TE
科技回声
首页24小时热榜最新最佳问答展示工作
GitHubTwitter
首页

科技回声

基于 Next.js 构建的科技新闻平台,提供全球科技新闻和讨论内容。

GitHubTwitter

首页

首页最新最佳问答展示工作

资源链接

HackerNews API原版 HackerNewsNext.js

© 2025 科技回声. 版权所有。

Being alone

177 点作者 neodude超过 11 年前

23 条评论

fit2rule超过 11 年前
One of the best things I&#x27;ve ever done for myself is pack up and move to another country - just to get out of the cultural bubble we all get wrapped up in. Culture is nothing but a bunch of lies; when you shift from one to the other and give yourself a reset, you see just how much this brings to bear on the individual. Eventually, dealing with a foreign language and strange people can be quite enlightening, if you treat the exercise as a means of rejuvenating your ability to respect the peace and quiet you&#x27;ll get, at least for the first year.<p>I&#x27;ve done it a couple times now, having no real affinity with national identity, but I sure do love the cooking and language I&#x27;ve managed to collect. And finally, real experience with the people of the world, not just My Own Team™ ..
评论 #6636781 未加载
评论 #6636884 未加载
评论 #6638102 未加载
评论 #6636323 未加载
评论 #6636671 未加载
ibejoeb超过 11 年前
&gt; I might stand in a corner by myself staring awkwardly at my phone<p>Word of advice to anyone who might be anxious going out alone: don&#x27;t bring your phone. If you&#x27;re just going to distract yourself with it because you feel less awkward, you might as well stay home, because you&#x27;re depriving yourself of the opportunity to notice what&#x27;s going on. If you just go and actually pay attention, there will be opportunities to participate.<p>---<p>I want to amend this because I feel like it might come across as a little hostile, but that&#x27;s not the intention. A few points on the reasoning:<p>* A party will have a host, and it&#x27;s his job to integrate you. You shouldn&#x27;t really have to work that hard. Find the host and he&#x27;ll try to get you involved.<p>* There are guests that will do the same. If I&#x27;m out with a group, I&#x27;ll happily involve a newcomer.<p>* Both of these fall apart if you walk in and immediately look disinterested. I&#x27;m not going to approach a person on his phone. In my head, he&#x27;s either temporarily busy or doesn&#x27;t want to be there, and I&#x27;m not going to risk being an ass and interrupting on the off chance that you&#x27;re just shy. (I&#x27;ve got better ways of looking like an ass.)<p>If you can&#x27;t resist the temptation to delve into your phone, you&#x27;re not genuinely putting yourself out there.
评论 #6636872 未加载
tazjin超过 11 年前
Stopped reading after<p>&gt; Preface: As a white, heterosexual, cis, male, I’m granted, from birth, an extraordinary amount of privilege<p>I wasn&#x27;t actually aware people outside of the Tumblrverse said things like that. (Over on Reddit there is &#x2F;r&#x2F;TumblrInAction for things like this)
评论 #6636740 未加载
评论 #6636606 未加载
评论 #6636530 未加载
评论 #6636256 未加载
评论 #6636277 未加载
评论 #6636928 未加载
评论 #6636283 未加载
评论 #6636471 未加载
评论 #6636199 未加载
评论 #6636871 未加载
评论 #6636330 未加载
评论 #6637110 未加载
评论 #6637519 未加载
评论 #6636380 未加载
dkokelley超过 11 年前
I have a technique for when I&#x27;m alone in a large social setting. Find other alone people. It&#x27;s not hard to spot them if you&#x27;re looking, and in most cases they will appreciate the friendliness.<p>This works especially well in a situation like a networking event or large party where it is unlikely that attendees will know everyone else.
评论 #6636707 未加载
评论 #6636445 未加载
评论 #6636466 未加载
评论 #6636679 未加载
birken超过 11 年前
I feel this is something that happens when people work at startups, especially early stage ones. There is such pressure to work with your small team and put all your time and effort into this startup (like all of the people who brag about working 80 or 100 weeks --- or the OP mentioning taking a nap at the office on friday night), that you are really sacrificing opportunity to build or maintain friendships with a wider group of people. There is nothing wrong with having 3 friends and doing a lot of stuff alone, however it also doesn&#x27;t have to be that way if you don&#x27;t want it to be.<p>Do you have any old college buddies who live in SF? Email them and ask to meet up for a beer. If you are interested in dating, go on okcupid. If you like playing sports, join an intramural sports team. If you like bar trivia, just go to your local trivia night and find a team of random people to join. All of these things take time and effort, but they will result in a larger, more diverse, group of friends.<p>The truth is this is probably negative value for ones startup. Giving 100% of your effort to a startup will probably make it more successful than giving it 80%. But you only get one life, and perhaps more friends and a less successful startup might make somebody happier.
评论 #6636713 未加载
johnrob超过 11 年前
I&#x27;ve come to enjoy many aspects of going out in the world alone (most are simply the effect of removing the &#x27;distraction&#x27; of company):<p>- Much greater awareness of other people and surroundings.<p>- Great opportunity to take stock of what is good&#x2F;bad in your life (for some reason it&#x27;s easier to do this outside the house).<p>- Bursts of creativity (hint: this is a great way to fight writer&#x27;s block).<p>These are just the ones I can think of at the moment. One piece of advice for anyone who feels self conscious when alone: since everyone else is amongst friends, they probably won&#x27;t even notice you. We naturally assume our increased awareness (due to being alone!) is shared by everyone around us - that&#x27;s not the case though.
评论 #6636408 未加载
jyrkesh超过 11 年前
Can&#x27;t really comment on the startup side of things seeing as I&#x27;m still in university, but having recently done an internship in a town where I knew no one and going back to school and moving into a place with no roommates for the first time, I&#x27;ve been forced into environments where absolutely no one is encouraging me to go out or meet people or have fun. It&#x27;s unbelievably easy to stay in and watch Netflix, have a couple beers, and stay inside. Having a large house to myself every single night (after a long bout of having many roommates), I often feel relaxed to be away from everyone, but it can also be very stifling: the silence, the lack of movement, the lack of anything but noise through headphones.<p>I&#x27;m typically very busy during the day, so nightlife is my primary means of social activity. When I show up to parties, it&#x27;s usually alone, and that&#x27;s something I&#x27;ve had to adjust to. I go to bars, often alone, and I turn my phone off and strike up conversations. At first, it&#x27;s incredibly difficult, but over time it becomes more fun. Over the summer, this culminated in my attending multiple music festivals where I spent a majority of the day having a blast in a group of complete strangers, most of whom I will likely never see again. But that&#x27;s now a shared experience that I never would have just watching Netflix.<p>One of the most interesting things I&#x27;ve noticed, though, is the reaction others have when I tell them I go to parties or bars by myself (or even to dinner or to movies alone). They&#x27;re taken aback, and they almost try to marginalize you as some sort of loner. I have plenty of very close friends, and I do my best to spend time with them, but embracing being alone has almost made me less alone in many cases.
评论 #6637025 未加载
rb2k_超过 11 年前
I&#x27;ll be moving from Germany to Boston in a month, one of the things that I&#x27;m looking forward to is the chance to enjoy this process of &quot;being alone&quot; and &quot;Pushing back on discomfort&quot;.<p>As much as I enjoy the company of my friends, having complete freedom and no accountability to anybody also has its advantages :)<p>That being said, cities like SF&#x2F;Boston&#x2F;New York&#x2F;... make it easy to keep &quot;alone&quot; from turning into &quot;lonely&quot;. I couldn&#x27;t imagine doing the same in the far out suburbs.
评论 #6636363 未加载
评论 #6636306 未加载
Nilzor超过 11 年前
What does he mean with &quot;When we’re alone, we’ve been conditioned by society to believe that we should stay alone.&quot;? I waiting for an explanation in the article but it never came
spennino超过 11 年前
Now no one has an excuse not to come to the next Watsi &#x2F; Teespring party!
评论 #6636147 未加载
themoonbus超过 11 年前
This reads like a talk that someone would give at orientation in college... does the tech community in SF really need this much help socializing?
评论 #6636423 未加载
Touche超过 11 年前
&gt; When alone in a sea of strangers, no such frameworks exist, so change is easier — we can experiment with who we are and how we act. We can construct a new identity framework for every new conversation we have. We can try being someone else.<p>This is very true, and why I find myself most comfortable around people I don&#x27;t know, especially if there is no expectation that I&#x27;m going to ever talk to them again. It&#x27;s very freeing to be able to be your absolute self with no baggage or expectations.<p>Whenever I&#x27;m around friends I&#x27;ve had since high school I find myself acting very different than I normally do, in order to maintain that identity framework I&#x27;ve built for them. It takes a little while to slide into that identity but once I do I&#x27;m fairly comfortable.<p>I really struggle around casual acquaintances. I just don&#x27;t know what to say to these people. We already know each other well enough, but without a desire to become close friends with them you&#x27;re stuck simply refreshing each other on what you&#x27;ve been up to.
robertnealan超过 11 年前
A few summers back I opted to ride my bike back to San Francisco from Washington DC rather than fly. Everyone thought it was crazy to do it alone (and I secretly agreed), but in reality it was one of the best decisions I ever made. Over those 2 1&#x2F;2 months I met countless people, slept on numerous strangers&#x27; couches, and made more friends than any other period of my life (several of whom I still keep in regular contact). It was awkward and it was comfortable, but it was an experience I&#x27;d encourage anybody interested to take.<p>Like Jesse said, acting Y around someone whose used to you acting X can cause reason for concern and alarm. When you&#x27;re alone you don&#x27;t have those checks&#x2F;balances and can really evaluate who you are without the boundaries that persist in your normal social circle. &quot;Aloneness&quot; can be uncomfortable and confusing, but rewarding if you manage to wade through it all.<p>On the flipside I regretfully now tend to cause awkward situations by being too casual with people I&#x27;ve just met. Whoops?
iamleppert超过 11 年前
While reading this I couldn&#x27;t help but feel sorry for this guy. What a depressing and uninspiring life to pour all your energy into one thing and at the same time sacrifice some of the best years of your life. For what? A start-up and the promise of becoming rich or tech famous?<p>We are all social creatures. The inability to be social is most definitely a problem, and leading a lifestyle that deprives you of a stimulating, diverse group of friends is damaging and unsustainable.<p>I&#x27;m happy this guy ventured out into an unfamiliar social situation. People are often afraid of doing stuff like this because they think it will be uncomfortable. And, indeed, sometimes it is. However, that doesn&#x27;t mean you need to become anti-social.
lemonberry超过 11 年前
Good for you for breaking out of your comfort zone. It&#x27;s not easy to do. But with practice just about anything gets easier. I&#x27;m naturally very social and &quot;good with people&quot; so this is rarely a problem I experience. I have, however, coached friends on interacting with others. A few points to consider for anyone that finds social interactions difficult: 1. breathe - sounds so obvious, but people tense up 2. listen 2. ask questions of others and be interested 3. listen 4. humility - don&#x27;t try to impress everyone<p>Again, nice work for getting out there.
pearjuice超过 11 年前
I come to HN for intriguing, inspiring and educative news&#x2F;items followed by proper discussion. For the life of me I fail to comprehend why this diary-blog-post managed to get, at the time of writing, 144 points and still not have a [dead] tag prepended to it. This is Hacker News. Not Tumblr-privilege-core. The only thing related to HN I could find in that entire article was Watsi. And then even that was taken downhill by appending &quot;party&quot; to it.
评论 #6637530 未加载
forsaken超过 11 年前
A fantastic video along the same lines: <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.youtube.com&#x2F;watch?v=k7X7sZzSXYs</a>
nowarninglabel超过 11 年前
As a socially awkward individual, I couldn&#x27;t think of a better place to get out in public then at Watsi &#x2F; Teespring &#x2F; Goldbelly HQ. Chase, Netta, Grace, and the whole Watsi team are super awesome people and passionate about what they are doing. At their office warming party they had an office naming contest which got people talking&#x2F;connected, have to wonder what ended up being the winning name?
评论 #6637359 未加载
Demiurge超过 11 年前
So, is Twitter or Facebook the only way to get randomly invited to a party with your social compatibility? Is privacy equivalent to aloneness nowdays?
nutela超过 11 年前
Very good write up. Esp. about the identies framework. When you are feeling not really yourself it&#x27;s time to explore! Best is when the sence of self dissapears, look how many friends you make then :-)
mrwnmonm超过 11 年前
i have a problem with people also, i have something like a thread running trying to analysing everything the other person is saying but not in a normal way, i just don&#x27;t feel comfort, it like a threat i should defend by thinking very quickly, anyone else have this problem?
epsylon超过 11 年前
&gt; Aloneness is not loneliness<p>Isn&#x27;t &quot;aloneness&quot; what English-speaking people usually call solitude?
Adamantite超过 11 年前
If you&#x27;re a participant of social media, namely Twitter or Facebook, reciprocating with people on the Internet, you run a popular blog, and you&#x27;re the guy on this page by the same name: <a href="https://getclef.com/company" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;getclef.com&#x2F;company</a><p>You&#x27;re not alone. You&#x27;re privileged. You probably don&#x27;t even know what real loneliness is. You&#x27;re just a hipster who thinks they&#x27;re alone, so you can write a blog post about it and get views. I doubt there are any actual lonely people in San Francisco or Oakland who work at a start up. After all, isn&#x27;t that why you moved there despite how expensive it is? It&#x27;s a glorious hub of youth and social activity, that&#x27;s why you moved there. Don&#x27;t bullshit with real loneliness.
评论 #6636558 未加载
评论 #6636649 未加载