The Perfect Compliment

Kind of an odd article, the writer spends the first part of it trying to come up with compliments, which usually fail.<p>Instead of manufacturing a compliment, just pay attention and realize what you think looks nice, what you like, or what you think is cool. Instead of holding back and not saying anything, which I think is what a lot of us do, tell them.<p>If the person has a funny shirt on and it brightens your day, say 'I really like your shirt.'<p>Instead of trying to compliment somebody, just try to appreciate them, and then relax enough to tell them what you appreciate.<p>A compliment you manufacture for the sake of giving a compliment will probably come across as stilted and fake.

On a completely different level of mundanity, here are 3 beautiful compliments:<p><i>Jon Stewart to SpaceX founder Elon Musk:</i> You have invented a rocket, and a spaceship on the rocket, and you've launched this into orbit already, and brought it back. The four entities that have done that are: the United States, China, the Soviet Union, and Elon Musk.<p><i>Peter Forbes to physicist David Deutsch:</i> To read him is to experience the thrill of the highest level of discourse available on this planet and to understand it.<p><i>Cicero to historian Thucydides:</i> He so concentrates his copious material that he almost matches the number of his words with the number of his thoughts. In his words, further, he is so apposite and compressed that you do not know whether his matter is being illuminated by his diction or his words by his thoughts.

I have noticed women tend to give a lot of empty compliments, and I have seen it more with women than men. I think this article is trying to get away from basic straightforward compliments with something more crafted, but it seems like the (rushed) conclusion was that something genuine that feels like it just had to be said is the best compliment.<p>Then the other day my husband and I went to the bagel place down the street and he randomly told a guy in a Pink Floyd t-shirt "great shirt" with a genuine smile to which the guy responded "thanks, I like it too". This really surprised me because my husband isn't extroverted at all and especially not before a cup of coffee. In fact, I don't think I'd ever seen him randomly strike up a conversation with a stranger. Its something I'm more likely to do. And then 10 minutes later as we sat outside this strange came out carrying our order and said with a jolly laugh, "where's my tip?" before heading to his car.<p>Something happened there, they connected and it felt nice. And I was just the observer.<p>We sat and talked about the interaction a bit, because we are in the suburbs before and pondering whether it was due to the fact that people in the city half expect you to be crazy but maybe our new town was different. If feel like I am still detoxing from living in SOMA for 2 years, but it reminded me just to be more friendly and open to people.<p>So maybe the best compliment is just one that is simple, well meant, and not overly personal or threatening. It sure felt good in that interaction, not at all like the shallow "nice shirt" exchanges amount women in Barneys or the creepy "nice shirt" exchanges with men walking by me on my way home from work.

I think a good compliment comes from your understanding of a person and in general you don't know enough about a stranger from a few seconds' observation to be able to make a meaningful one. And to follow a stranger so you can compliment them is just creepy in my opinion.

I get suspicious when someone compliments me. I guess for me, sarcasm and irony are both the rule, rather than the exception when it comes to "compliments".

I am surprised by the negativity in here. I was really impressed by the article because I know what it's like to feel dumb just after you've said something to a stranger.<p>Rather than contrived, it seemed to me that the author pushed himself to find something that he genuinely liked. Sure he gave compliments that he wouldn't have given before, and that's artificial. On the other hand, his natural tendency to compliment certainly increased over the course of the venture, so I think that artificiality served a fine purpose.<p>I think the effort the author put in probably took him from hour 5 to hour 15 on his road to 10,000 compliment-hours and mastery. Fear of failure is the surest way to stifle success.<p>It's rare for me to feel challenged by such a light fluffy piece. I'm not sure I could do what he did.

There's a case here in the Seattle area where a guy was put in a coma after complimenting another guys rims: damanlehman.com<p>Given the multitude of ways a compliment may be taken, I tend to only give them to people I know. And even then with great care.

Interesting.. I like the way, you spent time and attention on details of the person you're observing and/or complimenting. Both time and attention being the most rarefied resources nowadays. Reminded me of the quote " the best gift, you can give somebody is your undivided attention"

So, comments based on people's superficial appearance usually fail, while actual compliments about something particular that a person takes pride in usually succeed, and by trying a lot you become more perceptive and compassionate in noticing these things.

Meh I hate such compliments. A compliment like this is not one.<p>It's empty. It's just a "look i'm cool and nice I say something nice <i>just</i> <i>to</i> <i>say</i> <i>something</i> <i>nice</i>"<p>I dislike when I hear those. On mean days, I'd often go "oh, thanks! so what's so good about my shoes compared to yours?"<p>And the person has no clue. They usually don't even come up with a lie, like "I like the shade/tint" or "the logos are awesome" or what not.<p>Because, again, it was empty and had no meaning. Generally, they did <i>not</i> like the shoes. They just "wanted to be nice". Happened that the shoes/umbrella/whatever weren't 100% usual, but they did not find anything they <i>liked</i>. Oh so wrong.

You can't really go wrong with 'I like your hair.'

More often then not saying something isn't required. A simple smile can be a day brightening compliment.

Strangely looks like <a href="http://jonmillward.com/blog/psychological-subtleties/the-anatomy-of-a-compliment-and-art-of-giving-one/" rel="nofollow">http://jonmillward.com/blog/psychological-subtleties/the-ana...</a>

Reminds me of when I did the Rejection Therapy challenge[1] (the game forces you to interact with strangers and get rejected). The trick for me was to try and find context in the situation - a shared experience we could both relate to that was non personal.<p>For example, if it's in line at a grocery store, I'd make a joke about the trash tabloids that are set up as an impulse buy. It's a safe way to start a convo, and a lot more natural sounding.<p>[1] <a href="http://rejectiontherapy.com/rules/" rel="nofollow">http://rejectiontherapy.com/rules/</a>

"You are beautiful... to me"