The Experiences of U.S. Adults Who Don't Have Children

Almost all the reasons apply to me, except that presumably I&#x27;m still fertile (for now)<p>Basically grew up in a small isolated nuclear family. Mom and dad hated each other. Dad only wanted one kid and to sleep with other women. Mom wanted to be unhappy and passed that personality trait on to me. My siblings were all older and tried to escape our parents as fast as possible<p>So kinda grew up as an only child with a lot of independence inside the house but nowhere to go and no visible examples of what &quot;normal&quot; families look like<p>Around college one of my siblings had a kid by accident and it was obviously a huge strain on them, financially, mentally, etc. There are some things you simply cannot do once you realize someone is pregnant and keeping it<p>So after college nothing changed. I never developed that healthy adult friendship people talk about having with their families. My parents made no effort to not be cut off, so... I just quit talking to them little by little. We have nothing in common, as if I picked a stranger off the street and tried to befriend them.<p>So now it&#x27;s like, why? When programming pays great, when there&#x27;s more hobbies and travel experiences I want, when more money is <i>always</i> nice to have, when there&#x27;s more people I want to love and I barely even feel like a real adult in my 30s... Why have kids?<p>It would cost me more than I could bear

Is there any way to have a productive conversation about what we, as a theoretical interdependent society, should do (or not) to encourage (or deter) people from having kids?<p>It’s one of those topics where there’s a lot of data but most people have a position and whatever counter data is provided is typically discarded as irrelevant.<p>For example plenty would argue about whether having a child so “someone takes care of you when you’re older” or “so you’re not lonely” is a valid reason to have a child at all.<p>And on and on with no foundational agreement on what the outcomes or impacts of social demands on major individual life decisions should be promoted or even allowed legally.<p>This is again despite a lot of data about what happens when cultures are either coerced into a fertility management programs (one child program , forced sterilization in the south etc), or let people freely choose and the waxing and waning of populations and societies historically documented since antiquity