if I ever have them, I won&#x27;t be taking them to church so I&#x27;m not sure how to replicate the same environment.<p>Edit: The other thing they did was they moved us to a very wealthy area when I was about 13, and even though health catastrophe destroyed my families fortunes and health (before taking the lives of both my parents while I was barely 20,) our financial proximity to wealth and our willingness to exploit ourselves did give us access to capital opportunities we wouldn&#x27;t have had in a less affluent area.

There was a time when we were facing daily blackouts. I was less than 10 yo. All families would come out in their respective courtyard during such times.<p>During one such instance, some people came to our neighbour&#x27;s house. (Later I learnt they belonged to the coal mafia. And those guys had come to threaten him. In a very gentlemanly mafia style. With guns and all.) We were sitting on our stairs, counting stars and constellations (another one of my father&#x27;s pastimes those days that got me interested in astronomy) and had a vantage of height to observe the whole thing. My father, for some reason, thought of indulging me. He took me on his lap and told me that when people converse, words don&#x27;t matter. What matters is their intention. So it&#x27;s very important to read between the lines. And to factor in the context and their role in it. He went on to explain the various intricacies of that conversation to drive his point.<p>That day, I lost my innocence.

We kept the computer in the lounge&#x2F;living room.<p>This began in the 8-bit days when it used the family TV, but even when it had its own display it continued to be in the family room.<p>That meant even when I was coding, or making documents, web pages, or playing games, it was easy for my parents to take an interest in what I was doing and kept it on the side of being a family&#x2F;social activity. It also let them keep a healthy balance on the amount of time spent, too.

Honestly? First, teaching me programming and about electronics and computers. I was a girl born in 1988 so that wasn&#x27;t a given, and I&#x27;ve both dodged a lot of bullets and have a lot of skills that turned out to be very useful. (E.G My dad started teaching me about relational databases as a kid bc he was an accountant and used them - this was way before they were used to store information for web apps.)<p>Second, discussing current events and politics from multiple perspectives&#x2F;teaching me to exist in spaces with people who disagree with me. My family members are all over the map politically.<p>Third, consequence based rules. I didn&#x27;t have a curfew, but I did have provisions that I would have one if I either a.) started missing school&#x2F;work or b.) didn&#x27;t arrange my logistics and needed to wake up parents to come drive me home. The rules always had REASONS. (On the other hand, other authority figures weren&#x27;t fans of this...)

My parents instilled in me the idea of Delayed Gratification and I&#x27;m very thankful for it now! It wasn&#x27;t by thier choice or decision though... we grew up poor in rural Kenya. The only time you got a &quot;gift&quot; (mostly clothing or shoes - rarely a toy) was in Christmas and only if the harvest was a good one.<p>Now as an adult, with my own children, I look back and appreciate that I didn&#x27;t chase shinny stuff in my formative years. I&#x27;m totally ok waiting until the moment is right, but my children don&#x27;t understand the concept at all.

I&#x27;m not sure there was any one thing.<p>I will say there was a big negative - teaching that society is a meritocracy and to have integrity. I would be much more successful and happy if they told me how crooked society really is.

I incessantly question and doubt everything as part of having lots of anxiety and depression. Reading these responses makes me wonder if the parents would say the same thing, disagree, or possibly say something else.<p>As for a specific decision, my mother tells me it was encouraging me to befriend a supervisor who all of my other coworkers hated. This was at a sushi bar. The guy had an inflated ego, put other staff members down, got on everyone&#x27;s case, and held grudges. So mother tells me I should just do everything the guy wants, and as months go by, there is no one on the team who the supervisor trusts more than me. Even though my performance was average, I was his favorite employee. It got to the point where I was fixing his computer, invited to his home, and doing his math homework for him (he was in culinary school). When I finally moved on to another job, he begged me to stay. Years later he was super friendly to me once when we randomly encountered each other. I think the moral of the whole thing was to not quit just because someone with authority over you has a crap personality.

Teaching me how to read from an early age. When I was for, I asked my mom to teach me how to read and by the age of five I was already reading.<p>I have not been formally educated in many things that I know nowadays (the english language is one of them, albeit far from perfect), but knowing how to read from an early age helped me enjoying the activity and knowing how to find information independently.

Sara Blakely&#x27;s father apparently asked his children at the diner table how they failed that day.<p>Not a personal story, but one that I&#x27;ll remember for my own kids when they grow up.<p><a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.businessinsider.com&#x2F;spanx-founder-sara-blakely-redefine-failure-2016-10?op=1" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.businessinsider.com&#x2F;spanx-founder-sara-blakely-r...</a><p>Edit, some other knowledge I read: Richard Branson&#x27;s father used to repeat: Isn&#x27;t life wonderful. His mother would put him in front of a mirror and show how it reflects badly on him when he would badmouth other people. (I don&#x27;t have the exact source on these two, some podcast I listened)

My parents gave me freedom, far more than I needed or wanted. Growing up I learned that so many kids are burdened with meddling, planning parents who use offspring as a projection screen. I&#x27;m really glad my parents never pushed me to do anything, except maybe instilling the value of education (but it cost me no effort to go to university, so pushing it very much was not, never did a second of homework).<p>As consequence, I usually that what I feel like, but have no urge to do things because I can; off course I can do them, but I&#x27;ll do those things I want to do, not because they are (extravagant?) options.

I&#x27;m Vietnamese-American, so I&#x27;d say making me pho every once in a while.<p>Yeah...I know you can get it here in the states, but having it at home made me really appreciate that simple things can really bring happiness.

They bought me a computer when it was expensive.

My mom often complained about me being on the computer too much, but still let me have a computer in my room, would semi-regularly come home with new computer games from the dollar store that she thought I might like, and took me to the library to check out a bunch of books about computers whenever I asked. When I came up with weird things I wanted to be (that changed weekly as a kid), she kind of just indulged me without taking it too seriously OR poking obvious holes in my dreams of being a motocross racer. I feel like she kind of just let me figure things out for myself, not convincing me of anything but also subtly helping me pursue the things I decided I was curious about.<p>I think that partly as a result of this (coupled with the privilege of growing up in a middle-class family with enough resources to live comfortably), I grew up with the default (unconscious) expectation that I&#x27;d do something I really enjoyed with my life, for work and otherwise. Not because anyone told me that, but just because nobody said otherwise. While at the same time always expecting to have to put real effort and time into whatever I decided to pursue next.

My parents would talk about their struggles growing up without any money.<p>My mother who was orphaned at a very young age and was raised by her grand mother would tell us about how she would have to erase their books and turn over their school uniforms and restitch them when they got faded when a new school year began because they couldn’t afford new clothes or books. My uncle who was all of 8 months when my grand parents passed away, had to struggle to make his school fees. Yet they have done well simply because of their perseverance and hard work. When I think about it, luck must have played a role but they still worked very hard to make their lives and their kids lives better.<p>My father would tell me about the time when they couldn’t afford to buy milk for me as a kid. And his cousin who was many years his senior asked him if he had any savings and when they answered in the negative, implored him to start.<p>These 2 things have always been my guiding lights. Very recently I have started losing interest in everything that is happening around me due to life circumstances. And writing these things has truly helped me understand where I’m from and what I need to do. Thank you OP

I think just letting me be curious and explore things on my own. I did not have any planned activities. If I wanted to hang out in radio shack for hours reading the circuit books, they would drop me off and pick me up later.

Tough love.<p>I grew up poor, with uneducated parents who could hardly speak English. My parents depended on me a lot. Growing up poor gave me independence and growth. Resilience learned from struggles. Opportunities to make my own decisions and mistakes. My parents couldn’t tell me what to do or give advice because they just didn’t know how to grow up and be successful in the US. So it was up to me to make my own life decisions. I’m a late bloomer, but I’ve obtained a lot of life lessons along the way.<p>A way I see to teach kids this lesson without the struggles of being poor is to give them some autonomy and the mental tools to push through their failures.

Moving to the US had the largest impact by far.

Deep love for learning not education.<p>And a lack of an emphasis on fitting in.<p>The rest was a counter example of how not to be an adult. I was very strait laced and grew up quickly because raising me was too much for my father. I have severe ADHD and I’m sure my dad does too. Adulting was too hard for him.<p>So I was extremely motivated to make something of myself as a result. I didn’t have an idea of a specific goal, but I wanted to earn more than $70k salary doing something with computers.

* Live by the Golden Rule<p>* Don’t spend money you don’t have

My mother read bedtime stories for me.

I grew up in a house with a computer, and as soon as I showed any interest in it my parents did everything they could to get me training with it. For example I was sent to an intro to BASIC course when I was 8 years old at the local community college, and then was sent to computer camps nearly every summer after that until I graduated high school

My dad let me go to work with him (running a radio shack) on weekends while i was in high school. Didn&#x27;t pay me much but the value was in the education, learning how to sell and solve people&#x27;s problems with technology.

Talked me out of going into a graphics and animation course. I ended up in an engineering course in a mediocre college and my life is so much better for it.

Free-ranging with sharp guidance on hazard avoidances.

Never pushing me to conform to their idea of what I should be.<p>Taught me how to be self-reliant.<p>Showed me the power of compound growth and moderation.

Meditating at a Buddhist temple. Was just offered I think after I had studied religions.

Ensuring I always did my homework from school

Private english school, to be honest.