Have you ever been successful in changing your personality?

It takes 30 days to form a new habit. You just have to get there. Routine is the key. And early mornings are the best, because you never have the excuse to say "I've had a shitty day at work, all I want is a pizza and a beer". For me it was the gym. Every morning (almost!) I roll in there at 6am before I'm even really awake. "Alright, lads" I say, "alright", they reply, it's always the same crowd, they are very serious people, and now I am pretty serious too. And I don't need to force myself to do it now either, because it's what I <i>do</i>, I'm the sort of person now who in the winter when it's dark outside will trudge through the snow then train so hard in an unheated former warehouse that steam pours off me and I <i>like</i> being that person.<p>So set your alarm an hour earlier tomorrow and commit yourself to playing your guitar (or whatever) for an hour before starting your day. If you're tired and go to bed an hour earlier, so what, you were going to waste that hour watching TV anyway, get some sleep and get up early and do it again the next day. Then soon this will just be <i>what you do</i> and you'll wonder how it was ever any other way.<p>Also as Confucious said, if a man chases two chickens they will both get away.

Is your personality type 'INTP', perchance?<p>INTPs have these constant internal battles. We're good at concentrating and love working in the realm of ideas. However, we're often an impractical lot and procrastination is pretty rampant among the other INTPs I know. The biggest problem, I think, is that we just really suck at perceiving the passage of time, and the daydreaming, writing, or discussion of ideas is often rewarding enough just to stop there.<p>INTJs are supposed to have many of the same qualities of INTPs but tend to be more sure of themselves, and therefore, more productive (or more capable of delivering 'products' within 'deadlines'). They seem to live in the moment a bit more, and I would venture to guess that they make better entrepreneurs.<p>As an INTP, I feel I can relate to your situation. I too often wonder if my problem relates to a personality temperament, and truly can be changed. It really bothers me that I have little to show for all the work I do in my head, and this frustration has helped motivate me, but I still don't feel like I've been truly 'unlocked'.<p>To compound the problem, INTPs make up about 1% to 3% of the population, which means not many people can relate to the INTP mindset and are more likely just to call you a whiner without attempting to appreciate where you are strong, and why that strength makes you weaker in other areas.<p>Any INTPs out there who feel they've overcome their temperament's negative traits? How did <i>you</i> do it?

Have you ever lived in a different country? I mean really lived there, not just visited? Radically changing your environment can do very well in radically changing your conception of yourself. Does the large multinational corporation you work for ever give people in your department a chance to relocate? That might be a great growth opportunity for you.

Some no nonsense anti- procrastination/perfectionism tips:<p>Structured Procrastination <a href="http://www.structuredprocrastination.com" rel="nofollow">http://www.structuredprocrastination.com</a><p>The Cult of Done Manifesto <a href="http://www.brepettis.com/blog/2009/3/3/the-cult-of-done-manifesto.html" rel="nofollow">http://www.brepettis.com/blog/2009/3/3/the-cult-of-done-mani...</a><p>Merlin Mann on Doing Creative Work <a href="http://www.maximumfun.org/sound-young-america/maxfuncon-merlin-mann-doing-creative-work-sound-young-america" rel="nofollow">http://www.maximumfun.org/sound-young-america/maxfuncon-merl...</a><p>Beating The Little Hater <a href="http://www.podtech.net/home/4760/beating-the-little-hater" rel="nofollow">http://www.podtech.net/home/4760/beating-the-little-hater</a><p>Ze Frank on Executing Ideas Vs "Brain Crack" <a href="http://lifehacker.com/5142776/ze-frank-on-executing-ideas-vs-brain-crack" rel="nofollow">http://lifehacker.com/5142776/ze-frank-on-executing-ideas-vs...</a>

One thing I've learned is that you have the power of mind control. And the more you use it, the better you are at it.<p>So, in the case of trying to commit yourself to new goals, first decide on a goal. Then decide when you want to apply time to the goal. And then, most importantly, when you're not working on your goal, use mind control to not negatively think about the goal and the efforts involved to accomplish that goal.<p>Here's a dumb example, but it can be applied to many cases. Unloading the dishwasher. If, ahead of time, you think about the steps that you're going to have to take to unload the dishwasher, you won't do it. But if you use mind control, and don't think about the steps it's going to take to unload the dishwasher, but just think about the fact you need to unload the dishwasher, you will do it.<p>In other words, procrastinators over think things, to the point they overwhelm themselves. But you have to constantly use mind control, and understand that the more you use it, the easier it is to use.<p>I used to be a huge procrastinator, but using mind control, I've literally transformed myself into a person that can't stop working. I've been successful at this transformation for the last two years, so it's definitely working.

This may sound like a nonsequitur but take up rock climbing. I spent the better part of 10 years languishing in helpdesk hell dreaming of getting a job as a developer. I just could NOT muster the stuff to get off my ass and make the changes required to change career tracks. Too comfortable with the routine I guess.<p>I got interested in rock climbing after seeing some climbers in action during a vacation trip to Wyoming. I've been climbing for three years now and I'm employed as a web developer, I've gotten to speak at a major technical conference (used to have hideous performance anxiety), and I'm contributing to open source projects. I'm also in the best shape I've been in my life. Good luck to you.

A couple of thoughts, probably cribbed wholesale from elsewhere since I've read so much on these topics.<p>1. Set the bar low, and gradually raise it. Make your goal for tomorrow to work on a designated creative project for 30 minutes. If you can do it -- great. Set the same goal for the next day, or maybe a little more. Think of self-discipline training sort of like weight training. You can't suddenly, by dint of will, force yourself to bench press 600 pounds, let alone do a complete workout every day. Maybe your personal max right now is 30 minutes four times a week ... start with that and build from there.<p>2. [This is from the book Do It Tomorrow, which I recently read and enjoyed quite a bit.] Make your creative project your "current initiative," which means IT COMES FIRST. That might mean it's the first thing you do when you sit down at the computer after work (if you can't do it at work), or whatever ... but whatever you do, start working on it first, before getting bogged down in day-to-day stuff like answering email and reading HN :). As in (1), you don't need to set huge goals ...if you keep blasting away at something a little bit every morning, you'll start making some serious progress.

You can change this trait! I promise you, you're not stuck with it.<p>I'm about your age and I was a huge procrastinator and underachiever until only 2-3 years ago. Since then, mostly through "grit", I was able to acquire a job as a senior software engineer, despite having no degree, and not even owning a computer until I was 23.<p>I suspect you are like me in that you are much more interested in novelty and idea generation than in execution. I always had good ideas and did well on aptitude tests, but was seriously short on follow-through. I overcame my procrastination mainly following two principles:<p>1. Focus on one main project/goal at a time. Period. I know it sucks, but it's simply too easy to get distracted if you don't handcuff yourself. Every project has interesting parts and boring parts. If you have multiple projects, you end up thinking about the interesting part about some other project as soon as you get to a boring part of the first.<p>Figure that you'll do everything you want to do serially instead of in parallel. This makes it all the clearer how little time there is in life to do everything you want to do, and the realization is painful, but that's too bad. You aren't <i>actually</i> getting more done just because you've got multiple projects going on at the same time. In fact, for some (most?) of us, you're getting less done.<p>When you don't try to do anything seriously, it seems like you can do everything. It will be demoralizing to see how slow progress is when you're focusing on only one project. It's still worth it in the end, and you'll finally get a better understanding of the actual scope of your capabilities. This will allow you to make better decisions about time expenditure going forward.<p>Make the one thing you focus on have a definite end point. A goal. It can't be "get better at the piano". It has to be, "give a live performance".<p>Maybe some people can have multiple concurrent goals/projects. You can't. The sooner you face up to this, the better off you'll be. You'll feel like you're cutting off the boundless possibilities open to you. You ARE. That's life.<p>2. Do the boring parts. If you can learn to take pride in doing the boring parts, you will be formidable. A lot of idea people/dreamers never figure this out. Ideas are so damned fun to think about.<p>Count your blessings. In my opinion, it's easier to learn to do the boring parts than it is to become creative.<p>The advantage of focusing on one goal/project is that there's nowhere to hide when you get to the boring parts. If you want to finish, you have to do them. Your mind can't casually escape into thinking about the interesting part of another problem because there is no other problem. This is huge because the problem of avoiding boring parts is abstract, often gradual. It sneaks up on you. You've got to constantly be on guard for avoiding the boring parts of the project.<p>These days, I always know what my project is, and I can state it succinctly in one sentence. I keep it in my mind at all times so I know exactly where I'm going. In addition to the original inspiration, I take pride in powering through the dull intermediate steps of a project that most everyone else fall down on.

I'm a procrastinator, but that didn't stop me learning guitar or becoming a writer. I can easily write around 2,000 a day, just because I want to write, but that didn't come without a lot of effort.<p>As a procrastinator you'll never have the motivation to do something creative unless you force yourself to do it. I've wanted to be a writer since before I can remember, I was writing stories at 10 years old that were about as talented as a large bowel movement.<p>I'm now 21, I successfully procrastinated myself through highschool, college and into immigrating to another country. I'm forcibly unemployed (I don't want to jeopardise my immigration as I'm moving for QoL not money, UK-&#62;Canada) which gives me ample opportunity to procrastinate, but I quickly put an end to that.<p>I spent several months writing at every opportunity possible. When my wife naps, I'm on the computer writing. When I'm home alone, I'm writing. When I'm on the train I'm thinking through the next few paragraphs, I'm having arguments between characters in my head.<p>My advice for doing something creative, you've got to devote every free second you have to the task. Any work breaks, especially lunch breaks, the daily commute (either read a book on the train/bus or listen to an audiobook if you drive) . . . when you've done what you planned <i>then</i> you can procrastenate.<p>I've done my quota for the day, that's why I'm wasting time on HN and not working. I've always been lazy and I've never let it stop me from doing something I wanted to do.<p>It's entirely your choice if you do something creative or not, but to change who you are you've got to live the new life before it'll become you.

Two pointers:<p>1. Desperation helps. "Necessity is the mother of all invention." If you <i>have</i> to do something, you will. I was never able to launch products on time until I started taking preorders, promising a firm date, and guaranteeing we'd ship by that date. If I negotiate a project management contract, I like to negotiate for "guaranteed xyz milestones by zyx for abc pay" terms. Part of my pay attached to getting things done on time. I once put in 60 hours of work over 3 days to launch on time. (work 20 hours, sleep 4 hours, work 20, sleep 4, work 20, then sleep for like a whole day) (lots and lots and lots of caffeine, half delirious, but we launched on time) (also - not recommended).<p>2. Manipulate your environment. People tell me I have iron willpower a lot, and they admire that, etc, etc. Bullshit. I try to eat well, but if I have a bunch of chocolate and cookies and junk in my home, I eat it. So? I buy a bunch of clean, healthy, easy to eat food with low barriers. Want to jump on something tomorrow? Make a to-do list for the next day the night before, line up all the materials I need, and make a note, "Don't turn on computer until making these 3 unpleasant tedious phone calls." And so on.<p>Two very related, highly recommended posts:<p><a href="http://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/blog/barriers-are-your-enemy/" rel="nofollow">http://www.iwillteachyoutoberich.com/blog/barriers-are-your-...</a><p><a href="http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2008/07/habit-change-is-like-chess/" rel="nofollow">http://www.stevepavlina.com/blog/2008/07/habit-change-is-lik...</a><p>Building your environment so success is easy and failure is hard helps a lot. It's hard to brute force willpower yourself against your environment. Changing your environment to suit your goals helps a lot.

If you're anything like me, I hope I can explain to you what's that and how to fix it.<p>I started digging into Rails and writing my first project with it while working on my dayjob. At this time I was still taking bass guitar classes and spending my last year at the university. Having all this things at once did not allow me to work on each one of them long and hard enough. Which led to procrastination. Which led to general unhappiness.<p>Then I decided to eliminate the less important things one by one. I quit the bass guitar lessons, then graduated from the university, then quit my job. Finally, I only had my Rails project on my mind. One thing. I became extremely productive and felt happier. Of course, later I had to look for another job (which I also quit), but I knew this was going to be temporary and I'm working on my new project again now.<p>I'm actually 23 and I imagine things are a bit different for a 30 y.o., probably with a family and responsibilities. But it seems to me that the real reason for procrastination is not being a lazy jackass. In fact, lazyjackiness is a reaction for trying to do too much things at a time and not thinking about the real priority, which is going to make you happy both in the short and long run.<p>So my advice to you: find a way to concentrate on this one most important thing for now, by all means find this way.

Consider this aphorism every time you want to procrastinate: "Make decisions based on what will lead to happiness, not what avoids discomfort." Think it over...

Maybe you can't decide on which "creative" type of work to do. One day you want to write iPhone apps, the next day you want to play prog guitar, the next you want to learn lisp, ad infinitum.<p>You can't do that. You have to decide on one thing and concentrate. Make it your bitch. Practice it well for 20,000 hours. I can't stress this enough, you have to commit to one thing. If you can't do that, you'll continue to backpedal (and continue to feel unhappy, per your definition.)<p>You'll also need some sort of motivation. It might be a person you don't want to disappoint who is asking about your progress and who is there for you when you want to quit. It might be some internal drive for perfection... It doesn't matter what ''it'' is, but that thing has to exist and you have to be emotionally tied to it.<p>Of course, let me know if you can figure out how to find the one thing to focus on... I can't.

There's a lot of excellent forward looking advice here - I particularly agree with those suggesting you set some bigger goals to motivate yourself, and commit for the 4 weeks / 30 days it takes to build a habit.<p>I have also found benefit working on my past with a personal coach (therapist, shrink, good friend - whatever works for you). A lot of my procrastination came from feeling guilty relaxing and doing casual things just for me - if I <i>did that task right now</i> I'd be able to relax, but because I felt guilty about that outcome I would drag out the task in front of me.<p>There were some other root causes I needed to work through, but in the last 3 months I've seen a massive turnaround in my personal energy and productivity. Results may vary, but I was ready to change and found dealing with past stuff helped me stick to the future goals and planning.

You need pain. All this "30 days to form a new habit" stuff is bullshit - for certain personality types anyway. I went to the gym for months but it eventually tailed off.<p>I've found the best motivator is always pain. I was sloppy at cleaning my teeth until I had some <i>major</i> dental pain and a ton of expensive dental surgery. Now I'm brushing and flossing all the time - guaranteed.<p>I used to be sloppy at dealing with e-mails. Now I try and get on the case right away as I found the pain and shame of dealing with irate people calling me up to be worse than just doing the e-mail.<p>So, pain, that's my recommendation. It's also something Tony Robbins tends to go on about. Find pains associated with undesired behaviors and realize them. Find pleasures associated with desired behaviors and realize them. The rest follows automatically.

I'd like to share a couple gems that psychology has actually produced:<p>1. One of the most important skills for success is the ability to <i>distract yourself from immediate desires</i>.<p>Delaying gratification, by looking away, thinking about something else is THE skill behind "self-control."<p>2. Expertise is developed in a very stable pattern of external motivation, mentoring, and consistent <i>deliberate</i> practice.<p>That means 1. Surround yourself with people who are doing what you want to do 2. Find someone to TEACH you how to do what you want to do and 3. Spend 30 mins a day rising to 2 hours a day over the course of a year or two on the target of your expertise. (Spending more time on the things you suck at than the easy bits) 10k hours later you'll be an expert.<p>Sources provided if needed!

Like someone mentioned, 28 days is what it takes to form a habit, through the formation of neural links in the brain.<p>However, to last 28 days, you will need something else to inspire you. Nothing works like love/sex, which are evolutionary needs embedded into our limbic memory. You have to somehow derive inspiration from either of these two to last 28 days.<p>I know because I have, on 2 occasions - and have achieved minor miracles :D . On others, I continue being the same as you. But its comforting ( and scary since I don't want to be 30 and still a lazy ass ) to know that there's more than one of us.

When you have those moments where you do actually get things done, are you still focusing on the mundane tasks? That might be why the inspiration isn't lasting. Set aside a small amount of time each day to work on some creative task. Don't obsess too much over picking something really impressive or useful; start small. Stick with it, and eventually you'll find yourself more energized toward everything else.<p>"We should be taught not to wait for inspiration to start a thing. Action always generates inspiration. Inspiration seldom generates action." -Frank Tibolt

<a href="http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/technology/science/want-to-get-ahead-sleep-in/article1065333/" rel="nofollow">http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/technology/science/want-...</a><p>Maybe it's not you that needs to change but how you fit in with the dominant early-bird culture.<p>My own experience suggests changing personal behavior, much less personality traits, is an uphill struggle that requires substantial effort. Gaius is right on the 30 days to make a habit theory...

Maybe, instead of struggling against yourself, why not try to figure out what you really want. I don't mean what you believe you should want, based on your talents, but what you actually want. Perhaps what you really desire, you think is wrong or out of reach, so you focus on things that you believe can be done, but eventually doesn't fullfill your soul. But above all, don't despair, because you're not alone in these quest, and it's not an easy one.<p>Best wishes!

My "hyperbrain" article series might be of interest to you. I go into quite a lot of detail to provide techniques that help with some of the characteristics of smart, highly distracted, obsessive people like us. Start here:<p><a href="http://inter-sections.net/2008/08/28/hyperbrain-owners-manual-1-the-big-picture" rel="nofollow">http://inter-sections.net/2008/08/28/hyperbrain-owners-manua...</a>

You might also like this entry (ignore the slightly misleading link-bait title, the principal on focus is a good one) <a href="http://thinksimplenow.com/productivity/the-4-hour-workday/" rel="nofollow">http://thinksimplenow.com/productivity/the-4-hour-workday/</a><p>And also, <a href="http://zenhabits.com" rel="nofollow">http://zenhabits.com</a>, this is a great resource of inspiration for me.

I managed to change a bad habit of mine--I've always had a problem getting up early. I changed this two years ago when I moved into a new house with large full-length windows in the bedroom. I discovered that when I kept the drapes open, I would consistently wake up around 6:30. With the extra time, I'm not rushed in the morning and even work out a few days per week.

For any kind of self-modification project, I strongly recommend the book "Self-directed behavior" by Watson &#38; Tharp. It's the thinking man's (or woman's) self-help book, with general all-purpose advice for any kind of change. Very practical and very useful.

Thanks for asking this. I've been feeling the same way lately and many of the suggestions here seem like great ideas. Time to set my homepage to dontbreakthechain.com and hit the gym!

I'd like to think I've been successfully changing my personality continuously since I first started caring.

set the goal, write the goal down as a sequence of steps in a calendar - if a step seems too difficult break it down into smaller steps, do a little bit, measure your progress, adjust your schedule. repeat for 30 days. revisit your assumptions about your genetic laziness theory.

Good question. I changed "my personality" a few times according to your definition. Your description sounds to me as if you are both bored and not at all challenged.<p>A person who is interested in quantum mechanics is obviously not the right type to perform tedious IT tasks amidst corporate dullness.<p>Save a little money, then travel a while and take a book an quantum mechanics with you. The rest will follow. My changes were never complete but they worked.

Read "The Path of Least Resistance." Take notes. Read it again.<p>All other tips are just surface bandaids, attempting to cover up the real problem. Your symptoms are symptoms, not problems in and of themselves. No amount of commitment, tips, hacks, or self-badgery is going to change you if you don't attack the root of the problem.<p>As Einstein said, "Problems cannot be solved by the same level of thinking that created them."

I, like you, spend a great deal of my time "up in the clouds,"so to speak. Grandiose, whimsical ideas are for the most part what keep me going, and do well to quell the drudgery of routine/secondary education. All I can say is a bit of pragmatism (which is borderline sacrilege to the ears of a dreamer) goes a long way in overcoming inhibitions or procrastination.

you can actually differentiate between your MBTI type (i.e. ENTP etc.) vs. your DiSC behavioral pattern - your personality might be the same but depending on the context (home, work, leisure) - your behavior can change from a Di to an IS or even an SC

You described me exactly except I'm only 22. I've lost a pretty serious relationship as well because I became a very "going through the motions" kind of guy and basically stopped really caring about anything.<p>My advice is to get yourself a mind mapping tool (xmind is free) and name the center item "Life" and just put down everything in your life on there. I just did this and have branches for Projects, Work, School, Social, Personal, and Financial. Fill up the the whole thing with both where you are and where you want to be.<p>I have found that having everything objectively in front of me instead of floating around my head drastically improves my ability to line them up and evaluate everything for what it's worth. By having it all laid out in front of you, you can see what areas need attention and which ones can hold off for a while.<p>Also, ideas aren't a bad thing. I find myself drowning in new ideas, almost to an ADHD level of lack of focus. The best thing you can do is pick 2 or even 3 of the main ones you want to focus on and write down everything else. You don't want to forget your ideas but at the same time you don't want to lose focus, so keep a notebook full of everything you think of until you have time to go through it.<p>Bite sized chunks are really important too. I fell into a lot of financial troubles because I just stopped caring, stopped opening my bills, just overall gave up. If that's the case, go through your finances and find out exactly how much you need to live on, add a few hundred for just in case, and divide that by 20 to find out roughly what you need to be making on a normal work day to get by. That way you can see at a moment's notice if you're working enough or not.<p>Lastly, I kind of just started feeling really guilty about the way I was acting. It didn't take much for me to drop everything and head to the bars with friends, and that lack of self control greatly impeded my ability to get work done. I've since developed a bad taste in my mouth and am consciously working on making sure I don't screw around as much.<p>It's easy to be lazy man, it happens. You have to harness your willpower to pull yourself out of the rut. Start small, track everything, and improve upon yesterday always. You'll get there, it just takes active thought to make it happen. Good luck.<p>EDIT: I almost forgot a big part of fixing things. Make lists. For everything. Grocery Lists, todo lists, goal lists. Todo Lists are the most important thing to help with procrastination.<p>What's important to remember is to make everything on your todo list "actionable" (to borrow from GTD). so don't put "build website for Greg"...instead put "setup server, install CMS, mockup template, etc...you want individual, achievable items, so that you can both: see what needs to be done, and see what has been done. This is key to you breaking your habit...

I can definitely say your dilemma is nothing new.<p>"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do."<p><a href="http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans%207:15;&#38;version=31" rel="nofollow">http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans%207:15;&#...</a>;