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Give it five minutes

620 点作者 sathishmanohar大约 13 年前

29 条评论

analyst74大约 13 年前
I come from the opposite direction, where I was thinking too much. In the sense that I am quiet in most conversations, because I need to think about what to say back, and most conversations flow quite quickly, and I end up with a response well past the point it's applicable.<p>This is bad for two reasons: 1, if you don't say anything, the default assumption is you don't know anything, unless you have well known achievement in the field. Now your peers will eventually learn what you know, maybe even more than they do, but it takes time, and modern life is fast;<p>2, you don't have to be wise/correct/knowledgeable in all conversations, especially casual ones where people are just shooting the stars and will forget what was talked the next day.<p>The real tricky thing, the thing that distinguishes a &#60;i&#62;wise&#60;/i&#62; man, is to know when to speak like a fool, and when to dive into deep thinking, and when to shut up.
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sray大约 13 年前
This reminds me of <i>And the Rock Cried Out</i>, a short story by Ray Bradbury. The story revolves around two American tourists who are in South America when the US and much of Europe is wiped out by nuclear attacks during the Cold War. With the US in rubble, everyone is out to get the tourists as payback for all of the terrible things America has done in the past.<p>Anyway, they eventually meet a man named Garcia who offers them help. They're shocked, since everyone else wants them dead. Garcia explains:<p><i>Do you read the papers? Of course, you do. But do you read them as I read them? I rather doubt that you have come upon my system. No, it was not exactly myself that came upon it; the system was forced upon me. But now I know what a clever thing it has turned out to be. I always get the newspapers a week late, from the Capital. And this circumstance makes for a man being a clear-thinking man. You are very careful with your thinking when you pick up a week-old paper.</i><p>That always stuck with me for some reason.
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leftnode大约 13 年前
I frequently fall victim to this and I've gone through considerable effort not to.<p>One example: at my previous job, our ecommerce site had individual templates for each product. We only had around 20 products, but I came from a job where you might have thousands of products, so a single template was used. I just couldn't wrap my head around why you would have individual templates for each product.<p>The pages were mostly static (aside from a header and footer, and the pricing), and they took quite a while to make.<p>Then I realized that because we had so few products, we could really customize and market each page to highlight the features of each product. I went on to build a personal site with only a handful of products the same way as well.<p>Like Jason said, spending that extra time (even if it isn't literally 5 minutes) can really change your perception of something.
youlost_thegame大约 13 年前
Oh man, I'm like having a dejà vu.<p>This realization occured to me about a year ago, and when it came to me, everything was so clear. I had been an asshole in too many meetings because of wanting to speak first. My manager, on the other hand, was a very quiet, enigmatic guy, and he seemed wise.<p>While the engineers discussed some ideas, he listened. By listening, he was able to detect who was full of B.S. and who was has the best ideas. In the end, when he finally broke his silence, he was usually right.<p>Silence is very, very powerful, and it's never too late to learn to shut up
rumblestrut大约 13 年前
I have found this approach to be quite useful with my co-workers, friends and even my spouse.<p>Sometimes I hear an idea and my initial reaction is "No," when what is really going on inside me is "Let me mull it over." The trick for me is to not open my mouth too soon before I've truly given the idea a chance to breathe a little.
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jilebedev大约 13 年前
&#62;I came into the discussion looking to prove something, not learn something.<p>I'm just future-fantasizing here but ... Wouldn't it be a ripe topic of neurochemical study to find out what happens in a brain that decides that ego stroking is more important than learning through constructive conversation? I suspect that "deciding to learn" requires a significantly higher activation energy than simply choosing to prove "I'm right".
MattJ100大约 13 年前
&#62; Learning to think first rather than react quick is a life long pursuit. It’s tough.<p>I must admit I stopped reading about here. I don't think I'm among the intended audience for this post. It personally takes quite something for me to stand up and criticize someone's work. I certainly couldn't do it within five minutes - I need to soak an idea up first.<p>I often explain to people that I'm a slow thinker. I actually don't know if it's that, or that I just have a higher threshold of thought before I have confidence to speak about something. That usually means I'll be the last to speak on a subject, but I'd hope that my contributions when I do speak are then at least a <i>little</i> more considered than those who spoke first. That's what I'd like to think, anyhow.
Toenex大约 13 年前
Interesting. I read this as saying "have some respect for those brave enough to present a novel idea for consideration" which I think we would all agree with. How we do that is always a function of our personalities and consequently of our personality disorders of which we should be mindful. However, good ideas need to be tested and must therefore survive robust discussion.<p>I'm an ENTP/ENFP on Myers-Briggs personality tests and thus I do tend to get very enthusiastic about ideas, bombard people with questions and point out any issues I observe. This is just how I learn but can be annoying for people unless they know me so I try temper my behaviour. I'm from England where the workplace can still be a little more reserved.
joelhaus大约 13 年前
<i>"Seek first to understand, then to be understood."</i> - Habit 5 of Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People[1].<p>Trusted, influential and successful communicators are trained to engage with people this way. It's less about "thinking" before you speak, than what the intentions are behind your interactions with others... are you seeking first to understand or to be understood? Everyone wants to be understood, and when you consistently give them that, you get much more in return.<p>Another case of common sense being not all that common. If you're like me, then you too need to make this a conscious pursuit.<p>[1] <a href="https://www.stephencovey.com/7habits/7habits-habit5.php" rel="nofollow">https://www.stephencovey.com/7habits/7habits-habit5.php</a>
draggnar大约 13 年前
This relates quite closely to the idea of thinking "fast" and "slow" as proposed by Daniel Kahneman. Here is an interview from the other night: <a href="http://www.charlierose.com/view/interview/12185" rel="nofollow">http://www.charlierose.com/view/interview/12185</a><p>The basic idea is that our brains have two methods of thinking, first on intuition, like when we are driving a car. Natural reactions based on intuition are very powerful, but the flip side is that they are often wrong and we won't realize we are making a mistake. That takes going into the second mode of thought, thinking "slow". It is important to realize when to step back from the intuition of fast thinking to the rationality of slow thinking.
RyanMcGreal大约 13 年前
&#62; Asking questions means you want to know. Ask more questions.<p>Just make sure they're real, good-faith questions, not booby traps.
smountcastle大约 13 年前
This is really difficult sometimes. I wholeheartedly agree with Jason about giving new ideas some time (and thought). Most people are resistant to change and their immediate reaction is to reject new and/or novel ideas. Some ideas take days of rumination before you fully grasp the implications so you just have to take the time to let them sink-in.
ronnoles大约 13 年前
Am I the only one who's really tired of the 37signals people tossing their dime-store philosophy on us?
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pazimzadeh大约 13 年前
There is a French expression for this: "Tourner sept fois sa langue dans sa bouche" or "Turn your tongue in your mouth seven times before speaking."<p><a href="http://french.about.com/od/vocabulary/a/7foissalangue.htm" rel="nofollow">http://french.about.com/od/vocabulary/a/7foissalangue.htm</a>
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jinhwang大约 13 年前
That's solid advice. AND it JUST happened to me. Another entrepreneur with ZERO credibility in the space that I'm operating in flat out told me that another company is ALWAYS going to deliver a feature better than we are. My knee-jerk thought was "Who do you think you are? Jeff Bezos?" I disagreed and later said I would think about options.<p>I should get into the habit of stepping back and absorbing what just happened or what was just said. Although I still disagree with the delivery of the message, I do see some insightful gems from the casual conversation. And you always have to have thick skin in the startup game. Nay-sayers are everywhere but there is wisdom all around you. You always need to listen for it.
bostonvaulter2大约 13 年前
This advice reminds me of "The Soak". Here's an excerpt:<p>Back to the original flame mail from your friend. You’ve received these before and you know the absolute wrong thing to do is immediately respond. Of course, your animal brain is dying to do so because IT FEELS SO GOOD TO PUNCH BACK, but it’s never the right move because your animal brain is defending itself, it’s not resolving anything other than proving BOY CAN I PUNCH BACK OR WHAT? My advice regarding flame-o-grams and hard decisions is the same. Sleep on it.<p><a href="http://www.randsinrepose.com/archives/2006/04/05/the_soak.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.randsinrepose.com/archives/2006/04/05/the_soak.ht...</a>
fourmii大约 13 年前
I think this is a pretty simple but important little piece of advice. I am certainly guilty of speaking before thinking a lot of times. In the day of 140 characters, blogs and a steady stream of self-anointed 'expert' bloggers and media pundits, you don't get too many examples of the eloquent thinker. I'm glad I came across this post, as it applies to my actions, in professional and certainly in private life. Thanks again Jason!
sankalpk大约 13 年前
Imagine an environment where you did TWO things: 1) You gave your opinion immediately without fear for others thinking of you as an asshole. 2) You thought about it for more than 5 minutes later. You might even think about it for hours later that night.<p>It's not one or the other. Both are very important. I've seen more annoying and bureaucratic things happen because people are too afraid to say what they think. Not because people think too less.
robinjfisher大约 13 年前
It’s great advice. When somebody is talking, people are very rarely listening. They’re waiting to speak or preparing their next argument. By doing that, you don’t hear what the other person is saying and more often than not misinterpret what they are saying.<p>It’s a skill I’m still learning and it’s a combination of patience, humility (I’m not always right) and a desire to learn (other people will know more and have better ideas than me).
tikhon大约 13 年前
As recounted in Carnegie's classic book: When General Meade squandered a great opportunity to capture General Lee and his army after the Battle of Gettysburg, Lincoln wrote a harsh letter to Meade. The letter was found after Lincoln's death, still in his desk drawer, never sent.<p><a href="http://www.lettersneversent.com/pages/about/index.php" rel="nofollow">http://www.lettersneversent.com/pages/about/index.php</a>
Chirag大约 13 年前
If I get a negative remark, I usually take a step back, kind of like a out of body view, and see if there is any validity, if there is truth in the remark, I thank the person and ask questions; else I just smile.<p>Some people mistake a smile for agreement and I use smile to put a full stop to the argument. In my limited experience I have seen there is no point winning a pointless argument :)
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emehrkay大约 13 年前
Great stuff. I dont blog, but I want to. I recently came to the conclusion that I don't think about things enough, I dont form an opinion.<p>I read a lot of stuff and wonder how the author came up with what they wrote or how they managed to piece two points together that otherwise would have seemed unrelated. The answer is as simple as they gave it five minutes.
yepreally大约 13 年前
I think 5 minutes is too little time when you've taken offense to something. A day is usually the right amount. For idea consideration, I think 5 minutes may not be enough for some and may be too much for others.
duncancarroll大约 13 年前
To see a post like this is both satisfying and depressing.<p>Satisfying because it's always good to see someone learn an important life lesson.<p>Depressing because I know far too many smart people with zero humility. It's such. a. shame.
techiferous大约 13 年前
Reminds me of this Zen koan: <a href="http://www.ashidakim.com/zenkoans/1acupoftea.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.ashidakim.com/zenkoans/1acupoftea.html</a>
stretchwithme大约 13 年前
Very true.<p>Commit your grievance to whatever system you use for reminders and take a walk around the block, comforted in the knowledge that it is in the queue.
vlokshin大约 13 年前
If you give this article 5 minutes AFTER you read this article, it's like... extremely honest and... awesome.
funkah大约 13 年前
At the same time, the world is full of ideas, and a pretty tiny fraction of them are any good. The world feels especially full of ideas these days, since a lot of folks now fancy themselves "creatives" (that is, people who come up with ideas without having to get into the yucky business of actually executing on them).<p>Here's the real challenge: What deserves your five minutes in the first place? Many intellectually bankrupt ideas benefit from the notion that both sides of an argument should be considered. This is partially why we have dumb ideas like "intelligent design" floating around -- they get their oxygen from the mistaken notion that both sides should be considered, when in truth the issue is much more one-sided, or should be. <i>Because</i> ideas have power, there is an incentive to pitch such ideas and to persuade others with them, however hollow they may be on examination. There is value in talking about "clean coal", even though no such thing actually exists in the world.<p>You can't waste five minutes of your life every time someone says their ideas at you. So, what do you do? I suppose my approach is to try to develop a filter, to try to focus on things that are actually worth thinking about. But honing that filter is a challenge in itself, trying to keep oneself intellectually honest, trying not to indulge in parochialism. This is a tough subject, there are no easy answers.
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drats大约 13 年前
Six days ago, during the last HN cycle of 37signals blog/marketing, I said that I thought they were desperate to prove that their path was so awesome because there was tension about not getting acquired and not really working on anything world-changing (<a href="http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=3629729" rel="nofollow">http://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=3629729</a>). I think this post of introspection from 37S supports my point. It confirms that all the other 37 Signals stuff was part of their program of constantly churning out contrarian pablum because it's good marketing, because people (young men usually) like to do that and because they have this uncertainty about them which needs to be masked with an aggressive stance.<p>Whatever the past reasons for posting I welcome this blog, if it's genuine, because it might be the first signal of a change from the usual blogspam from 37 signals that magically makes it's way to the HN front-page on a regular basis.
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