Ask HN: Hacking your brain after trauma and mental health crisis?

22 点作者 gremlinsinc7 个月前

This is very personal, and something I'm trying to figure out. I'm finding executive function hard to come by these days.Timeline of events:- March 1st I separated from my wife 18 years. - March 28th, my mom died. - April 7th met someone who'd become a unhealthy relationship (trauma bond) - May 30th divorce finalized - June 1st (trauma bond disintegration began) - June 14th (Grandma who raised me dies).I'm 44, so there may be a midlife crisis involved. I'm semi-transient living with roommates, after a stint in cheap motels.Mental health:- High Functioning Borderline Personality Disorder (diagnosed this year), - ASD (undiagnosed - suspected by my therapist), - Major Depressive Disorder, Obsessive - Limerencing, ADHD (Inattentive).Finances: Able to program, unable to focus, was doordashing but lost my car last week (engine).Strategies so far:- Make new friends (I had zero support network, zero friends, zero family that isn't my ex-wife and kids). - Do activities like: Volleyball, karaoke with local singles, etc. - Therapy - Journaling (I journal into a GPT relationship coach custom gpt and it's been very insightful and when I want to send an email to the object of my affection ... I just send it to the bot first and it talks me out of it and convinces me its a bad idea and walks me through coping skills.)Goals / Plans:- Move to SLC, culture is different than St George and I think it'll be good for me, still close enough to see my kids regularly. - Start a drone business or agency, drone would be my pick as it'd be a hobby kind of too and keep me more interested. Plus I'm a bit burned out on web stuff. ON the other hand my wheelhouse is digital marketing and web dev so a digital agency would be easier to start probably. - Waiting on inheritance to pull plug on businesses. - Trying to stay afloat till then. - Fix credit that's gone to hell the past 2 years.I go through cycles where i feel good, and like I'm 'coming to my senses', and everything makes sense... but then I hit a wall and I start going back to bad habits.My mental health goals involve: Ditch people pleasing behaviors, set boundaries, learn to pace relationships (don't fall or limerence too hard until compatibility checks out), learn secure attachment, work on DBT skills until they're second nature, receive Ketamine treatment.-------------------------I think I have a good ...plan or framework...but I'm also spiraling a lot lately, and if anybody's been in something similar, I could really use advice on what you did to ... survive.I don't want to go too dark, but ideation has been at a level 9 some days towards the beginning and up til August.I could really just use advice, tips, resources (mentally, emotionally, physically, or financial). If I can make it to inheritance, I'm thinking I'm going to take a trip to Europe or something fun to just reset myself then start a business with the remainder - mostly hiring sales people to close sales and find new business.Not sure if this is approved here but my main question: How have you hacked your brain to survive trauma, and mental health crisis?

15 条评论

runjake7 个月前

You've been diagnosed with mental health disorders, so any plan you create should involve guidance from mental health professionals with no exceptions.That said, know that what you are experiencing is NORMAL and that many of the rest of us are or have had very similar struggles and there is a path forward and there IS sunshine on the other side.In terms of my own experiences with grieving dying parents and murdered friends (within months of each other, oddly enough), it's taken me years to get beyond what I would consider "severe grief". It still affects me quite a bit, but I've learned to manage it and put it in perspective. There is no fast track out of it. It seems to just take time.

AnimalMuppet7 个月前

I've never lived in St. George. But I think it's different from SLC... but not that different. SLC is bigger, less LDS, but still heavily culturally influenced by them. Also, it's a lot colder. That can affect you, especially in the winter months. (Also, it sits in this valley, and the air pollution builds up there.)I don't know where else would be physically close that would be better, though. Las Vegas is its own bundle of cultural pathologies. Grand Junction? Barstow/Victorville/San Bernardino?Wherever you go, you're going to need to make some contacts and turn them into friends. Well, you have the starting point - contacts - in St. George. I would carefully think through who you know, even as acquaintances, there in St. George, and think honestly about how hard it would be to replace them, and how much more adrift you'd be without them.

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clickzyn7 个月前

Hi Gremlinsinc, First of all, I'm impressed, you're a real fighter . Everyone is different, so it's possible that my approach might not fit perfectly with what you need.Usually, when I want to get through trauma, I stay occupied with activities that I love and give myself time (sometimes several years). I'm introverted, so I recharge my batteries by doing activities like running, learning a new language or skill, cooking, or cleaning. Once my batteries are recharged, I'm able to accept that I'm human and it's normal to experience these emotions.My next step is similar to what you did in this message. If the trauma is too big, I share my thoughts and reflections with people I trust. When they share their thoughts, I only take what I think fits my situation.For me, it takes time and effort to work through trauma. I stay patient, trust the process, and keep fighting. I love fighting .

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_rm7 个月前

If you can get the money together for it, consider putting a significant block of travel at the top of the list. For some people it can have an absolutely transformative effect on mental health.

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not_your_vase7 个月前

I see some high level similarities with my life, but I can't give real advice, just a thought, that you should take with a handful of salt (like anything else on the internet): break up your problems, and concentrate on 1 of them at a time (with full force), until it is solved. If you try to get rid of all your issues at one time, that will just leave all of them at place.One thing that hits a bit too close to home is "unable to focus" - this is a killer. I don't know how impactful this is on you, but I had this, and it was destroying me. I couldn't focus on anything for longer than 10 minutes, and it took me a huge effort forcing myself to sit down, and code for 2+ hours without major disractions.

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lupex7 个月前

I had to go through similar challenges and had found good help in a mental health retreat.You can find some on <a href="https://recovery.com/" rel="nofollow">https://recovery.com/</a>If you can afford it, I can personally recommend <a href="https://thetreehousethailand.com/" rel="nofollow">https://thetreehousethailand.com/</a>

textread7 个月前

> a trip to EuropeDo it! dont wait. A change of location will reboot your brain. Trekking, Swimming, Sunburn will give you some much needed break.Its easier to aquaint with new people when you are traveling. I am sure you know of all these things already. I just wanted to confirm that your idea of travelling is the right medicine.

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ashu14617 个月前

<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/56614591-trauma" rel="nofollow">https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/56614591-trauma</a>This book is a very good read.

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cbluth7 个月前

I know st George, and SLC. Personally, I would get the hell out dodge

Cypher7 个月前

Oh I'm going through something so so similar. No inheritance to fall back on but that's fine. The main thing that keeps me going is a strong belief the future will get better.

rkowal7 个月前

You should definitely try EMDR - Eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy - it works very well and should help you

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codingwagie7 个月前

Try the keto diet.Just eat rib eye steaks, eggs, green veggies, and avocado.Just do it for 3 days. See how you feel

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devonsolomon7 个月前

Check out the Metabolic Mind YouTube channel.

mmooss7 个月前

What an incredible mountain you've climbed this year. Whatever shape you're in, it's amazing you are still finding ways to care for yourself. People who haven't been through hard times don't understand what an incredible task it is.Next year can't possibly have so much trauma. As the spring's trauma recedes a little, and relative stability becomes the norm, I hope the context for everything else in life is not this incredible disruption and chaos, and maybe it will make everything easier to deal with. I can tell you things that have helped me; I hope they help you:I know the most important lesson I learned is to be your own best friend, your own family, your own support. That doesn't exclude others, but you need to be the primary person you can depend on for love and support; be absolutely loyal, always there for yourself; then even when all else is in doubt, nothing can take away your primary partner. That requires compassion for your humanity and believing in your own value, regardless of what others say, regardless of having a very good day or very bad one (especially on the latter days). There's no doubt you deserve it. Look what you've overcome just this year.Another lesson I learned is that I do unhealthy things because I have a genuine healthy need, but just bad ways to address it. Learn healthy coping that is effective - those needs really deserve love and help. Then don't beat yourself up when the bad habits resurface - you're human - just see them as a signal: there are some real needs right now and I need to take care of them, and here are some healthy ways. Again, have compassion for the needs and for your very human response to them.I also try to remember, on the most difficult days: Do good in hard times. Just take a small step forward, stick to the program even when I can't remember why I'm doing it, and when the hard time ends I not only have made some progress, I feel far more confidence - instead of being depressed by the negative cycle - and that propels me forward.Like I said, most people don't understand - in fact, I think they are a little afraid of - just how much you have overcome............. I know I'm not really addressing the practical issues, but in my experience, if I take care of the emotional ones then the practical things become far easier. But could you get an advance on your inheritence or part of it? Certainly you have very good reasons for asking!I hope everything gets better and better as you get further away from last spring.

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peacechance7 个月前

I suggest seeking out therapists who work with veterans and do MDMA Assisted Therapy. Search around and ask for them. The MDMA will shut of your amygdala for 7 hours so you can have long talks with the therapists without your body experiencing fear/anxiety. You'll be able to efficiently get through talking about your traumatic experiences and experience a healthy reconnection with the therapists while in a peaceful state full of endorphins and oxytocin. You'll reconnect with the good inside yourself and humanity. I resolved my PTSD diagnosis this way and it gor me back on track.