Did porn warp me forever?

Both his parents were psychologists.* Any psych major knows the old saw that you probably got bad stuff like this from your parents. Some of the psych majors I have personally known struck me as folks who had no clue how humans work and were hoping to get a clue by majoring in it. When I went to GIS school, this observation was reinforced by a classmate who had a Master's in Psychology and was looking to change careers because of the lunacy of the people around her.<p>Supposedly, Kinsey's wife said something like "I never see my husband since he took such an interest in sex". In other words, he spent so much time studying sex in an intellectual, analytical way that he stopped bothering to make time for actual sex and relating with his wife. People interested in studying human psychology frequently strike me as seriously hung up. Therapy was useful to me for a time in trying to get over my own hang ups. More useful was spending time with men who liked having actual sex with actual women rather than talking about it in some abstract, analytical fashion.<p>"Forever" is a really long time. Sexual preferences can change. Pavlovian response is learned behavior. If you don't like the stimulus that makes you drool currently, you can retrain yourself. I am glad the author is actually trying to do that instead of merely blaming his issue on porn/the internet as I have seen other articles do.<p>* (Not intending to slam all psychologists or psych majors. My observation is anecdotal and admits to bias.)

I know this is outing myself but this is my personal experience. I won't post anonymously in case anyone wants to contact me. I came to the realization about 2 years that I am addicted to porn. For anyone out there struggling with the same thing, it can get better and yes, it is probably having a negative influence on your life. Previously I would look about once per week but in the past 6 months, I have probably viewed only 3 or 4 times and am hopeful going forward that I will never view it again.<p>The difference between internet porn and porn from the past is just the abundance of new material that there is. Each time you view something new, your brain gives a hit of dopamine. In fact, porn addicts are not really addicted to porn, they're addicted to the chemical sensations that their brain provides. At the basic level, it really is not much different from any other addiction. Old, offline porn is different in that it gets stale pretty quickly. There are only so many times you can look at a magazine or video without it getting boring.<p>The problem with this is that your dopamine levels get out of whack. You need a higher and higher amount to feel satisfied. This is how people get roped in. This also caused normal, life things that were once enjoyable to become less so, such as hanging out with friends or programming. Life just becomes more dull. In fact, now that I have learned about this, whenever I see a post on HN about how someone has lost their interest in programming or other activities, the first thing I think of is probably this person has a porn addiction. It's not a far stretch seeing as how most of HN is young men. Having drastically reduced the amount I see, I have noticed many benefits in my life including better health and ability to focus better.<p>Porn, like other addictions, are also a way of masking stress and a way of distracting yourself from negative emotions. Dr. Gabor Mate has done great research linking addictions of any kind to stresses in the body. Porn gives a way to temporarily release the stress but puts the person in a vicious cycle of causing more long-term stress.<p>Personally, I use the recovery information from <a href="http://www.feedtherightwolf.org" rel="nofollow">http://www.feedtherightwolf.org</a>. It has been the only thing I have across which can really break the cycle.<p>As someone else pointed out the videos from <a href="http://yourbrainonporn.com/your-brain-on-porn-series" rel="nofollow">http://yourbrainonporn.com/your-brain-on-porn-series</a> will really help you understand what is going on in your brain.

Well, if we're all just going to trade anecdotes at each other, I may as well do so too. Unlike the author of the original piece, I'm happy to use my real name.<p>I looked at porn on the Internet as a teenager. I'm gay and back then I was deep in the closet. And I grew up when Section 28 was still in force. It was a law passed in the 80s that said schools "shall not intentionally promote homosexuality or publish material with the intention of promoting homosexuality... [or] promote the teaching in any maintained school of the acceptability of homosexuality as a pretended family relationship".<p>In practice, that meant the sex education we got in schools didn't cover those of us with a preference for what the law called unacceptable "pretended" relationships.<p>Back then, it it was still dialup and early broadband. No high-quality video, so it was almost all pictures. But porn gave to a lot of gay kids the reassurance and sexual freedom that society more generally was unwilling to even see or mention. Porn was a paracetamol for loneliness: it didn't solve it, but it eased the pain. You opened the newspaper and every time they mentioned something related to being gay, it was framed as some giant moral debate, a culture war, a political football. But on the Internet, there wasn't any of that bullshit, just sex and porn and other people (albeit behind screen names). If schools don't want to teach the gay kids about their sexuality, then the Internet and porn will do it for them.<p>My friends didn't need the Internet: probably every school in the country has an underground trade in porn, whether it's Internet-based, magazines, hacking satellite/cable TV, whatever. Heterosexual teenage boys will get their hands on images of naked ladies and distribute/trade them. That's just how it is.<p>Access to porn throughout my teenage years made life bearable. And, at risk of oversharing, the thing I find most attractive in porn isn't the whips and chains, as the author says, but simple expressions of real, genuine emotional intimacy.

I have tried to quit porn before. In high school I tried very hard, for religious reasons. I never succeeded. In college I got to the point where 2 30-90 minute sessions daily was the norm.<p>I then tried to quit again. I went 5 days, and then 4 days, and then gave up on the idea, resigning myself to immense sexual activity. Every month or so, I'll go on a complete rampage with as many as 10 orgasms a day for 2-3 days, rarely coming out of my room. Sometimes it even interferes with food.<p>My sexual tastes have grown increasingly complex, sometimes illegal, sometimes not outwardly sexual at all (example, the thought of loneliness in a girl). It has changed how I look at nearly everything, but I'm not ready to conclude that it has been for the worse.<p>I had sex for the first time this week. I didn't climax. My parter had no issues but I was completely uninterested, which is interesting because I had been looking forward (greatly) to the encounter for more than a week. But when it finally happened... complete disinterest. I did my best to think of porn and at least play along, but part of me felt that was more rude than just failing to climax so I sat back and let my partner enjoy her share. ED was no issue.<p>It's worth adding that I had never met the girl before, seen pics and talked via phone but never met in person. I had little (if any) emotional attraction to the girl, and for this reason specifically I'm not very worried. It just caught my attention because I would never have guessed that a 19yo boy would go through 40 minutes of sex with an attractive girl and not climax.<p>Since then I've been more motivated to quit, but I'm still not ready to conclude that porn has been a negative or bad experience. It has consistently given me a lot to think about, especially watching my interests and needs shift over the past few years. I've noticed a better control over my need for porn but it's only been a few days.

As long as people realize that porn itself is a caricature of sex, then it's fine. Usually sex is a lot more clumsy, and a lot shorter than any of the porn movies you find on the web. Guys with huge penises that take 45 mins to climax, women with huge breasts that love to get finished on, etc, is not how most of the world is. It's certainly exciting to see, but it's totally unrealistic.<p>It's sort of like martial arts. Real martial arts isn't guys jumping 30 ft at each other, or fighting 10 opponents at once, doing somersaults, etc. If kids go to martial arts training expecting this, they will be sorely disappointed. Most martial arts is practicing moves over and over again. It's tedious and boring for those that are expecting Jackie Chan or Jet Li. Over the course of many years, you can get to a certain level of expertise. But the martial arts movies are essentially a caricature.<p>Hopefully the kids growing up today realize this.

<i>porn — especially the porn I was watching — just had to be taboo.</i><p>The author's fetish is with the anxiety of getting caught. He's making anxiety porn by watching something so extreme that it's guaranteed to offend anyone who catches him. The author has connected the anxiety of being caught with sexual desires in his head. It's actually a very common fetish.

From my favorite Paul Graham essay, The Acceleration of Addictiveness <a href="http://www.paulgraham.com/addiction.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.paulgraham.com/addiction.html</a><p>" Societies eventually develop antibodies to addictive new things. I've seen that happen with cigarettes. When cigarettes first appeared, they spread the way an infectious disease spreads through a previously isolated population. Smoking rapidly became a (statistically) normal thing. [...]<p>As knowledge spread about the dangers of smoking, customs changed."<p>So yes, porn has always existed. So has smoking. But, industrial cigarettes and broadband porn streaming are "more concentrated forms of less addictive predecessors." and hence they are more dangerous.<p>PS: Just to clarify, Pg did not mention porn addiction in his essay. He does mention Internet addiction, though.

I find that its hard to communicate with young people about the weird way in which sexual climax is plugged into your brain. Through out history people have have exploited that link and human physiology as a tool to control people.<p>Growing up in Las Vegas I had a pretty unconventional view of sex, and was completely caught off guard by the emotions that came with my first actual sexual experience.

I'm sure there are people who have never watched porn that don't particularly enjoy sex either. This sounds like all other articles that generalize one anecdote to data.

There's a part of the paleo subculture that avoids porn as an unnatural superstimulus. See <a href="http://yourbrainonporn.com/" rel="nofollow">http://yourbrainonporn.com/</a> or <a href="http://www.reddit.com/r/nofap" rel="nofollow">http://www.reddit.com/r/nofap</a><p>Anecdotally, I find their arguments compelling.

I can definitely relate to the author. I first found porn at the age of 14. I'm 29 now, and until recently, porn has always been something I've "struggled with".<p>I've seen several comments that have opposed what I would call the Church &#38; Moral perspective on porn, without really having an example of what that perspective is. Let me put forth a few claims, so those of you who would disagree with them have something concrete to which to attach your arguments.<p>FWIW, I'm a religious person. I've been married for 9 years, and I've only ever been physically intimate with my wife. I accept that that deeply colors my perception of the world and this issue specifically.<p>Here are my claims:<p>- Porn is designed to be "used" by an individual to satisfy themselves sexually.<p>- Especially when encountered at a formative age (such as the author's and my own), porn greatly influences your perception of "good sex".<p>- Pornography and sexual intimacy are diametrically opposed.<p>- Sexual intimacy is more satisfying, on the whole, than porn.<p>- There is no such thing as "harmless porn".<p>Finally, a standing invitation. If you ever want more information on the mainstream evangelical Christian viewpoint on pornography, or my viewpoint specifically, feel free to email me at donspauldingii at googlemail dot com

On the same topic, "The Great Porn Experiment" TED talk, which provides some empirical grounding for the anecdote in the article:<p><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU" rel="nofollow">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wSF82AwSDiU</a>

It's one of those things that can rapidly spiral, you start needing a bigger kick to keep it interesting. The problem being it is incredibly difficult to talk about, it's something parents will start needing to discuss with their kids straight up.<p>Porn isn't bad, it's a part of society now and has been for a long while, but it's the same way drugs aren't necessarily bad unless you start needing a bigger and bigger kick.

As a counter data point, I immensely enjoy both porn and real sex. I've never had troubles "getting it up" or ejaculating.

Looks like the author was accurate in how uncomfortable we are as a society to talk about the role of porn in our lives.<p>I think the article speaks more to the issue with recovery and the issues surrounding "getting back to neutral."<p>This problem exists. He explains in laymen's terms a simple Pavlovian response that requires more and more brain stimulation to achieve the same level of dopamine needed for ejaculation.<p>I'm not a neuroscientist, but I bet someone out there can explain it better than I can.

Does it make sense to teach this to children? Just like "Smoking isn't good for your health."(which I believe worked for me) you could teach "Porn isn't good for you, if you want to enjoy sex."

The language he uses to talk about his experiences sounds extremely judgmental and puritan. It seems to me that his problem is not pornography but guilt tripping himself.

There are people who watch a huge amount of porn but have a perfectly healthy sex life and relationship with women. It's about understanding what it is and it's context, and realising that there's a difference between that and reality.

"Both of my parents were shrinks"<p>Nope, it wasn't the porn.

Yes, I'm glad someone is putting the truth out there that pretty much everyone from the Millennial generation has been watching porn since our pre-teens. The vast majority, as far a s I know, havn't experienced problems from it. There is a vocal minority like in r/nofap, but considering that literally 99.9% of millions of males do it, that can't be a surprise.

I remember reading just a couple of weeks back about how this issue goes away after abstaining from porn for a month or two. They called it "porn detox" I think.

The really amazing thing about this article is that I'm supposed to care more about this guy's boner, and guilt complex, than I care about the systematic oppression and degradation of my half of the human species.<p>Really . . . What a wanker!

If he had paid attention when he read his Foucault, he'd be keeping quiet rather than wringing his hands and dissecting himself on a major website.

I wish you would all read this brilliant speech by Andrea Dworkin. Try to keep an open mind for a seed of truth, even if you come from a very different place politically.<p><a href="http://www.nostatusquo.com/ACLU/dworkin/WarZoneChaptIIIE.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.nostatusquo.com/ACLU/dworkin/WarZoneChaptIIIE.htm...</a><p>". . . if equality is what you want and what you care about, then you have to fight for the institutions that will make it socially real. It is not just a matter of your attitude. You can't think it and make it exist. You can't try sometimes, when it works to your advantage, and throw it out the rest of the time. Equality is a discipline. It is a way of life."

Betteridge's law of headlines.

My wife is a nurse and they have a saying about anyone in the mental health field.<p>"You can't tell the players from the fans"

I couldn't finish the article because I found the examples too disturbing. Just a warning for those of you who aren't very familiar with online porn.<p>Could someone give me a summary of the article?

I took part in a HuffPoLive chat with Isaac, the author of the post on Salon, Naomi Wolf and John Stoltenberg, 2 days ago - here's our discussion:<p><a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/16/internet-porn-men-pornography-male-sexuality_n_2488056.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/01/16/internet-porn-men-p...</a><p>Do check out my venture <a href="https://makelovenotporn.tv/" rel="nofollow">https://makelovenotporn.tv/</a> 'Pro-sex. Pro-porn. Pro-knowing the difference.'

"9/10th* of the working of the gonads is to vitalise the whole body – brain included. If the gonads would secrete a blue fluid, the whole body would be blue, and the brain very blue – and even the bones would be slightly blue. […] It is quite often the case that very creative people have very active gonads."<p>* fundamentally true; not correct, but fundamentally true.

This comment may be down voted here. But i think there is a case to be made for a new law that mandates the ISP's to password protect all porn websites by default.

Seems that there are a few comments getting killed by an automatic process reacting to keywords or possibly links?

really well written piece. Bares a lot of resemblance to my life. I think it takes time to grow up but most of the time most people do eventually do it.

I suspect that the article is fictional and is written by a 44-year old female writer.

Do we care? The next thing he will suggest: let's censor, let's break the web, let's put people in the jail, let's force parents to spy on their children, let's take parenting rights from ones who don't. Let's create a police state because he doesn't like porn.<p>His problems with porn is just his problems. I suggest dealing with it.

This is not news. Why on Earth was this upvoted?

Betteridge's law applies. Better than an even chance the author will one day die, so won't be warped then. Answer is no.

I found this article easy to fap to

I only clicked the link to see if there were any boobs. So, in my case.......