Ask: My girlfriend is much smarter than I, how do I manage?

Go see a psychologist. Truly, for just asking this question. Not just for male superiority but because of some narcissistic tendency that you think you are supposed to be smarter then her.<p>I can assure you that no matter how smart you think you are, women will always be smarter then you; especially if it's an argument.<p>You're not even giving us a baseline of what 'smarts' is in your definition. I've dated women who were seemingly less intelligent and yet had more street-smarts and social-intelligence then I could ever hope to have. Intelligence isn't just being able to do fancy math with long equations. If you needed to fix your car and she knew how to do it and you were clueless, then she'd be smarter then you. Everyone has strengths, everyone has weaknesses. This isn't exactly ground-breaking information either (or really shouldn't be).

I am jealous as hell. :)<p>To answer your question, the most useful two pieces of advice I've received are:<p>(1) <i>Your attention is enough</i>. Just be interested in her, pay attention to her, enjoy the experience.<p>(2) <i>Don't be afraid of rejection</i>. Will she dump you? Sure, it's possible. I've been dumped before. But if so it likely won't be because you made a mistake. Don't try to predict what will happen, just go for it. If things grow, great, if they don't, you'll still be glad you had the experience.

I'd say my partner is smarter than I am (in many ways anyway). She's managed to put up with me for... gosh... nearly eighteen years now. So I'd count that as a win :-)<p>Personally I love being around people who are smarter than I am in one area or another. You never make progress in life if you don't challenge yourself. K challenges me all the time. It's a good thing.<p>Why would it be a problem?<p>(In fact have some general advice - not relationship advice. If you are "used to be the smartest guys around" - then change your location. You are statistically unlikely to be the smartest person on the planet. If you're not hanging around with people you find as smart or smarter on one dimension or another then that may have more to do with where you feel comfortable. You don't get better by staying somewhere where you're already on top.)

Being "smart" is relative. In what area is she smart? There are many types of intelligence. MMA fighters or Bikers are physically smart, musicians are smart in terms of auditory senses and so and so forth.<p>In a relationship, as applies to any other aspect in life, we have our roles to play. One major pitfall is to compare each other and make up for your weakness instead of focusing and honing your strengths.<p>Assuming you have a healthy relationship, her being "smart" doesn't mean anything and should not affect you in any way. She will ultimately depend on you leading her in the relationship. She will depend on you to stand up for her when she feels bad. She delights in you when you share your stories. She feels comfortable when you listen to her even if you don't understand what she is saying.<p>Be a man for her.

The frankness of the question caught me by surprise. I don't think I can help you though as I'm not one of those poeple you mention. There's tons of better programmers around the office and most of them are my friends so I'm quite at home with not being the smartest person on the planet. There's more to life than solving problems, as long as you enjoy your time together who cares.<p>It bothers me though when people try to invent different types of intellect as some sort of consolation prize. Accept that people are different, life's too short to be comparing penis sizes all your life.

She isn't that smart if she is dating a jerk with self-esteem issues!<p>You still reading? Great! Some of the greatest scientists in their mature years acknowledged that there was far more which they didn't know than what they did. Being smart is more about learning and growing as a human being. Not just winning some variant of Trivial Pursuit.<p>Maybe this could become a stretch goal for both of you. Best wishes for a terrific shared adventure.

My ex was much smarter than me. Top of her computer science class as a woman was no mean feat with one of the highest overall grades in the department's history. Jumped straight from B.Sc to Ph.D, skipping the usual masters expectation/requirement (UK). She has a couple of papers published concerning language processing.<p>We got on well and she helped me through a dreary computer science bachelors course, for which I am very grateful. We went our separate ways afterwards for a variety of reasons (all non-related to the fact that she was smarter than I was).<p>Though incredibly smart, she had her own failings. We all have.<p>If you have a self-esteem problem with your girlfriend being smarter than you, then that is your problem. Self-esteem: the key is in the word 'self'. Put another way, if you were smarter than her, do you think that would be a problem for her?<p>Look to find areas where you can complement your girlfriend. You'll soon realize you have talents where she doesn't and vice versa. Embrace them and her!

My advice in life is not to worry about intelligence when it comes to love. Everyone is capable of learning beyond there current capacity and no knowledge is unobtainable or incomprehensible if you have the motivation to learn. Intelligence only affects the time it takes to comprehend an idea and perhaps even extend that idea into innovation. People all have their things they are intelligent at.<p>What you need to do is examine the qualities about you that makes her attracted to you. If shes a smart girl and she knows what she personally wants out of a relationship dont let your self esteem ruin that because you assume she is looking for a rocket scientist boyfriend. Chances are she has dated smart guys and believe it or not. Smart guys tend to be just as egotistical and insecure as anybody else even if they have everything going for them. (attractive, good job, big house, ect). The thing about smart guys like this, is that they like to feel like they are the smartest thing that walked into the room and that their opinions and theories are the one and only true way of processing information. They would feel threatened by the woman and try to make himself better than her, usually by manipulating her self esteem.<p>This does happen more often then we would like to admit and women in today's age, especially a smart one just wants to be recognized for the characteristics that define her. You are already showing a quality she probably values in you by identifying the fact that she is intelligent and that is a value worth appreciating in a woman.<p>Which I must say, speaks alot for your own intelligence and sense of maturity. Just listen to what she says because intelligent people love to share the things they know and be asked questions. Discussions and perhaps even a little debating. (have to be careful that you debate and not argue, know what you are talking about :P).<p>Dont stress the details when it comes to romance. Just love every minute of it and focus on providing for your partners emotional needs and always encourage them to improve themselves in life. Thats what makes a successful long lasting relationship, not this notion of being the "alpha" male that society likes to sell us on. Sure there are woman like that in the world. But they tend to be the kind who ends up valuing the opinions on the Jersey Shore as apposed to the opinions held by leading research scientists in the world. :P

I had a really exceptional girlfriend (extremely smart, successful and beautiful) - and married her. In general you should see it as a success. Most people only date the next-best-fit, you found someone you admire. Ask her what she admires/ loves in you and you'll surely find out some truly exceptional facts about yourself to soothe your self-esteem.

How are you even measuring "smarts?" This seems like more of a personal problem in terms of your perception than a real problem that needs "solving."<p>As long as the two of you are roughly on the same "level" in that you can have a decent two-way discussion about things you are both interested in; I cannot see how this would ever be an issue.<p>Also, your self-esteem takes a knock every time you meet someone you deem "smarter?" If that's true then you will struggle to ever reach your potential as you will likely either run-away or get depressed whenever you near your limits.<p>So I guess what I am saying is: This is an entirely a personal problem. You have created this problem in your head and that is the only place it can be solved. If meeting smarter people, including dating them, really impacts you this badly then you seriously need to work on that (maybe grab a self-help book or go talk to a professional).<p>I think this problem is far bigger than this one instance or dating...

I believe I read an article in a newspaper once where they tracked married couples with differing IQs over time.<p>Where the male was the smarter partner, the woman's IQ increased.<p>Where the female was the smarter partner, the woman's IQ decreased.<p>I guess the consolation from this is it may become a less acute problem over time :-)

You would certainly prefer to be the smartest. Do you feel threatened ?

If she doesn't care, why should you? Learn from her and be exceptional as well. Be confident. She wouldn't date you if she had not found something special in you.

Do <i>you</i> feel that it is a problem?<p>Would it be a problem if you had a platonic friend (of either gender) who was much smarter than you?

Continue to grow, learn and progress. Don't get stuck, keep moving forward. Be worthy of respect.

oh, really ? you was think you're smarter every people if him not be engineer? or women? Many people are smarter you or me and it not surprise and it normally, dont worry, enjoy...

doesn't matter who's smarter. who's dominant? I think studies have shown that relationships where the woman is the dominant pare unfulfilling for both partners, in general.

Define "smarter".

How do you define "smart"? Is your girlfriend simply just a better person than you are or she's just more intelligent?<p>Intelligence is usually something you inherit or you get as a gift, when you're born. Being smart or stupid works the same with being short or tall. Not exactly something that you can change.<p>It's stupid to judge ourselves or other people by these premises. It's smart to judge people by the way work with these premises. You can be very intelligent and endup doing a lot of bad things or you can be stupid as hell but do good and add real value to the world.<p>So don't bother yourself anymore. Love her, don't lie to hear, fuck her well and make her laugh. You'll be just fine.

She is your girlfriend? Or you just started dating her? Which is it? ;)<p>For all your dating questions, go search for "Doc Love" at Ask Men. He writes articles there and they are gold for dating advice. This man is a wizard. Don't take advice from anyone else. Thank me later.<p>Appearances are everything. Don't worry about being smart, rather, shoot for appearing smart.<p>One of the most powerful ways to appear smart is to be able to communicate well with good grammar and writing. I see that you could use a lot of improvement in those areas, so that's where I would start.<p>Learn the difference between the usage of "affect" and "effect" (don't let your bad grammar _affect_ your self esteem. ) Learn the difference between the usage of "who" and "that" (the girl _who_ you are dating is better than the girl _that_ your friend is dating.)<p><a href="http://english.stackexchange.com/questions/11204/how-to-use-who-that" rel="nofollow">http://english.stackexchange.com/questions/11204/how-to-use-...</a><p>Go look at just about any list of "top ten skills" and communication and good writing skills are probably on that list.<p>Do a search for grammar resources and spend time each day reading through these resources. Also spend time writing every day.<p>Good luck!