How Not to Pitch to a Startup

One of the most important things I had to learn when I started my company was how to quickly get off the phone with people who wanted to waste my time. It seems trivial, but in an effort to be polite and not burn any bridges, I was wasting a lot of time. Plus, these sorts of conversations often left me feeling angry.<p>So I developed a system. Step one is to be clear with yourself about what you're looking for. We're not looking for funding and if we do, we will mine our own network for introductions to VC. We don't do partnerships unless the partner already has a customer who is asking specifically for us and who is willing to pay for any integration work. We never work with recruiters and haven't had any problems finding the people we need.<p>Step two, is to develop a script.<p>Here's an example, "I appreciate your call, but we don't work with recruiters and are happy with our current hiring practices. Pause. Have a nice day. Pause. Bye. Pause. Click."<p>If I only say nice things, then that leaves me in a good mood at the end of the call. My barber just hangs up on people without saying a word. But that doesn't work for me. Neither does yelling at them.

Same thing happens to us all the time, really annoying. I've had some associates have the balls to call us up, not do any research, and then try to lecture me on how we should be running our business.<p>Fortunately, I've had a few "hero" associates who have dug down deep into my social network and found friends that we share, or read quite a few of my blog posts.<p>Either way, I've found that these associate calls are a complete waste of time. It can be hard enough getting taken seriously if you aren't brought in by the right partner, and getting funded off of an associate or analyst introduction is very unlikely, despite the fact that each and every one of them makes it sound like they are ready to cut a fat check on the spot.

There is another reason why some of these calls may be made: due diligence before investing in a competitor. This would explain why VC's ask for an explanation of things that are obvious and available on the website: they are looking for any unreported changes, and trying to get some nuance by talking to a founder.<p>I like the WuFoo folks and have been impressed with their approach and their application ever since I saw them at the first Office 2.0 conference, but one thing they may not appreciate is that their business stands as a beacon pointing at a large and profitable market, and their lack of desire to take funding means that some other team may be using them as a proof point. Naturally a VC firm will contact them before making an investment in a competitor. I am not suggesting that it's every call, but it's likely to be some of them.

If you have a chance to prepare before the calls, they must be prearranged, right? So why not send a form email that says, 'We're flattered that you'd consider working with us. We're not looking for funding right now, and we're really busy improving our product, but if you have any thoughts on what we could be doing better, send me a short memo at this address, and we'll follow up. For more information on our company go to wufoo.com/faq.'<p>From what I understand about VC psychology (all from PG essays and this site, not personal experience) this would drive them mad with desire. Plus you'd save a lot of time.

I suspect this is a case of "poor venture capitalists circulate more", like poor programmers or poor boyfriends. See <a href="http://www.overcomingbias.com/2007/03/you_are_not_hir.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.overcomingbias.com/2007/03/you_are_not_hir.html</a>

This article clearly shows the fear VCs have to miss the next big thing.<p>IMHO thats why they try to collect data on as many companies as possible and according to the article that happens without much coordination or without a clear goal. At least from the outside it seems like an effort to only cover their asses.

Two paragraphs lead off with the "Now, &#60;statement&#62;" construct:<p>"Now, our funding situation is that..."<p>"Now, we understand that..."<p>I'm starting to get sensitized to this construct. The 'now' is like an 'um' -- i.e., filler -- except, it's an 'um' that says, "I am about to say something authoritatively."<p>Obama uses it a lot, too.<p>I'm starting to flag it as sort of poser-ish.<p>The content of the article was super high quality, and outweighed this nit.

Bang on. About time someone took the VC's to task.

"rare position" indeed but that also means it's a solid business. Congrats!

This sounds like your fault rather than theirs. You have VCs who are inviting you to pitch your company to them, you are accepting their offer and then getting upset that they actually expect you to pitch them.<p>The point of an intro call is that you tell them what you are up to and they tell you what their firm is about. If you aren't interested in hearing about their firm and and you don't want to explain to them what you are up to, then don't waste their time and yours with the phone call.

probably an opportunity here, since all of the VCs are asking for the same exact information, have a website that has the information for multiple companies in the same place

<i>Because, honestly, it’s so bad out there, that it would probably take very little to actually impress us even a little bit.</i><p>Brilliant! Applies to much more that just VC.

what a great blog, nothing will make them lust after you more then swatting their week attempts back, human nature meets capitalism.