I began lucid dreaming at the same instant that I began having sleep paralysis about 20 years ago, at age 9. I had a vivid dream, which I still remember in great detail, in which I was in a graveyard and was cursed by a ghost due to the actions of my grandfather.<p>I woke up from the dream in a state of sleep paralysis, and predictably tried screaming but to no avail. Since then, I would lucid dream at least a few times a week for many years. I would also constantly get sleep paralysis and night terrors. The night terrors were nothing new, I'd had them for as long as I can remember. But they would consistently occur when I was in sleep paralysis.<p>During paralysis, before falling asleep or after waking up, I would hallucinate beings entering my room, shuffling things around, staring at me, touching me and speaking to me. I've been visited by ghosts, people, giant spiders, the grim reaper, succubi, elves, all sorts of things. Usually there is a great feeling of terror or impending doom. Sometimes I'm told specific things or asked to do favors for the beings.<p>It's easy to see how people would mistake these incidents for real encounters with otherworldly beings during a time when science was less advanced. In fact, my Catholic guardians were convinced, and still are, that I was possessed by Satan. I never received help for my night terrors, which largely exist because of childhood torture by my guardians in the first place. My grandfather would shake me violently and tell me that Satan was inside of me and that I would never have the capacity to love another person, and that my nightmares and "possession" were a result of letting Satan in my heart.<p>Eventually I realized that I was having lucid dreams and sleep paralysis far, far more often when I would sleep on my back. In my youth, sleeping on my side hurt and so I was stuck constantly having sleep paralysis. I developed a Pavlovian response to sleeping which fed into an already severe insomnia.<p>I'm now a 30-year-old adult who still suffers from insomnia and constantly has nightmares about missing the bus, experiencing childhood abuse, being persecuted by police, being at school, etc. My dreams have become a window into childhood trauma where I continually get retraumatized and trigger flashbacks. However, because I often lucid dream, these dreams also afford me a chance to explore these traumas and experience control and safety in situations when I felt like I had neither. Also, I now cannot sleep on my back almost ever due to degenerative spine disease, and other chronic pains keep me up all night, so the nightmares happen a little less frequently. Silver linings.<p>I think there is so much potential in the therapeutic application of lucid dreaming and I would love to figure out a way to use my knowledge and skill with lucid dreaming to help others.