Tell HN: My Brother Died Last Week. His Death Will Not Be In Vain

There is an organisation called BlueHackers.org [0] which was started at the Open Source Developers Conference. It has a strong presence at linux.conf.au as well.<p>The organisation started from a very brief lightning talk that went something along the lines of (me paraphrasing from memory):<p>&quot;Who here in this room has experienced depression?&quot; (for which the person asking the question put their hand up. After a few seconds, quite a few people in the crowd had their hands up. &quot;Look around, I want you to know that you are not the only ones who experience this, and there are always people willing to talk.&quot;<p>One of the ideas they have is, for anybody who is willing, to put a BlueHackers sticker on their laptop. This little gesture is more than just a decal though, because it informs other hackers that you understand that if they are feeling depressed, they don&#x27;t need to deal with it on their own. You are telling them that you are willing to discuss anything with them, especially if they are feeling down.<p>I have had the sticker on my laptop for over two years now. Although I haven&#x27;t had anybody recognise it, or comment on it, or indeed discuss any issues with me as a consequence of it, and although I myself have been lucky enough not to have to experience depression, I am absolutely, 100% willing to respond to anybody who wishes to chat to me about such issues (on the off chance they recognise the BlueHackers sticker). I would love if this idea took off, so that people all around the world could see that there are so many people who are willing to talk.<p>[0] - <a href="http://bluehackers.org/" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;bluehackers.org&#x2F;</a>

I get the impression that this is a long, polite way of saying Steve committed suicide.<p>The last time I was on HN and the topic of suicide came up, I wrote kind of a ranty piece that I am not up to editing it (to remove the rantiness) and reposting. The short version: If you know someone who is suicidal and you care about them, spend time with them. <i>In person.</i> Suicide is almost always committed when one is alone.<p>My credentials: I attempted suicide at 17 and have been hospitalized once or twice for being suicidal in my teens&#x2F;twenties. In recent years, when medical issues make me mentally and emotionally unstable, my adult sons &quot;babysit&quot; me (in other words, I am not left alone when I might be genuinely suicidal and not just grumpy about life&#x27;s stressors). I am 48 and I am okay these days in spite of serious medical problems which have somatopsychic impacts (it&#x27;s a real word -- look it up). So I know it is a method that works.

From Stephen&#x27;s tumblr:<p>&quot;23RD JAN 2014 Recent experiences caused me to examine my motivation for undertaking potentially revenue-generating projects. I initiated this site in order to produce income — a reason which seemed to require no further examination at the time. However, upon further reflection I discovered that I sought something more significant than income.<p>After pondering more deeply, I realized that income generation is not my ultimate motivation; I recognized that there are contexts in which money is useless or non-existent (e.g. being stranded alone on an island; or when a national government is radically re-structured in the wake of a natural disaster). Money is merely a means to attain other ends — it is a tool. Accordingly, I recognized that creating and producing value is my primary goal, while income generation follows subsequently.<p>This realization informs my time expenditure; I could cease writing this passage, and instead apply for employment positions via the internet. Conceivably, this strategy could be more effective for increasing my revenue over the short term — prior to my insight of today, I might have pursued this option. However, I now distinguish between income generation and value creation, and currently aim to maximize the latter. Accordingly, I will perform salaried labor for the minimum amount of time necessary to meet my material needs, while devoting all time thereafter to working on my venture.&quot;<p>Insightful, admirable person. Rest in peace.

Thank you for starting a conversation about this. I know it&#x27;s difficult, but it&#x27;s important for the health and wellbeing of many other people struggling with the same problems that there are conversations like this one.<p>I&#x27;ve struggled with depression too, though never been suicidal. Both of my parents made multiple suicide attempts last year.<p>I hope you don&#x27;t blame yourself for not being there for your brother. You can&#x27;t predict when someone will need help, it&#x27;s extremely difficult for most people to offer effective help, and people struggling with depression and other mental illnesses often get good at hiding it.

The fact that talking about mental health issues is beyond &quot;the fringe of acceptable conversation&quot; is harmful. I wholeheartedly agree that something needs to change on this front in order to prevent more tragedies. One small step would be to stop saying &quot;lost the battle and passed from this world&quot; and say &quot;committed suicide.&quot;<p>We will not be able to engage in thoughtful, constructive and mature conversations if one of the unfortunate outcomes of mental illness is so taboo that we can not speak its name in public. Can you imagine a sexual education class where the teacher used terms like &quot;thingies,&quot; &quot;who-hahs&quot; or &quot;that other kind of sex&quot;?

I&#x27;m sorry for your loss. I lost my son to suicide in 2009. He was brilliant, very sociable, very mature and he too struggled with mental illness. Today I know a lot more about the subject and I&#x27;m trying to help preventing more suicides from happening and mental health from being poorly diagnosed and treated. Right now I&#x27;m working on a project to develop apps for smart devices that can help people at risk of suicide. If anyone wants to help, please, contact me.

I am sorry for your loss.<p>&gt; What happened to Stephen and our family is something that “happens to someone else.”<p>Mental health issues impact everyone at some point in their life – either personally, or through someone close. Unfortunately, society seems to discount mental health issues – they are not an open discussion topic. They are complex and difficult to understand and diagnose. This is something we should all endeavor to correct, for the better health of everyone.

EMRo, I&#x27;m so so sorry about your loss and your family&#x27;s loss. Thank you for writing about it. Please take care of yourself as well—and let others take care of you. Grief lasts a lifetime, but it won&#x27;t always hurt as acutely as it does now. Along the way, you might find some of this helpful; I know I do. <a href="http://quinnnorton.com/revived/tips.html" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;quinnnorton.com&#x2F;revived&#x2F;tips.html</a>

I can only sympathize with what Evan and Stephen went through. We must break the stigma against mental illness. It is far too wide reaching and impactful not to be at the forefront of technology innovation and health research. I challenge new startups to start attacking depression and anxiety disorders.<p>The best solution to depression is often simply finding what works for you through trial and error of available options including medication, therapy, supplements, better nutrition, exercise etc. Unfortunately, this is a long and arduous process that some never make it through. How can we accelerate this discovery process for mentally ill people to find the help they need?

Terribly sorry for your loss. My condolences and sympathy are with you and your family. And I mean that for real. HN has been there for me through death and we are here for you too bro.

EMRo - I&#x27;m very sorry for your loss.<p>I am going through something similar right now with my father who has psychotic depression. It is really hard.<p>Thank you for your post, and for helping to raise awareness about this. I will try to help.

This story about your brother&#x27;s struggle was moving...I&#x27;m sorry to hear about your loss. Mental health-related causes are personal to me as well.<p>I think you touched on one of the biggest issues: the stereotype that people with mental health problems appear different and have a lower social status. As your story illustrates, the conditions affect all sorts of people, including those who are smart, successful and career-oriented.<p>Many people fail to recognize the severity of psychological problems because they&#x27;re too busy looking at superficial measures of well being: a person&#x27;s career, his or her physical appearance, etc. But depression has made some of us feel as if we&#x27;re in a deep fog or a war zone, even if, on the surface, we live in nice neighborhoods and succeed in the workplace.<p>The key is to be more vocal about this struggle beneath the surface — and to speak up very soon. In my observation, the earlier in life a person can overcome depression, the greater his or her chances of becoming happy and stable.<p>Kudos on taking the initiative to speak up about this important issue and responding constructively to such as a great loss.

I&#x27;m extremely sorry for your loss EMRo.<p>I&#x27;m not aware of your brothers mental health issues but I can certainty relate. If I find that my mental health is deteriorating I try to do two things. 1- Start the process of cognitive creativity to stimulate my mind 2- Reach out to the world by attempting to solve someones problems<p>By taking focus away from my world and looking at others, I can better come to self realization and my drive to good use by connecting with others. Often when times are hard you just need to reach out and get a response from anyone. I decided to make this website <a href="http://boopoohoo.com" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;boopoohoo.com</a> that allows for that feedback loop I need to keep going. I don&#x27;t know the people there and it doesn&#x27;t get all that much traffic but I check it daily just encase someone has left me a message. A simple thing such as telling a total stranger your opinion on a delama they are having can make a world of difference in their day.<p>If you ever need to reach out, I&#x27;m happy to help.....

I hope one day coming out as mentally ill will have no more stigma than announcing you have cancer.

So sorry for your loss EMRo.<p>If I were anywhere nearby I&#x27;d have come along to the memorial service but the Atlantic is quite big... I hope the service goes well for you all.<p>Sadly the troll(s) in this thread are demonstrating the kind of prejudice that can make it difficult to have a serious discussion about the more immediate problems faced by people suffering from mental health problems.

I am sorry for your loss.<p>My friend committed suicide in a very public way almost three years ago. She was at that the time just completed her master degree, got a high paying job, recently married and fund-raised thousands of dollars for charity. She was pretty much in the traditional &#x27;well on her way&#x27; trajectory that many people are dreaming of.<p>Suicide is hard to understand.

I wanted to take a minute to just say that this thread has moved me to tears.<p>Firstly, people sharing their story. This is exactly what Steve wanted, to share his story, his ideas. Sharing the story is so important to removing the stigma around mental health. It warms my heart to see people with the courage to tell others about their struggles (and then it double-warms my heart to see other people supporting them!!)<p>Secondly, the sheer support for him. He was a quiet person but a mental giant. Just to have so many people acknowledge him is truly beautiful for me and my family.

So sorry for your loss. I lost my father about seven years ago. The time following that period was excruciating. It sounds like your mindset is in the right direction. Just make sure to surround yourself with people that support you.<p>Here&#x27;s my story. If you ever need to bounce ideas back and forth or just need someone to talk to, send me a message via twitter and we can take it offline.<p><a href="https://medium.com/philosophy-and-psychology/97b44f17cd81" rel="nofollow">https:&#x2F;&#x2F;medium.com&#x2F;philosophy-and-psychology&#x2F;97b44f17cd81</a>

No one has posted a link to this poem which I learned about ... many years ago in high school. It has always stayed with me and touches upon the fundamental philosophical issues around suicide - survivor&#x27;s guilt, the &quot;why?&quot;, the essential loneliness of every individual...<p><a href="http://www.poemhunter.com/poem/richard-cory/" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.poemhunter.com&#x2F;poem&#x2F;richard-cory&#x2F;</a>

I don&#x27;t get what is brother suffered of, how it&#x27;s linked to his death and what&#x27;s the call to action is. But I&#x27;m sorry someone died.

Very sorry for your loss. I have not lost family to suicide but I have lost two friends to this. There&#x27;s nothing else to say really.

This was well written. It also sounds like suicide and I can&#x27;t imagine how one must feel to do such a thing. But it reminds me that despite all cool toys and great achievements, what really matters in this life is others we can talk to and rely on. And this shouldn&#x27;t only include friends and family but society as a whole.

I was caught thinking whether he committed suicide. It is a brave idea to discuss the intimate details of such a grave news, but transparency to the last mile will only help others a little more.

This reminds me of: <a href="http://patientslikeme.com" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;patientslikeme.com</a>

What a terrible loss. I&#x27;m sorry.

Sorry for your loss.<p>Make every day count!

Sorry for your loss.

Really sorry for your loss.

I would start out by saying there&#x27;s a stigma around mental illness and that it&#x27;s not a &quot;real&quot; illness and that it&#x27;s &quot;all in the head therefore not real&quot;.<p>It is exactly this type of attitude we have had since the dark ages that much development of treatment and studies are now only beginning to take more shape.<p>We have to have a much wider awareness of mental illness and how it affects the basic human rights.

Care to say what was his actual problem was? And how did he passed out?

&gt; he did all the things he was supposed to do to get help in a moment of crisis - made multiple calls to his care providers, to 911 and even went to the hospital.  He had been experiencing symptoms for several years but was in a highly-respected treatment program that was working intimately with him.<p>So in other words, conventional psychiatry failed. And the author&#x27;s solution seems to be to spread it more.<p>Maybe after a failure like this, where we see that the care providers, hospital and &quot;highly-respected treatment program&quot; don&#x27;t work, it&#x27;s time to stop respecting that treatment program so much and consider different approaches.<p><a href="http://www.szasz.com" rel="nofollow">http:&#x2F;&#x2F;www.szasz.com</a>