Be Happier with Zero Expectation

This is true but it's just not realistic. There are situations in life where expectations are totally appropriate. I'd even argue that expectations drive us forward. And if you have no expectation of an outcome, how can you be happy or sad at all at the end? Or how can you tell there has even been an outcome?<p>If I have to drive somewhere and have no expectation of arrival time then I'll neither be happy nor sad when I get there. I'll have just gotten there. However if I severely lower my expectations then I can be happy when I get there.<p>But I'm being pedantic here so I'll bring this back to reality now. Disappointment, heartache, sadness, and gloom are part of life and should not be avoided. We often find the motivation or drive to change and improve through our negative emotions. Sure, it sucks to feel that way but it's just as important as being happy and one shouldn't run from those feelings.<p>If you have good coping skills you can face disappointment head on, feel shitty for a bit, and then plow through and find some happiness or a silver lining. If you've got poor coping skills you'll be running away from all negative emotions and totally stunting your emotional growth because of it.<p>I know the author wasn't trying to write an authortitative piece on happiness so I won't criticize him. What I will do is add a little wrinkle to his whole point which is: Eliminate or lower expectations when the outcomes aren't important. So, for example, traffic is actually a perfect example. If you can eliminate your anger and frustration over being late or being stuck in traffic you're doing yourself a huge favor as being upset over it isn't doing anything for you. However feeling upset and having expectations about your career or a promotion or meeting a pretty girl one day can be quite helpful. The negative feelings associated with not getting any one of those things should push you to change your situation and get them somehow.<p>So all in all, I guess the TL;DR version would be: Apply the article's wisdom wisely, not broadly.

There is this German saying: "Happiness equals results minus expectations". And I have to agree, expectations are easy to miss, especially when you don't learn to lower them. I used to constantly get late to basically anywhere because I just did not factor in the time to shower, reading emails between putting on clothes, etc. And boy did this stress me out. When I started to pay more attention to my life in general (focus on the current moment and such), such stressors just disappeared because I learned to not get into such situations.

This doesn't work at all for me. I love having expectations. I love looking forward to things.<p>I'm going on a trip in May, and I expect it to be great. If it sucks, I might be a bit disappointed, but the vacation is a week, and the time I can look forward to it is several months. If the vacation turns out to be great, I'll feel great about it. Would I feel even greater if I had no expectations? Don't know. I really don't think the delta of getting pleasantly surprised outweighs the months of looking forward to the trip.<p>Being able to accept what you can't change (e.g. being stuck in traffic) without getting overly frustrated is conducive to happiness, no doubt. I'm not sure what it has to do with expectations; if I expect to be stuck in traffic all morning, that doesn't make it more fun when it actually happens.

Amazing how we the more we advance civilization, the better we are at ignoring 10,000 years of human wisdom. I suppose it's never a bad thing when someone rediscovers these tidbits for themselves.

This is reminiscent of the Taoist virtue "to hold fast to the submissive is called strength." Or in other words, if a person never competes, he can never suffer defeat.

Yeah, I hear this a lot. And I'm sure that for most people the pendulum should swing more in that direction. But like everything you have to strike a balance. ZERO expectation really? To just take one example, what if you're a boss? I know I would be happier if I didn't expect anything out of my subordinates and they probably would to, but I'm guessing the shareholders might not be down with my new zen attitude.

Reminds me of why the Danes are said to be very happy--low expectations.<p><a href="http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/07/19/lowered-expectations/" rel="nofollow">http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2009/07/19/lowered-expe...</a>

I don't think this is something you can just "turn off" and/or change. I think your personality can either allow you to do this, or not. You can tell me all day to not have expectations, but that means nothing to me. I don't understand how to "flip off that switch." I'm not saying the author is wrong, but I just don't think I can agree that anyone can just not have expectations. I know I have times where I didn't have expectations and things worked out great and I was happy, but it's not like I can tell my brain to always react that way. It's just how I am, and I wish I could change that, but I honestly don't know how.<p>Does anyone have any <i>real</i> suggestions on how to achieve this "zero expectation" mindset, other than as vague as "just change your mindset" or something to that degree?

The Bard said it well:<p>"O God, I could be bounded in a nutshell, and count myself a king of infinite space—were it not that I have bad dreams."

“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few.” – Shunryo Suzuki

Haven't read the article yet (I will), but I recognized your site due to my work with userena :)