Fuck it, I'll Do This Alone

I too used to be plagued by wishy-washy friends, and since waiting on finalization of plans can be a real pain, I decided to find some ways to deal with them.<p>The first thing I did was set up a google group for my friends. There are about 20 memebers in it and we share stuff between each other by email occasionally but also make plans.<p>The second thing I learned was never to entice people or make plans, but simply to <i>announce</i> plans. I'd email the group:<p>"I'm going hiking at Franconia Notch this weekend if anyone is interested. Leaving from my house around 10AM Saturday."<p>That's it. No waiting for replys, no waiting on people at all. If you want to come with me you'll be around at 10AM Saturday or you won't.<p>There's no frustration if its only me going, as I intended to go alone, and if anyone wants to come along then that's a pleasant surprise. But I won't base my activity schedule around waiting for them.<p>Surprisingly, since I started doing this, <i>more people seem to come along.</i> Motivation is contagious, I think, and it seems the thought of someone else already 100% committed to doing something makes it easier in the minds of others to commit themselves.<p>So make it easy for your friends. This way they don't feel guilty or obligated one way or the other, which is a huge relief for some personality types.<p>Later, I made a second google group for announcing house dinners, and now regularly 5-15 people show up every wednesday and we cook and eat together.

I don't know about anyone else, but I feel extremely awkward going to nice restaurants alone even if I bring something to do. I don't experience this feeling anywhere else...just restaurants. I think I'd be more likely to travel alone than to go out to a nice restaurant down the street alone.

When living in Paris, I wanted to attend many concerts but oftentimes I ended up not going because I couldn't find anyone to come with me.<p>Looking at the many concerts I missed because of that, I decided to automatically buy 2 tickets for each event and ask my friends <i>afterwards</i>, stating that I had an extra ticket. I ended up attending many concerts with one of my friends, and rarely had to sell my extra ticket.<p>On a side note, two years ago, a group of friends invited me to join them for a 10-days trip in Turkey. They would fly directly from Paris to Istanbul. I lived in Bordeaux then and figured: why don't I go to Istanbul by train on my own? It took me 2 weeks to get there, and along the road I stopped at Milan, Florence, Venice, Ljubljana, Zagreb and Belgrade (plus Munich, Vienna, Budapest, Krakow and Berlin on my way back).<p>I knew that noone would have agreed to come with me and I immediately felt that I had taken the right decision. It was a sudden one but I don't regret it. I met wonderful people and visited beautiful places, and I realize that depending on someone else's decision would have prevented me from doing these things.

To each his own. Half the fun of traveling is the friends you're with, for me at least. The first time I went to NYC and SF I spent ~8 hours wandering around by myself (friends were still working) and I didn't get much enjoyment out of it. Sure I talked to some random people, but honestly I was bored after about 2 hours. The moments I remember and enjoyed were spent with friends, regardless of the location.

I think I'm kind of a loner. I have zero problems doing things alone.<p>Most things (esp trips, hiking, biking) I want to do alone. I need alone time. Time away from all the hassles and pressures of "socialness". Time to be selfish. To pause when others might want to go, to go when others might want to pause.<p>Also, early in life I got real tired of being let down / of the unreliability of people. So, instead of repeating the same activity and expecting a different outcome I quit trying or wanting to participate in planned group activities.

For the first 10 months of 2012 I planned a trip to Thailand, taking time off contracting. I too became fed up of mates not being able to come with me so in the end thought fuck it, I'll go on my own. The day I posted my plans my mate got in touch and said he'd come with me for 3 weeks.<p>Those 3 weeks we basically argued like a married couple, there were good times, obviously, but we are both very different people. Anyway, as soon as he left me in Cambodia, the trip turned into one of the best experiences of my life.<p>I went where I wanted, I did what I wanted. I had crazy nights out and the trip was an adventure. I went to see my friend in Koh Phangan and stayed at his dive shop for a few weeks for free. I made friends with the locals and regularly got invited out with everyone. I had 2 of the most unbelievable experiences of my life partying in Haad Riin. I ended up with a girlfriend for 3 months whilst I was there. I met up with an old friend in Malaysia and stayed with her for free in a 5 star hotel for a week - she was on business and got a twin room for me. I met a girl in Bangkok who ended up driving me around the city in her Range Rover and taking me out to clubs. One day I decided to rent a motocross bike and rode it 35km up to the top of Bokor mountain in Cambodia - an amazing experience, more so on the way back down.<p>All of these things happened when I was on my own. Once I left my friend, I could do exactly what I wanted. There were times when it was hard, e.g. going to clubs on your own, or places where everybody is in a group, but in the end it paid off. Now I'm the guy who just does what he wants. This year I'll go away again to maybe South Korea or the Philippines; I haven't even considered asking someone to go with me.<p>So yeh, don't be that guy stressing about not having anyone to go places with, fuck it, go on your own.

As a rule, I prefer traveling on my own. That way I can take my time to walk wherever I want and get a better 'feel' for the city. For instance, I love to go out into the city without a map sometimes. I often even go out of my way to eat in cheap, dirty places because I want to know what the locals eat. Sometimes I even go out of my way to explore the boring and the ugly parts of town.<p>It's difficult to find travel partners that share these interests. :)<p>Additionally, when I'm traveling with someone else I get distracted by conversations. That means I fail to notice tons of things. Also, I have experienced that my travel companion(s) would take me to all sorts of interesting places and then afterwards I'm unable to pinpoint on a map where I've been. That kind of sucks.<p>It's also much easier to start interesting conversations with locals or other travelers when you're not in a group.<p>I'm never lonely. I often stay in hostels so I can usually talk to other solo travelers. And sometimes I hit couchsurfing.org and meet up with individuals or groups.

There seems to be a strain of thought, especially prevelant in the programming community, that really romanticizes acting alone. I really wonder if we should romanticize it.<p>I used to live like this - I would go to shows alone, eat out alone, go to movies alone. I'd go hiking by myself, I'd go on long bike rides by myself. At the time I didn't have the resources to go on trips by myself, but I would've done that, too.<p>And it wasn't like I was a pariah. I've always had friends and family around. I've never needed to be single. I just felt like I required this constant solitude, and because of that, enforced a certain distance in my relationships.<p>As I've gotten older and learned more of how to need other people, I'm kind of horrified at all of the lost opportunities. The friendships I didn't form.<p>I would really hate for young guys [who I assume comprise much of HN's readership] to read this and say "Yeah, I should go this world alone!" Sometimes this attitude may be called for, but more often than not it will not serve you well.

It just depends on your goals. For a lot of people, these kinds of activities are, on some level, a social catalyst. For those, it doesn't make sense to do many of them without the social part. But if you're simply interested in the event itself, you shouldn't feel any need to wait for others to participate.<p>I golf by myself routinely, and back when I went to the movies I would go by myself if it made sense. I wanted to do those things, regardless of who participated. I know many others, though, who would not say the same thing.

My Friends all thought I was crazy when I invited them to drive from Alaska -&#62; Argentina with me.<p>The choice was clear, go alone, or don't go at all.<p>I had a life changing two year adventure.<p>theroadchoseme.com

This happened to me the exact same way. Couldn't get anyone on board so I bought a plane ticket to Hong Kong by myself randomly one night and it was one of the best trips I've ever taken. I've done a few other solo trips since.<p>I think the thing I like the most is the sense of ultimate freedom - no arguments or drama, disasters out of your control etc. Everything you do is because you chose to do it. If you make a mistake and screw something up, nobody is going to complain. After being in a relationship for 7 years I really long to get those moments back...

I think that friends always bailing on you is a sign that you are boring. Reading this article reminded me of this quote from Anne Lamott:<p>"There are certain people whose company you love, whose mind you love to pick, whose running commentary totally holds your attention, who makes you laugh out loud. When you have a friend like this, she can say: “Hey, I’ve got to drive up to the dump in Petaluma—wanna come along?” and you honestly can’t think of anything in the world you’d rather do. By the same token, a boring or annoying person can offer to buy you an expensive dinner, followed by tickets to a great show, and in all honesty you’d rather stay home and watch the Jello harden."

Except if you want to apply for YC... unfortunately

I came to this conclusion between the sophomore and junior years of college when I had the money to take a trip to Italy but none of my friends did. I'd never been further than Mexico, but I did it.<p>Being there alone was exhilarating - almost like the feeling of being hiking in the wilderness far enough away from people that if you broke a leg, you'd be in serious trouble. There is something wonderful about being far away from everything you know is safe and comfortable. I think there's a part of you that you can only find doing things like that.

I'm surprised that no one has mentioned traveling with your significant other / spouse / girlfriend / wife / boyfriend / husband.<p>I've made quite a few trips and it's generally not hard to plan something together with my wife, so long as we do it early enough so she can get off work.<p>She loves eating out, so it's never hard to ask her to eat out with me.<p>In general, she'll do most things with me, so long as they're not hardcore physical activities (mountain climbing, long distance runs, etc)- but even those she'll go watch if she's able.

If you want to do something, and you make that contingent upon another person, you've introduced fragility to your goal.<p>I've heard that a popular reason startups fail is co-founder disagreement, but that is just another way of saying there was a failure in leadership.

I don't think most people actually understood what the author meant. He said that nothing should hold you back even if you are alone to do it.<p>He never said he doesn't like to go out with friends. He said we need to learn to do things on our own sometimes.

I don't think there's much to be gained from stating either way whether you prefer solo or group travel.<p>I have personally enjoyed travelling solo and with friends. They both have positives and negatives. As people have said at least you are guaranteed company with friends around, and there's much to be said for sharing experiences with someone who you know inside-out or at least well.<p>Having said that, travelling solo has always pushed me out of my comfort zone into seeking out company (if I was in the mood for conversing). Meeting like-minded people in new countries has always for me been a very enjoyable experience.<p>It's fair to say also that even being in close proximity with a good friend can lead to friction on occasion because that close proximity can be a very different experience to your usual relationship away from travelling. Perhaps I should select my friends better though!

I remember coming to grips with this myself. Turns out most people have different priorities than I, such as buying a new car rather than say... diving in Australia for a few months?<p>A few things I've learned: The true test comes when it is time to pay. If you can move that part up, then you will save a lot of time. Don't sweat it if the couch potatoes at home don't make it. You'll make friends at the destination, people who actually do things rather than talk about them.<p>Also, agree with simonsarris' comment that announcing plans takes the uncertainty out of the exchange.

This article is good in concept, but has too much emotion-laden hyperbole for my taste.

As a solo runner who trained for and completed the Dipsea and US Half marathon last year, I say go it alone but let someone know where you are going and when you plan on getting back.<p>And carry a rock solid cell phone. I have a Verizon pay as you go basic phone <a href="http://s831.us/Pn4ZDD" rel="nofollow">http://s831.us/Pn4ZDD</a>. It's always charged and can pick up cell coverage where my smartphone can't.

If you want people to follow you, you must have the balls to lead alone first.

Well, great idea: enjoying good things alone. I do it a lot of times). There is no special need for friends in order to enjoy a good meal, a good concert or a good film or a good sightseeing.<p>There is a time to enjoy alone and a time to gather together.<p>Glad you have discovered this.<p>Edit: and there is no need to 'fuck it', one should do these things by himself from time to time. There is no obligation to enjoy with others.

I just booked a trip to Vietnam/Cambodia alone with the same thought in mind - no one was willing to commit, and I still wanted to go

So my goal is to be a "Millionaire by May". I have 0 dollars right now (living in my parent's basement), and am close to an MVP. I'm going to start a company by myself, do everything myself, rake in the profits by myself. It'll be hard as hell, but by doing it myself I get to learn all the facets, and don't have to communicate my half assed desires (make it more blue-green!). I have a fluorescent dollar sign on my desk, whenever the going gets rough (or I don't want to do it anymore), the dollar sign goes on. Reminds me of my goal.<p>I've been pumping myself up recently with two things - excuses are just fear, and shoot for simplicity, not efficiency (if it's simple, it's likely pretty damn efficient). Unless there is a ridiculous technical problem, there is generally a way around a problem with a little bit of creativity and elbow grease. Excuses are just lack of desire to find those routes.

Sounds like the lunch time running club at work. It's just me, now. And I'm not even the organizer...

Sure, you shouldn't let your friends hold you back. But I wouldn't underestimate the value of spending time with friends/family. One quote from Robb Wolf has always stuck with me: "It's understood that people who don't have enough social connections, they have as high a rate of mortality and morbidity as a pack a day smoker." <a href="http://youtu.be/Tvh23EnFDio" rel="nofollow">http://youtu.be/Tvh23EnFDio</a><p>Maybe if your friends are holding you back then you should find new friends? The thought of going to restaurants alone isn't particularly inspiring to me. If you'll indulge me, here's a song about it: <a href="http://youtu.be/MnqdNErdVcU" rel="nofollow">http://youtu.be/MnqdNErdVcU</a>

Nicholas Christakis: The hidden influence of social networks [1] :<p>Should we do things alone, so as not to be contaminated by our friends/entourage.<p>Or<p>Should we get surrounded by the most people.<p>Also, doing things alone FIRST allows you to get surrounded by those interesting people that will follow wherever you will go and whatever you will do<p>[1] <a href="http://www.ted.com/talks/nicholas_christakis_the_hidden_influence_of_social_networks.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.ted.com/talks/nicholas_christakis_the_hidden_infl...</a>

Travelling? Two is always better than one.<p>If you break a leg in Thailand, someone can help you to the hospital. If you have a friend who lives in Korea, he can be your Seoul mate. Going on a roller coaster? You can sit beside someone you know. Ordered some weird food that you don't like? Just swap with the friend next to you.<p>Two is better than one.

We are building an app to solve this exact problem. It's called Groups and has almost a million downloads by now. This is a common problem for a lot of people. Will let you guys know when we launch the features to solve it, later this year.

This breaks down when it comes time to make reservations and other arrangements where money becomes involved. I've found that asking for a deposit on things like lodging and tickets really weeds out who is serious and who is not.

This boils down to your personality, not on external factors like who you are with, where you go or what you do. Are you an extrovert, introvert or ambivert? Figure out who you are then everything will make sense

After reading the first paragraph, I thought he was about to announce a new startup that helps individual travelers find each other to plan group excursions around the world.<p>I left disappointed :/

Fuck it, I'll do it live.<p><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_HyZ5aW76c" rel="nofollow">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O_HyZ5aW76c</a>

I felt that I wrote this article. This is my exact though process too.

I am the master of my fate, I am the captain of my soul

Footloose and fancyfree- try that with kids :-)