Why Am I So Upset About Aaron Swartz's Suicide?

The Aaron Swartz issue really reaffirms a hypothesis ive held for a long time about empathy. This is the first time I've seen HN in uproar, up in arms about the injustice against a man at the hands of the state for a crime which they cannot agree with. Yet there have been far greater travesties of justice, countless suicides by innocent people in Guantanamo bay or prison and not a bleep on the HN radar.<p>Obviously Aaron Swartz impact on the internet, his relevance to this community and obvious closeness to many people explains it. But take away who he is and the circumstances are sadly far from rare. Aaron Swartz' ordeal is being relieved right as we speak in numerous places around America and the world.<p>It's just unfortunate that for many it took this long to empathise or understand their plight.

I'm going through the exact same thing. I've been upset since Aaron's suicide and I just cannot figure out why it's affecting me in such a way. I didn't know him, and like the author, I have a difficult time feeling emotions for distant (yet immense) tragedies, including war and natural disasters. But this just fucking hurts.<p>Maybe it hurts because seemingly reasonable, well educated people are behind this. This wasn't some looney that snapped and walked into a school with guns blazing. The people responsible are representatives (in one way or another) of the United States of America. Land of the free. Home of the brave. Supposedly good people. But they can do this (thanks to the wallets of hard working American people) and will probably get away with it? They have this kind of power? They can ruin a person's life for a victimless crime, even when the alleged 'victim' chooses not to pursue legal action? That's a devastatingly scary thought. And it's not just Carmen Ortiz and Steven Heymann. Our justice system is wrought with corruption, and that's scary, because it's probably the best justice system in the world (or at least touted as such).

We're upset because Aaron was an activist while many of us capable of doing what he did, just sit on our couches or comfy chairs.<p>We're upset because the full legal power of the government was used as a weapon against him almost as if he was mass murderer instead of his "crime" being just setting information that was technically free in the first place, actually free.<p>We're upset because instead of waiting pensively for what his sentence would be and protesting what would undoubtedly be unjust, all we can do is remember who he was and triumph his cause in the hope that this won't happen again.<p>He didn't deserve to feel this was his only way out and he had so much more to contribute based on his past accomplishments.<p>I guess the problem with us identifying with Bradley Manning in comparison is he didn't do things like contribute to RSS and Markdown. But the information he set free is just as important.

"Aaron Swartz is what I wish I was."<p>I am too a cold, rational bastard and yet I've found myself fighting tears over and over these last two days. And I barely knew who Aaron was until two days ago.<p>But I think the OP nailed it, for me and I'm sure for many more. I can still recall when I was an idealist as a child and a young teen. But I preferred to become cynical rather than suffer from injustices in the world. Much easier to be above, untouched, than fight for change and inevitably suffer, a lot.<p>But we still viscerally admire somebody like Aaron, somebody who took the hard route, somebody we could have been but hadn't the courage to.<p>That's why we suffer so much today, the best part of us has died.

Whether or not the actions of the US government via the DOJ was the direct cause of Aaron's suicide will be debated at length.<p>However, as both a cause and a "martyr" of sorts, Aaron's death has become a rather large stick to hit both government and the copyright lobby with.<p>I hazard a guess that Aaron would have been happy for us all to use that stick with a vengeance.<p>We should keep hitting these powerful lobbies with that stick until they break or the stick breaks.

Reposting my comment from a forgotten thread, because I think the sense of loss many of us are feeling should be channeled into actions that may conceivably do some good:<p>---<p>1. What concrete steps can people take to prevent cases like Aaron's from happening again? What enduring commitments can be made, and to what causes or organizations?<p>2. Who should we be listening to and supporting who is of like mind with Aaron, and has been neglected so far? Who is doing good work out of the public eye, like Aaron was?<p>I join you in commiseration. I'm going to look for a local organization to join in support of online freedom. Perhaps find a club to mentor promising youth in tech. I hope the Americans here will take every feasible step in correcting overzealous prosecutors (and nonetheless calling for justice where it hasn't been meted out). Aaron's passing must not be in vain.<p>---

I know absolutely why I feel so upset. He was part of my tribe. Though I never met him, or even directly engaged with him, I was very aware of him and took direct inspiration from his actions. I have dealt with the death of close peers in the past who were part of my tribe. I was younger and more prone to succumbing to anger and spite - now I know the best thing I can do is to honor their memory by maintaining the impetus we once shared.

While I sympathize with the tragedy of Aaron's death, I have to agree that he is receiving a disproportionate amount of attention. Take away his association with the HN community and the Internet, and his case is not nearly as tragic as many others. Take the Guantanamo inmates who committed suicide. They were innocent and were imprisoned without any control over the situation. Aaron chose to break into the MIT network closet and JSTOR (though I agree that the punishment is way too harsh, there should be no punishment at all). But everything Aaron did was by his own choice. The people in Guantanamo didn't do anything at all. Their situation is much more infuriating, much more tragic, and deserves much more attention.

Maybe it's similar for you to how many people were surprised by their level of grief, when Princess Diana died. Girls growing up in the 80s grew up on the fantasy of being like her, chosen and given wealth and fame and becoming a queen. And then she didn't buckle up and the entire childhood fantasy died right there with her in the tunnels of Paris. This trauma has changed England's emotional landscape for good - no more stiff upper lip.<p>So you saying 'Aaron is what I wish I was' is the correct analysis - Aaron had everything that we here strive for - he was recognized for his potential when he was a teenager, he had been accepted by YC, was part of a successful exit, was a highly respected and idealistic Internet activist and intellectual... These are the goals people strive for when they tell themselves 'if I only could achieve XYZ, then I will be happy - I will put all my energy into XYZ, because it will eventually be worth it'. The reality is more complex. Even with all these achievements, the highest potential that we can strive for can be destroyed. In his case by the beast of depression when driven by senseless persecution through the political apparatus.

I'll tell you why you're upset. You're upset because you are precocious. And decided. And certain. And dare I say sometimes morally certain!<p>Aaron was an absurd hero who chose not to revolt. He just didn't imagine himself happy, so he agonised about the futility of living with every breath he took. He remained a stranger in his own life even with each new career summit he topped. Ultimately he chose to check out thinking that was the only way from the inevitable. Tragic. It needn't have been.<p>Like most of the high achievers of Aaron's age, your generation has achieved so much so quickly that you've missed the barely audible slow burning whisper of your own existential questions. The din of success, of the ceaseless twittering of Twitter, of the vacuous flapping on Facebook and the daily showboating wankery of blogging has made you forget that it's the SILENCE that matters. It's the silence of your thoughts to yourself that will answer your questions. Slowly and with meditated patience.<p>I'm upset too. I'm upset that his parents have to deal with this tragic loss, that his surviving loved ones are looking for answers to this tragedy. I'm upset that traditional methods of calming, of seeking, of surviving are lost to this generation - a generation addicted to instantaneous Google-fed answers and one that is now gyrating to hokey lyrics like "partying &#38; bullshit", "we're gonna die young"* ... :-(<p>This generation that obviously knows a great deal about internet startups and computer science, and Batman and world peace knows very little about how to answer their own questions about a meaningless existence. Their parents did it. Same shitty world, shame shitty life - they made it! How??<p>Finally, I now know what a pointless Sisyphean desk job has to offer to a young person: how to suffer patiently without self-destructing. How to fold, without going all in on the flop.<p>Much love,<p>AK<p>-----<p>* I like the songs, btw :-)

"I am upset that we have a justice system that would persecute me the way it did Aaron."<p>But it wouldn't, because we allow our fears to convince us to keep our thoughts to ourselves. And I am upset the very persons who are courageous enough to fight for our interest are eliminated, leaving us.

<i>Aaron Swartz is what I wish I was.</i><p>Please don't compare yourself to anyone else. It's pointless, disempowering, and generally a waste of time. Your "best you" is what I wish you wished you were.<p><i>I am a bright technologist...</i><p>You are not alone. There are many of us here, like you and like Aaron.<p><i>...but I've never built anything of note.</i><p>The things you build do not have to be famous to be "anything of note". Do people use the software you have written? Do they benefit from it? If yes, then it is most certainly "of note".<p><i>I have strong opinions about how to improve this world, but I've never acted to bring them to pass.</i><p>That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. That means you're normal. 99% of us are in exactly the same boat. We go about our daily business, taking care of ourselves and those close to us, making the world a better place in a thousand little ways.<p>Think of it this way. We're all just one great big football team. The Aaron Swartzs and Steve Jobs of the world are the quarterbacks and ball carriers whose names are in the press all the time. But they would accomplish little if it wasn't for those of us around them who block and tackle all day long. Don't be upset that, up to this point, you've been a blocker or tackler. Be proud. And realize that your turn to carry the ball has yet to come.<p><i>I have thoughts every day that I would share with the world, but I allow my fears to convince me to keep them to myself.</i><p>Congratulations. You have just taken the first step toward addressing that issue with that statement here on Hacker News. Now please take Step 2. Start a blog. If it's anything like this post, then I want to read it. And others, I'm sure, will want to also.<p><i>If I were able to stop being afraid of what the world would think of me, I could see myself making every decision that Aaron made that ultimately led to his untimely death.</i><p>You don't know what really led to Aaron's untimely death. No one does. The decisions you make are just one input to a complex process we still don't understand. So go easy on yourself and don't jump to unnecessary conclusions.<p><i>I am upset that we have a justice system that would persecute me the way it did Aaron.</i><p>Many of us are upset about this and a lot of other things too. But we won't allow any of them to stop us from living our lives fully. You can be upset about things in background and still have a wonderful happy life in foreground. Give it a try.<p><i>I am upset that I have spent 27 years of my life having made no discernible difference to the world around me.</i><p>I bet if I asked those close to you if the felt they same way, I'd get a resounding "No!" Maybe you should, too.<p><i>Most of all I am upset that Aaron's work here is done when there is so much more he could have accomplished.</i><p>Agreed. I guess that means that each of us now has a few more things to add to our own To Do Lists.<p>Thanks, John, for the great post. Best wishes for feeling better and getting on with it. Ultimately, that's what we hackers always do.

Everyone blames the system but we should really blame ourselves first. We did not protest Aaron's prosecution enough, we did not make him feel our support. We ourselves allowed this to happen.

Today I had a strange thought: did Aaron kill himself because he thought it was the only solution to end the madness of the system?

The state has for as long as I can remember disgusted me, amongst many other things, exactly due to behaviour like this. Murdering thuggish religious zealots are a lot less sympathetic than anti authoritarian information crusaders, but the hysteria pitch here is eye opening to me at least from the perspective of people being so incensed by the fact that their government could be involved in such a thing.<p>Look around; the state is not your friend and it never has been, look at the statistics for democide in the previous century if you need any more proof. It's mindboggling to me that with all that goes on, when the blowback of business as usual in a modern western nation state hits closer to home people are actually shocked and amazed.<p>Look at the representatives of the law here on HN bleating about the nature of the offense in question as within the strictures of the law and thus beyond reproach and simply a symptom of a system that needs further tuning; This is how the state operates, this is what it runs on. Changing this fact doesn't require a simple tuning of a few dials here and there, it requires a fundamental re-examining of the central role of the westphalian nation state and the gears and levers upon which it operates in the modern world.<p>To be fair and admit my biases, yes, I believe castrating the beast is necessary, and this is just one more on a practically endless list of bullet points that demonstrate this.<p>As important as what happened here is and as much as it is nice to see people actually appearing to finally notice what is being done in their names and with their tacit consent, I simply can't see that actually happening. In a few weeks people will become resigned to the fact that they have no actual power and cannot make any actual change.<p>The depressing fact of the violent and compulsory nature of state authority coupled with it's extreme innate resistence to any kind of actual, real change are simply too entrenched for just this event to actually make any more difference than the millions of others just like it that ended up hitting some other tribe instead of ours.<p>Pity.

Thank you for this post.<p>I've also been wondering about the depth of my emotion on this event. I have looked up to Aaron Swartz mildly in the past, but the turn of events and subsequent reactions have occupied my attention greatly since.<p>I too wish to be more like Aaron Swartz in many ways, and I too am strangely moved by his story and his passing. Reading my thoughts in someone else's blog is appreciated.

Aaron Swart is an example of people whose technical ability (IQ) exceeds their other ability (EQ). His technical ability allowed him to accomplish great technical achievements; it also let him get into troubles at work or with the law, which together with his fragile mental health eventually got him.