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How my ADHD makes handling relationships difficult

23 点作者 aaronyarborough20 天前

10 条评论

rchaud19 天前
I wish this guy the best, but a &quot;technology solution&quot; is not going to be able to address the psychological burden of RSD, nor the executive functioning issues of ADHD. An Airtable sheet with a &quot;Mark as Contacted&quot; flag is something a business analyst would come up with after speaking to an person with ADHD.<p>RSD can&#x27;t be solved 100%. At best, you can give yourself some guidance on how to resume contact with someone:<p>1) When was the last time I was in touch with this person?<p>2) How would I rate my relationship with them on a scale of 1-10 -- this is important because in adulthood friendships can fade even if nobody did anything wrong<p>3) Why do I feel they would not want to hear from me?<p>4) List 3 light topics of conversation that are low-risk, and choose one to reach out with. That can help reduce the internal resistance, which is a key factor in RSD.
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jmathai20 天前
I haven’t been diagnosed with ADHD and this isn’t a particular weak spot for me but even I can relate. I find it most hard when there’s a mismatch in reciprocity.<p>I enjoy learning from posts like this because it can help identify patterns I might not have otherwise noticed. From there I can do something.<p>Something I do periodically is scroll my iMessages and see if there are conversations that have been dormant longer than I’d like. If so, I try to think of something to resurrect the thread.
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rorylaitila19 天前
Virtually every email and text message I write (particularly when I&#x27;m initiating) comes with some dose of anxiety, except with immediate family. I don&#x27;t know if it rises to the level of RSD, but in certain situations with close friends, I&#x27;ve had panic attack level of anxiety. My coping mechanism is to tell myself &quot;the best I can do is good enough and if not, that&#x27;s on them&quot; and force myself to just lob messages, like little grenades.<p>However because I have a lot of 2nd and 3rd level relationships to keep in contact with (for business) the stress can accumulate. My technical solution was to create my own CRM (<a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;humancrm.io" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;humancrm.io</a>) that is entirely oriented around follow ups with important people. It helps me quickly process follow ups and remove the analysis paralysis.<p>I also am told all the time &quot;Thanks for following up, I am so bad at it&quot; - so I&#x27;ve just accepted that a lot of people feel the same way and I&#x27;m going to have to make the first move.
a5c1119 天前
Spoiler alert: building up notifications from the reminding app will end up just like building up notifications from messengers. The author basically proxied notifications, which won&#x27;t help him with his issues.
astrange20 天前
&gt; Recently I&#x27;ve been doing a lot of reading and thinking around developing mechanisms to help with all this, and I stumbled on another term that may be familiar to those familiar with ADHD, too: Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria (or RSD)<p>It should be noted that this is just a term one guy made up, and isn&#x27;t medically accepted as an ADHD symptom.<p>Of course it is a legitimate thing that happens to people.
mdberkey14 天前
As someone with ADHD-PI, I&#x27;ve dealt with this as well. What&#x27;s helped me a lot is using the GTD technique (<a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;hamberg.no&#x2F;gtd" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;hamberg.no&#x2F;gtd</a>) and making sure to add &quot;respond to X&quot; to my &quot;In&quot; list. It&#x27;s not perfect and sometimes it still takes me a while to respond, but at least I eventually get to it.
codelikeawolf19 天前
There might already be something out there that can help with this. I haven&#x27;t tried it, but I&#x27;ve been meaning to: <a href="https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.monicahq.com&#x2F;" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.monicahq.com&#x2F;</a>
Spunkie19 天前
I believe the initial not quickly replying is also in itself a type of coping mechanism to try to hang on to any possibility of having productive days.<p>I know if I &quot;just replied quickly&quot; to all of my personal text in a day I would almost never get any work done, and my circle of friends&#x2F;family isn&#x27;t even particularly large.<p>But yeah... once the initial chance to reply passes it quickly turns into anxiety&#x2F;dread&#x2F;avoidance. ADHD is a tough one to rangle, especially unmedicated.
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hcfman19 天前
It gets a lot easier if you trim down the number of relationships you actually want to maintain.<p>There&#x27;s my partner. Heck, now I&#x27;m almost full!
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cornhole20 天前
I felt the same way until I took antidepressants and stopped giving a shit. It’s really amazing to see how the situations that gave me anxiety was not a big deal at all.
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