For myself, I had a bunch of unresolved mental health challenges in my early twenties that made finding love practically impossible for me. Fixing those issues and learning to relate to the world in a more realistic way was huge for my ability to both give, receive, and enjoy love. And this was true no matter how much I wanted it at the time.<p>Second in my journey was gaining confidence in myself in social settings, not just romantic ones. Until I could consistently enjoy myself with genuine friends in a low stakes setting, how was I supposed to be able to enjoy myself with potential romantic partners in a high stakes setting?<p>Third, I had to recalibrate my brain from the tendencies of romantic perfectionism I had picked up on in my years of unrequited yearning. Learning to see girls as human beings, not as idols to be worshipped, was a big change (I know that sounds a bit extreme, but it’s honestly how I was approaching things). I also had to learn to care less about dumb things in romantic partners and focus more on what was truly most important: character, similarity in values, relatability, realistic levels of attraction. As long as I was only searching for someone who could give me those teenage dream vibes, I was basically ceding control of my future romantic happiness to my pituitary glands. Which pop music makes sound great but which is a terrible plan here on planet earth when talking about something so essential to your long term happiness as romantic connection and family.<p>So there you have it, the simple three step process that got me happily married to the love of my life and launched me into the joys of fatherhood and 2 am newborn feedings. YMMV. Good luck - you’ll figure it out.