Ask HN: How to Speak Directly?

Niceness is largely a result of high agreeability in the 5 factor psychological model. The goal is not to change your personality but instead the substance or modality of your communication.<p>First understand what agreeability is. Low agreeable people know what they want and have no problem telling that to you. Highly agreeable people don’t tend to know what they want with any clarity because their eagerness to please provides mixed goals.<p>The solution then is to become more goal oriented with your spoken words. Begin with the end in mind and then step back as necessary.<p>Another important thing is honesty. You can be honest without being rude so long as you are constructive and&#x2F;or purposeful. Most people perceive that as a strength called tact. Deception for the sake of niceness, even if subtle or just rhetorical, is generally viewed as a major personality flaw akin to cowardice.

Read these books:<p>1) &quot;When I Say No I Feel Guilty&quot;<p>2) &quot;Don&#x27;t Reply All&quot;