1. Don't worry, even if Canada retaliates with their own tariffs, we'll just buy from Mexico, and Canada will be left out in the cold, jealous of our success.<p>2. Don't worry, even if Mexico retaliates with their own tariffs, we'll just buy from China, leaving Mexico and Canada out in the cold, jealous of our success.<p>3. Don't worry, even if China retaliates with their own tariffs, we'll just buy from the EU, leaving China and Mexico and Canada out in the cold, jealous of our success.<p>4. Don't worry, even if the EU retaliates with their own tariffs, we'll just buy from... Hold up, what happened to our four biggest trading partners and over half of all the trade we were doing? Well, their loss.<p>...<p>96. Okay, Azerbaijan, you'd better give us a <i>really good deal</i> right now, or else we'll take our business to Turkmenistan, and you'll have nobody to trade with except basically everyone else!