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The Socially Awkward Founder

50 点作者 mstump大约 13 年前

12 条评论

Mz大约 13 年前
My two sons are ASD -- aka extremely socially awkward, especially my oldest. It is their good fortune that I happen to be unusually socially observant and, at times, reasonably smooth (when my health issues aren't fostering research for a future book called "How to win enemies and alienate people"). Some things that helped:<p>Addressing underlying health issues.<p>Shadowing -- i.e. watching me do stuff first, learning by example.<p>Apprenticing -- an extension of shadowing where they took over pieces of the process as they became comfortable with them and I filled in any gaps until they had the whole thing down pat.<p>I also started an email list at one time tailored to an interest my oldest son had. With the assurance that mom had his back because I was the moderator, he bloomed and rapidly became the life of the party. He finally got to share with other people the sparkle I had long known and adored. Having experienced it once, he became capable of sometimes turning on the charm for the crowd. Most people still are not privy to it but it is because most of the time he just doesn't care.<p>Best of luck to everyone struggling with this.
delinka大约 13 年前
Nodding gets me into trouble. It's made me a "good listener" to quote many people from my personal history. I start nodding, people keep talking. It takes an external interruption to get me out of the situation. And that's where I feel I'm 'socially awkward.' I get along with people just fine, but I find getting out of undesirable situations to be a Hard Problem.<p>Empathy. This is the root of the problem. I'm an American male with empathy. That's not a complaint, but an important observation of critical self-analysis.
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navs大约 13 年前
Thank you for this. I partly own and run a website dedicated to New Zealand Modeling and Fashion. We have high hopes of turning it into something more which is where I come in as a developer. Unfortunately, as part owner, I have to attend meetings made up of photographers, models and the general hipster crowd. How utterly painful for me. I haven't found a way around my social ineptitude and am open to suggestions that especially fit my situation. At present my technique involves drinking a few beers before attempting to start any conversation.
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wtvanhest大约 13 年前
I'm not sure if I read this somewhere or if someone told me about this, but I think your system is a good beginning but could be improved by adding a few steps.<p>I use this formula when I am tired, but still need to network, and it works exceptionally well.<p>1) Start with exactly what you said, asking questions about the person. When you find something they are interested in, move to step 2.++<p>2) Tell a brief story. Make sure it has a beginning, middle and an end.+<p>3) Introduce them to someone else, and tell the new person about the old person’s interests to get them involved in the conversation.<p>The toughest part is step 2 and requires practice, you might as well start now. Every time you are out, practice by telling stories. The shorter the better and always have a beginning, a middle and an end.<p>+As an escape, if you tell a crappy story and you can sense it, you can always joke about how it was a crappy story. It isn’t perfect, but usually that will buy you some respect/time.<p>++ If you ask the person too many questions about them without telling a story you will notice they will start to back off. People who are socially strong may not mind as they will understand you are nervous and will intentionally give you a break, but this is not the norm.<p>[EDIT] It is important that the story you tell relates to what that person is talking about.
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gavanwoolery大约 13 年前
Actually, I would say you should NOT try to develop people skills. If you are a technical guy, your work will speak for you. By all means, be friendly to anyone who talks to you, but don't go out of your way to improve your social skills, because they are not your most valuable asset.<p>Being an introvert is not a bad thing.<p>I strongly recommend reading this:<p><a href="http://www.carlkingdom.com/10-myths-about-introverts" rel="nofollow">http://www.carlkingdom.com/10-myths-about-introverts</a><p>(Particularly #10)
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cpfohl大约 13 年前
Good post. Have you read Dale Carnegie's "How to Win Friends and Influence People." Did wonders for me...
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kijin大约 13 年前
&#62; <i>Just walk up, listen to the conversation, occasionally node...</i><p>I was confused for a few seconds there, trying to conjure up an image of a socially awkward founder desperately behaving like a node that belongs in a network.<p>Typo aside, nodding is a godsend if you don't want to (or don't know how to) participate actively in group talk but you also don't want to look like you're indifferent. Just nod at appropriate moments. Nod if you agree. Nod even if you disagree, it shows you're paying attention.<p>Heck, it's even OK to nod because you're falling asleep. People will want to know what kind of fantastic thing you built last night that made you lose so much sleep. (If not, it still gives you a perfect excuse to ditch the boring group and go grab some coffee.)
follower大约 13 年前
I have no idea how it appears to other people but my personal approach is to not say my name or ask for names when I first meet a person.<p>Unless you have developed the skill to remember names, you're most likely going to forget it in a second--and then you just have to ask for it again later!<p>Instead, I prefer to have a great conversation with someone and <i>then</i> ask them for their name once I have something to which I can attach it.<p>I find this reduces the pressure/anxiety at the beginning of a conversation as I can focus on what the person is saying instead of trying to memorise their name.<p>Well, it's been great talking about succeeding in social situations as an introvert. By the way, I'm Philip, what's your name..?
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zerostar07大约 13 年前
<i>just keep them talking, they’ll eventually bring the conversation around to something that is dear to them</i><p>It's painful to pretend to show interest then. I can only talk about thinks i am thoroughly interested in (and i talk <i>a lot</i> then), or I can analyze a minor detail or bring up lots of trivia (i know lots of them) to divert the conversation. I don't exactly pass as a talker that way, but at least people don't think i lack confidence.
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vibrunazo大约 13 年前
&#62; Start out easy. [..] Just stick out your hand, smile slightly, and say “Hi<p>Question: How do I get the courage to get that far?
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blueLight大约 13 年前
See "How to Win Friends and Influence People" for a more complete discussion on this technique :)<p><a href="http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/0671723650" rel="nofollow">http://www.amazon.com/How-Win-Friends-Influence-People/dp/06...</a>
alan大约 13 年前
Tried to read the page, but it kept jumping back to the top on my android phone. Could not make it through the first paragraph.